Ramadhan Diaries: Heavy but As Always, Blessed

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

10.19pm

5 Ramadhan 1438H

Balakong

Today, rather than focusing on the pain that came earlier in the morning, I will speak of my blessings.

*senyum*

"The women in my family are all stubborn. They always get their way. Your mother is stubborn and you know your Maktok right? You also, among all my children, are also very stubborn. Now kakak, I have been through so many things in my life. And I know that no matter how many good friends you have, family stays. And as long as I am still alive, I would prefer to entertain you. You're a big girl now kakak, you can make your own decision."
- Dad

"Ohh, nak balik dah eh. Okay, okay. Tunggu kejap tokpuan solat dulu."
- Tokpuan

"Dan terhadap nikmat Tuhanmu, hendaklah engkau nyatakan (dengan bersyukur)."

(Surah Ad-Dhuha, 93:11)

I'm up to be a muwajih tomorrow at Masjid Putra (doakan saya >,<) inshaAllah, and I just came home from Tokpuan's house in Malacca. Despite it being quite a trouble for my family to arrange, I figured that I needed to try and persuade them till the end. Because again, I'm not trying to do anything bad. It's like asking to get married, bukan nak mintak berzina. Eh.

So after driving to Malacca Central, I gave the wheel to Tokpuan and my 77 year-old grandmother drove the girls (my sister and my cousin) back home. I waved goodbye to them, and pulled my purple luggage to the bus stand, bought a one-way ticket to TBS and hopped on the bus. Coming back to Malacca Central after so long reminds me of the days in TGB. Back then, I was on my own many a times, and now, I am on my own again. It was melancholic taking the bus to TBS, with Maktok's baggy Kurung Kedah and my grey skirt, I definitely nailed the 'gadis kampung' look.

Upon arriving at TBS, I look over at the KTM and LRT station. Memories of almost everything I've been through in Malaysia came flashing back. From the days of Comic Fiesta, the Ramadhan 'Goodbye' in 2013 and the 'should-we-wear-niqabs-untuk-menyembunyikan-diri' talk with my usrahmates en route to Masjid Jamek.

Ammar picked me up (so baik meh ma brother, kakak want to nangis huhuhu) and he bought an over-priced burger as per usual due to his nature of 'lavish' spending. I, on the other hand just spend on 2 pastries which were still over-priced to me. Malaysia peeps, is cray cray now. =.=" Gotta save lotsa money before BFG in 2 more years inshaAllah.

When you want to act all cumil-cumil with your brother. Haha

Malaysia, has so many stories that I'd like to forget. And sometimes the atmosphere is a bit scarier than in Ireland as well. 

But here lies my family

The family that has never left me no matter how 'weird' I changed

Here is where I found tarbiyyah

The tarbiyyah that has saved me from being a victim of this vicious world

Here is where all my best memories were made

For more than 20 years already

I have so many people to love and miss

And cherish and be happy with

And overall,

Here is where Allah wants me to be now

And doing my purpose of life is what's essential to me now

Alhamdulillah ala kulli ni'mah

"It's not about marrying right away, rather it's about marrying the right way."

- Aiman Azlan

It is heavy, and it is painful because I truly felt something. But here, Allah is teaching me to let go of my jahiliyah that's dragging me down. So dear self, chin up and look forward. Consistency over intensity aite? Berubah kerana Dia tak pernah sia-sia.

"So if you love someone, you should let them know."

-Everglow

And remember that Ramadhan miracle in 2014? You were a proof of that miracle kan?
Miracles will still happen biiznillah.

#tazkiyahseorangsabr