Sunday, November 18, 2018

Kak Ejat

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful

9 Rabiul 'Awal 1440H
3.42pm
Dublin Mosque

Today is the last evening Kak Ejat will be spending in Dublin and it is thus the last time we'll be seeing here in this country. Esok Kak Ejat akan BFG, an ordeal that was delayed for her for more than a year as she had to struggle through so many hurdles Allah planned for her. Writing this I feel a pang of sadness as I remember the beginning of our friendship, our sisterhood and our everlasting bonding fillah.

The first time I met Kak Ejat was in Uxbridge, it was just an instant meet-up and I never did catch anything about herself other than a glance of how she looked like. She was in her third year and I was still young and fresh, just a few months coming to this foreign land. She was my saviour during that Spring Camp in 2015 when her wrap-up for our daurah was the best pengisian there was in a place that I felt so disconnected to the fikrah Islam that I am so proud of.

With her leaving the country, South Circular Road has become even lonelier. I have said goodbye to Kak Fikah two years ago, my PMC-mates, Zumaro, the sisters that I love and respect all over Ireland. Seeing this place that has always become my refuge since first year, bit by bit lose its inhabitants that made it so special, I do feel very sad and lonely.

Macam ni kot perasaan ustaz when he walks down memory lane, replaying all his videos of the ikhwahs he met in Ireland. All the mutarabbis he had in UKE. And as he remember each and every one of their names, they might not want to even remember their time with tarbiyyah.

It's a sad melancholy feeling.
Rasa sayu.
Rasa rindu.

Kak Ejat will be leaving the country. And with her leaving, being a final year medical student, being kakak (undergrad) paling tua yang membawa liqa' di bumi UKE is finally sinking in. Reality strikes, and it's time to grow up.

Kak Ejat will always have a soft spot in my heart - how she smiles and make jokes, how we share our funny 'Mat Sabu' moments, how she can be very serious in planning our DnT and all her wise words and advice for me. I'll definitely miss you Kak Ejat, as how I will always miss Kak Wani, Kak Yaya, Kak Mina and Kak Fikah. Uhibbukifillah ukhti, may Allah protect you always and keep you in this path lillahi ta'ala.

Jangan tenggelam tau kak! Timbul, bahkan berenanglah~

Monday, November 12, 2018

Futur

Sedih.
Kerja menangis je malam ni.
Sebab rasa jauh sgt dgn kekasih hati, rasa jauh sgt dgn Tuhan yg memegang nyawa di tanganNya.

Sedih.
Kerja menangis tak henti.
Sebab rasa rindu dgn perasaan akrab waktu dahi sujud ke tanah dalam setiap solat lima waktu.

Sedih.
Kerja menangis je mengimbau kembali.
Semua kenangan yg telah Allah bagi, kemanisan iman yg Allah anugerahkan.

Sedih.
Sebab futur,
Sebab jauh,
Sebab jatuh.

Mohon doakan seorang Sabreena agar mampu kembali dgn hati yg bersih dan jernih. Sebab kita tak tahu kan, bila ajal kan menjemput.

#tazkiyahseorangsabr

Monday, November 5, 2018

All Is Well

Bimillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful

25 Safar 1440H
10.41pm
Castlebar

I haven't been writing for ages though so many things have happened in the span of 2 months that I'm back in Ireland. Kisah suka duka stress pecah kepala in DnT, kisah penat tak faham rasa dumb-dumb in studies. Kisah terharu sedih sebak dengan segala tarbiyah yang telah Allah susun utk seorang Sabreena. Kisah pembersihan dan penyucian terhadap niat dan perasaan membina adik-adik takwin.

Kadang-kadang blur dan tak faham bila orang taknak kita bersemangat.

Kadang-kadang blur dan tak faham bila orang down tapi tetap tegar taknak bergerak.

Banyak garu kepala,

Tapi aku yakin, perlu lagi banyak berdoa dan memberi motivasi.

I don't understand many things now. But I know one thing for sure that God does. And so for everytime I feel like vomiting 'fire' out of my mouth, I will remember that the state that I should be in is the calmness of the ocean and the gentle breeze of the wind.

I can only control myself, and at times, I can't even do that.

So dear Allah The Almighty, The Knower of every heart, The All-Seeing, The Knowledgeable. Please heal those souls that I can't mend. Please allow them to find comfort in the pain.

May Allah continue to guide everyone and may we be reunited in Jannah as muttaqeens.