Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
5.41pm
20 Safar 1439H
CSI, University Hospital Galway
I've been away long enough that this place is starting to collect dust yet again. Though I must say, this year has been one of my most active year writing in this canvas. They say that when you're ridiculously in love or terribly heartbroken, you suddenly turn to become a poet. Maybe that's why Shawn Mendes made quite a statement when he 'requested' to be heartbroken by a girl in order for him to create better songs.
Putting all this irrelevant introduction out of the way, I'm currently still in CSI despite it being a Friday, despite it being dark and past maghrib, and despite my 'floppy' hijab (that I have brilliantly modified to a shawl version of the square hijab). Finishing my third week in Paediatrics has been splendid so far, although I am, actually very intimidated with the amount of knowledge expected from us by the end of the 4 weeks. Being a doctor soon feels so real now as the semester is about to end - it's already mid November peeps, June 2019 isn't that far.
Alhamdulillah today I was able to get my Ward-Based Assessment or more commonly called 'baby check' as I end my Neonatal Week. Yes, I do enjoy examining the babes but I do not enjoy it when they persistently cry as you flip them to check for ventral tone. Watching sick neonates, premies, is a very touching sight really. Can you even imagine holding a 1.3 kg baby? So, so small. So, so fragile. You're just so scared that you'll break them.
No joke.
We learned about the complications that a premie might develop post-natal and how the team manages these small fellas. We even had a go at practicing a neonatal resuscitation. Our consultants are completely fabulous and they really do show an immense passion in what they're pursuing as paediatricians.
So far, in the 3 weeks of this rotation, I have learned so much about these little creatures that are so different than us adults. Tutorials about common clinical presentations of children to congenital anomalies to developmental delay, they really were fascinating if not overwhelming. All of these might sound fancy, and as a medical student that is always keen to learn something new, I find that my biggest lesson wasn't in the pathophysiology or clinical picture of these myriad of conditions. What captivated me the most was the resilience displayed by parents, followed by the empathy of clinicians in treating these families.
Why do I say families?
Because once a child is diagnose with a terminal illness, the whole family is affected by it. The whole family struggles, the whole family basically 'shares' the disease with these sick children.
I'll ask you this. Can you go through a night with your child crying non-stop with a fever and a barking cough? Would you be able to just stay put seeing your child convulse for more than 30 minutes in the ambulance? And would you be able to go through the news that your child is diagnosed with a life-long debilitating condition?
It's not an easy feat dealing with this. One parent of a severely handicapped teenage girl came in to speak with us about her journey living with a disable daughter. It was so touching, it was so real. The difficulty in accepting her baby's condition, the guilt thinking that it was her fault to cause it, the bad days, the good days, the awkward situations. Her experience just demonstrates how human she is as she struggles to keep everything in place. I almost cried 3 times during that one hour session and I guess even now my eyes are teary as I write this down.
Parenting is hard.
And that's just taking care of normal kids.
What about those parents with special kids?
What if it was you?
What if it was me?
Can I go through an hour looking at my child crying and convulsing? Can I go through a day where my baby is ventilated with wires sticking out of every place they can get a line from? Can I go through nights when it's just me and my little girl in the ED as I cuddle her close because there's no bed in the wards to admit her?
Yes, paediatrics is tough. The number of cases are just massive, the possibility for a UTI to develop into a pyelonephritis and finally bring the baby into shock is there. Vomiting and diarrhea can be anything from simple gastritis to meningitis. Yes, it's insane and super tiring.
But imagine those mothers, imagine those fathers.
Betapa Allah nak kita belajar that we are so, so lucky to be healthy, He has to show us the worse case scenario in these children. I wonder today after that session with the mother who came in to talk with us medical students,
"Kenapa Allah buat macam ni kat anak-anak and these families eh? Is it because Allah wants to remind me of the ni'mahs He has given me? Just for me, a forgetful slave to remember Him?"
Sayangnya Allah kat aku
Sayangnya Allah kat kita
And yet we fail to see this
We fail to see How blessed we are
With all the gifts and potential, the strengths and abilities
Kita masih lagi nak menidakkan hak Dia?
We still run away from our SH
We deny Him all the gratitude He should have been given
As I type this down, tears have already left my eyes. How ungrateful am I sampaikan sudah senang nak putus asa just because Dia uji dengan sedikit masalah ukhuwwah.
Banyak sangat nikmat Allah, and really peeps, boleh ke kita nak hitung semuanya?
