Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
2.35am
15 Ramadhan 1439H
Balakong
Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah. Finally, after 15 days of Ramadhan has passed and after almost one month of summer break, I am finally here on this favourite canvas of mine. So many events have passed - personally or nationally - since the last time I penned anything down in this blog of mine. I finished my final exams last month, PRU14 passed with the government changing, the start of another beautiful Ramadhan, my return to Malaysia and the beginning of my electives in UM.
Oh and not to mention the legalisation of abortion in Ireland. That'll be a change in medical practices soon in the country I study.
Anyhow, in this blessed month of Ramadhan, I hope everyone is not excited for me to write anything inspirational because I'm not planning on doing so (haha). Well, instead this will be just raw material of what I'm going through right now. It's a tough, tough time battling to protect your imaan and I'd like to say it's like a walk in the park but apparently it's not as easy as it sounds like - not even for me. And eventhough the shaytaan are chained and they are nowhere to be seen whispering evil deeds to you but the mark they left for the past 11 months beforehand are imprinted real good. It's saddening because I thought I came prepared for Ramadhan this year but alas, Allah knows best. Even this disheartening moment for me is an episode in Allah's tarbiyah for myself - to teach me of my weakness and His ultimate Power.
And I know I'm going to be 24 soon but that age is just too much for me to change to become someone that I am not. I understand that with the coming age, comes more accountability - not only because of the age itself - but also with the many knowledge I have obtained, the responsibilities I am shouldering now and to come, as well as the expansion of my duty as a muslim. Bukan lagi hanya diri kau yang perlu kau fikirkan Sabreena, bahkan jauh lagi ramai orang memerlukan kebaikan kau.
Akhir kalam, I'm not having puffy eyes because I was crying. I just slept too much. Nak kata betapa mengikut khutuwat shaytan lahai (please jangan salahkan jetlag dah k wahai diri haha).
I'm nowhere near to writing like an intellectual, mature and well-versed adult but I'm getting there. And I don't write to impress, sorry. Though it would be smart for me to comment on current issues and relay my stand on several topics, I don't like having my story shared and publicized the wrong way. I will speak my own voice in my own way, and I will be who I always am to others what I am to myself.
Honest and kind.
Thank you for the wait to whoever that waits for my writing. I am blessed to have you pray for my comeback. Now pray that I end up to be a human that benefits the world - I am by far God's wakeel in this worldly life. Pray that I do a good job at least - aha.
May the next few days of Ramadhan left brings us closer to Him.
Ameen.
:)
