Assalamualaikum...
*blows dust away*
Alhamdulillah.. All praise be to Allah for still allowing me the time, energy and brain to write here in this blank canvas that inshaAllah could bring goodness to people somewhere in a time zone I know not of.
Today, as of 10:47, I have faced a series of events that starts of with the normal 'domestic engineer' schedule to being a sister, a dirtbag and finally to a humble servant. To tell the whole chronological story of what I have been through today would not be a smart thing to do but I'll highlight the things that made me touched and think alot today.
So I woke up for Fajr prayers as usually and slept right afterwards despite the pact we made to not sleep after Fajr (I shall strive better inshaAllah). Got my brains cracking up to work at 10.30 waking my cousin up and having dhuha prayers which was soon continued with a mountain of clothing needed to be hanged and dried. Messages came in from my FB Messenger and through Whatsapp.
"I just hope that I can do something more to help the ummah and to help everyone that I love.."
"Maksud akak, akak yang banyak cacat cela tu.."
Both these extracts came from two different person. Both trying to do what they can with what Allah has granted them. One was facing hardship and difficulties wanted to do something while the latter knew that she was not perfect but still would want to do good for us sisters.
Then came the afternoon and I went through futur mode for one hour doing what I promised my bare self and Allah to not do again. I realized my wrong and stopped right before it peaked. Talked to a friend, and quickly got over the negative system that is shrouding my thoughts and being.
I came back into my room and discussed about issues the ummah faces today with a sister and planned for tomorrow's big day. Saw a video a group of friends made and discussed more about it with the sister. Night came, I browsed through my dashboard and saw a new post from one of my favourite blogger. Finally, I cried.
Alhamdulillah, that is just what I needed. Tears.
You see.. These past few days, I've been waiting for that hunch to cry. I believed that crying too much without actions is just an act of weakling. So rather than wasting time to cry, why not used that amount of energy to make a change and stop whatever bad you are doing while propagating the good you can by your own hands. However, another thing that I discovered was that if it is done continuously without heart, it would be just dry and soon will lose it's meaning (though it's not a sign for you, me and everyone else to not do it). So wandering around finding that feeling of purpose, Allah gave me numerous stories today, both reflecting and touching altogether.
Not everyone was granted with an opportunity wide enough to spread dakwah and engage in tarbiyyah as much as I could. Some would want to feel and understand the same responsibility but Allah has better plans for them. Therefore, as someone who has been gifted with the time and ability to do more, why should I sway of my responsibilities? So when a sister approached me to talk about things associated with this responsibilty I hold, what more reason can I give to say no to her.
We all are humans, therefore we are surely to be tested on what we say, so that Allah will know who is the best of His servants (Muhammad, 47:31). And so in our tests, we may fail as we are created weak (An-Nisa, 4:28). But succumbing to that weakness is not what we are made to do because that will not change us to be better slaves (Ar-Ra'd, 13:11). I know I did wrong, everyone does, at their own different degrees. But what keeps me going is the fact that Allah sees what I do and he is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Repenting needs discipline, giving up will not help me change but effort, courage and discipline will.
And finally, after all that's been said and done. The night was given closure by a beautiful, simple post that had touched my hearts. Alhamdulillah. *smiles*
In life, we face obstacles. We tumble and bruise ourselves. We learn from others and manage strategies to live our lives the best we can. To reach that final destination in which we know is Eternal and Forever. Today, Allah gave me a glimpse of that, in which I know, is to prepare me for a bigger cause.
Ya Allah, thank you for every ounce of blessing You have bestowed upon me. Being your humble servant is the best I could ever ask for.
