12.02 am
9 April 2016
Galway, Ireland
Lama, berdebu, berkarat, usang.
Kalau blog ini berbentuk fizikal dan boleh dipegang, aku fikir ia sudah penuh dengan sawang dan habuk kerana tiada di kemas-kini dengan apa-apa penulisan baharu. (Ayat yang aku seringkali kitar semula dan boleh dilihat dalam kebanyakan post di blog ini. Uhu)
Nak dikatakan sibuk, masih banyak lagi masa aku tidur nyenyak sampai sakit-sakit tengkuk aku tergeliat. Nak dikatakan tiada idea, hampir setiap hari berlegar sesuatu di kepala aku yang merayu-rayu minta ditulis. Fikir aku, cukup sudah sekadar menulis di FB. Sangkaanku rosak sama sekali kerana rupanya terlalu banyak dugaan dalam hendak berkarya di FB - antaranya, butang 'Like' yang tertera sebesar alam, kini bertambah pula dengan ekspresi yang boleh dipilih selain jari 'thumbs up' biru. Ini menyebabkan mata aku secara tidak langsung terkejar-kejar mahu melihat notifications berapa ramai orang sudah 'Like' atau 'Share' status marhaen aku. Riak. Ujub. Terbakar semua amal.
*nangis*
However, blogging holds a very dear place in my heart - which initially I was afraid to venture back in. Clearly it was not because of my busy schedule, lack of time or ideas, but maybe it was because I was scared to come back to this canvas. It had so much promises made in it that I have broken countless times, making me feel as though I have let myself and other people down. My previous self whom with full determination made such a strong stand on a broad range of things. My previous self who was so positive that things will be better. The me I miss so much now.
It's already the 2nd of Rejab and alhamdulillah, Allah gave me the courage to look back at the pieces I have written, the stories I have shared, and the sincerity I place in my writings before. It brings about fragments of treasured memories - especially those that I penned down during my stay with arwah maktok. This, despite being a very daunting ordeal to face, has actually proven to be a part of the remedy to my disturbed state of mind lately.
Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb, I think I'm coming back on my feet inshaAllah.
To not procrastinate any further, I shall now be off to finish reading up another two papers by Rita Charon on my Narrative Medicine assignment due next Monday. I'm glad I came back to see you again my dear canvas, and thank you for receiving me with open arms.
*smiles, teary-eyed*
To more therapeutic posts meant for my own remembrance before anyone else.
InshaAllah.
