Thursday, May 12, 2022

Hijrah to HPKK

(Long delayed post. Typing with Ali sleeping in my embrace on my tummy, surrounded by pillows to support my arms)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
13 Ramadhan 1443H
Balakong

It was 15th of March. A bright Tuesday, Prof Azlin's post-take day with 7 patients in 4A and 6 patients in 4E. MashaAllah, we had our work cut out for us.

The morning started with us rambling through the new cases and arranging for their transfer to HPKK from HCTM. With Prof Wong's sudden morning visit to the ward, we were already 'motivated' to get it done as quick as possible. MOs and HOs all crowded the counter and patient cubicles to get their history straight and formulating appropriate plans before furiously typing on the PC, Ipads, laptops, the discharge summary of these patients. It was a memorable morning, we all worked together hand-in-hand to get things done stat. And we did it, hamdulillah :)

Afterwards, once all the patients were transferred, we ourselves have to manouvre ourselves to our new office in HPKK. And having 1 peri patient in 4F didn't help much (haha). Since I have been seeing the little bub for the past few days, I volunteered myself to help settle her discharge summary and discharge plans to make sure this baby whom have been hospitalised for more than 3 months since her birth, a quick discharge in the next few days. Being 34 weeks pregnant and counting proved to be a challenged as I drag my enormous belly to and fro, HPKK-HCTM-HPKK until I went back home late at 10pm with the help of Auni who was kind enough to send me all the way home. Luckily Hazwan was around to settle ward work in the day while I hilang-hilang in between settling stuff in HCTM. Later in the evening I just continued my AMX shift with Edna, Pei Wern and Auni. (Thanks kawan-kawan) That night Auni sent me back home - after another trip to ward 4K from HPKK - as zauj had to present an important talk. I was touched by this kind soul, may Allah bless you Auni (insert teary-eyed emoji)

Once I reached home I was already so exhausted and almost wanted to take an MC the next day. But me being me, I didn’t. So zauj had to bear with my leg cramps, sore back and whining until I went to work the next day. 

Then it was 16th March. 1st day functioning in HPKK from morning till evening. I was AM that day and due for my written exams the next day. Finishing paeds in 3 weeks, I was confident inshaAllah that I will get this posting done and then apply for my maternity leave once I started in ED. The day was fairly smooth alhamdulillah - inserting branulas and blood taking of kiddies with the couple Hazwan and Aquilah. That said, I had a weird sensation in my lower tummy. As though a sort of pressure is building up near my pubic region until I got extremely cautious whenever I had to make that trip to the toilet - afraid that baby Ali (nauzubillah) would suddenly appear. I was 34w4d at this point of time.

Before ending my shift, two of my MOs who were both concerned and shocked that I would still be oncall tomorrow joked on the fact that if I still go on a walking frenzy, my child may come out anytime. I laughed it off but then those tummy sensations sure are getting me worried.

Finished my shift at 5PM and zauj picked me up hamdulillah. Arrived home ready to study and be prepared for tomorrow’s written exam.

Then, it slowly happened..

Pages Written for You

 Dear Husband,

My forever home

My sanctuary

My respite

For the longest time I have always thought that I have constantly been on the receiving end - whilst you have consistently showered me with unending kindness, thoughtfulness and sacrifices. I’m not sure if I exxagerate this, I’m not sure if this writing would eventually churn up all the food you ate throughout the day. But I hope the sincerity in these words reaches you.

Bismillah.

…..

I have always been bad with surprises. For each consequent years spent celebrating your birthday, I would just come out with some ‘cheap’ presents and order up a cake that I discussed with you to share with the family. No element of surprise, no fancy dinner, no special outings. This has been a stark contrast as to what you will put up for my birthday - year by year, it gets better. You have always gone the extra mile, always giving more than you receive. 

If I count the numerous places you have brought me to on the multiple occassions even out of my birthday, the list would be too extensive and the whole world might just ‘kecam’ me for flaunting our adventures. This year, for your birthday, I kept thinking of what to get you. And as always, being that thrifty lady, I didn’t want to spend a mountain and I opted for something thoughtful yet customised so it’ll be special only for you.

Sadly (and very disappointing), the gift arrived super late and your special day was spent with just cake that you didn’t entirely like (or hate). With Ali on board, I keep on feeling that what I’m bringing to you on the table in our husband-wife relationship has been even lesser. You do all - the cleaning of my 8 breastpumping cups, Ali’s bottles, midnight oncalls with Ali, registering him at JPN, KK visits, relinquishing my food cravings, driving me everywhere. If I keep on writing I might just burst into tears.

You give so much.

Allah is giving me so much.

I’m not good at surprises. Even this write-up may not be enough as to compare with all the gifts you have showered me.

Abang,

I am not a good wife. I always say the worst words, sometimes I may even blurt out words you and I both despise. I comment on the smallest error you make when you cherish me in my ugliest moments. 

With Ali, I have had less time to cook for you a storm like I used to. I hope I can still do that even when I start working, even when Ali starts screaming wanting me to hold him always. I want to give the best for you, and keep trying despite my shortcomings like what you have always done for me.

Barakallahufeek for being the qawwam in our small family, for protecting me and Ali, for loving my parents and grandparents, for guiding me during all those anger moments I have, for allowing me to attend all my DnT events and supporting my choices.

Abang,

You are such an amazing person. And I know that despite all the many hurdles you will face in the future, you’ll pull through inshaAllah. I pray Allah grants you barokah, happiness, health and wealth. You deserve the highest of Jannah for all that you have done, and all you will do.

Happy 28th birthday abang. 143