Pages Written for You

 Dear Husband,

My forever home

My sanctuary

My respite

For the longest time I have always thought that I have constantly been on the receiving end - whilst you have consistently showered me with unending kindness, thoughtfulness and sacrifices. I’m not sure if I exxagerate this, I’m not sure if this writing would eventually churn up all the food you ate throughout the day. But I hope the sincerity in these words reaches you.

Bismillah.

…..

I have always been bad with surprises. For each consequent years spent celebrating your birthday, I would just come out with some ‘cheap’ presents and order up a cake that I discussed with you to share with the family. No element of surprise, no fancy dinner, no special outings. This has been a stark contrast as to what you will put up for my birthday - year by year, it gets better. You have always gone the extra mile, always giving more than you receive. 

If I count the numerous places you have brought me to on the multiple occassions even out of my birthday, the list would be too extensive and the whole world might just ‘kecam’ me for flaunting our adventures. This year, for your birthday, I kept thinking of what to get you. And as always, being that thrifty lady, I didn’t want to spend a mountain and I opted for something thoughtful yet customised so it’ll be special only for you.

Sadly (and very disappointing), the gift arrived super late and your special day was spent with just cake that you didn’t entirely like (or hate). With Ali on board, I keep on feeling that what I’m bringing to you on the table in our husband-wife relationship has been even lesser. You do all - the cleaning of my 8 breastpumping cups, Ali’s bottles, midnight oncalls with Ali, registering him at JPN, KK visits, relinquishing my food cravings, driving me everywhere. If I keep on writing I might just burst into tears.

You give so much.

Allah is giving me so much.

I’m not good at surprises. Even this write-up may not be enough as to compare with all the gifts you have showered me.

Abang,

I am not a good wife. I always say the worst words, sometimes I may even blurt out words you and I both despise. I comment on the smallest error you make when you cherish me in my ugliest moments. 

With Ali, I have had less time to cook for you a storm like I used to. I hope I can still do that even when I start working, even when Ali starts screaming wanting me to hold him always. I want to give the best for you, and keep trying despite my shortcomings like what you have always done for me.

Barakallahufeek for being the qawwam in our small family, for protecting me and Ali, for loving my parents and grandparents, for guiding me during all those anger moments I have, for allowing me to attend all my DnT events and supporting my choices.

Abang,

You are such an amazing person. And I know that despite all the many hurdles you will face in the future, you’ll pull through inshaAllah. I pray Allah grants you barokah, happiness, health and wealth. You deserve the highest of Jannah for all that you have done, and all you will do.

Happy 28th birthday abang. 143