Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
18 Shaaban 1443H
Seri Kembangan
7.00pm
I have been procrastinating writing this post about pregnancy since my 26th week POA as I try to find the exact and proper time to sit down comfortably with just one thing in mind - to write. Alhamdulillah finally after delivering Ali, that time came (took you so long Sabr haha).
I wanted to write down of how my body is ever changing
How I don’t feel like myself everyday
How my legs ache every morning as I scream out loud withstanding the stabbing pain
How big my tummy is growing
And how Ali keeps turning topsy turvy in my belly until I feel like vomiting
It started with taking about 4 pregnancy tests because I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant. This happened after finishing my 3rd posting in Medical and entering my 3rd week in O&G. And to be slightly more precise, it happened after I told my parents of how stressful I was being a doctor, how disrespectful-unfair-ridiculous the SNs are to taggers (walaupun we oll ni manusia jugak kotttt) and with all these stressors how can I ever get pregnant despite me trying for it. Tup tup, a few days later I had the urge to check my pregnancy status because I have been 3 weeks later for my period.
And it was positive.
At first, I didn’t believe it. Used another one, positive. Showed to my husband. We were both stunned, in a good way, and as to not put our hopes up decided to get a more expensive test kit tomorrow to confirm. It came out positive. Subhanallah, walhamdulillah wa la ilaha ila Allah, Allahuakbar. Before sharing it with the fam, we wanted to get our little baby seen on the scan first - but after 3 visits to the GP, we still fail to see our budding little seed. Amer was anxious, I was pretty chill because I have yet to put my hopes on the baby - afraid it may not survive through or maybe it was a false alarm and the bHCG positive on the multiple pregnancy tests done actually came from an ectopic area, maybe cancer (grim jokes really).
We first shared the news with my side of the family on Baba’s birthday (I was 7w at this time based on LMP) and then subsequently to Amer’s fam on our 2nd anniversary (9w here). But during those two occassions, we haven’t seen our little baby on scan yet. Finally, on my TCA to open my pink book (11w based on LMP), the drs did a TVS scan and wallahi, our little baby was there growing well all along subhanallah.
That was the start of Allah’s miracle unfolding in my tummy bit by bit. I then went through my 4 months in O&G with this small child, finally knowing that it was a boy during detail scan at the 20th week. :) There were days when I was so tired that after work I would just lie down and sleep with my work clothes on, sometimes without taking dinner. And there will be times when I have to sit down in between morning rounds at the procedure room to prevent myself from fainting. Nights oncall were sometimes dreadful as I experienced the worse nausea any pregnant lady had to go through, frequenting the toilet just to vomit air and at the odd times, dinner. There will be days where my Registrars would freak out because I would sound like I’m panting while assisting them in the OT. I would just laugh it off saying that it’s my baseline (which is true) and continue retracting as usual.
I never run away from my work, unless I really can’t then I will tell my colleagues to help me for a bit before I myself clean up the work left. I still go back late sometimes, even up till 9-10pm. Still get scolded, still enter all those PUI OTs (but not COVID OTs la ever nauzubillah huhu). Alhamdulillah, 4 months passed in O&G and I entered paediatrics - of which I dreaded at first, but the posting grew on me and I have learned to embrace the subject matter with more love and interest every single day. With scary yet wise consultants, respectable and helpful MOs, kind and understanding colleagues, I really enjoyed my paediatrics posting till the end (and it’s sad that I was unable to finish it on time due to reasons I will share in my upcoming posts).
Then, hijrah to HPKK happened.
