In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
18 Zulhijjah 1440H
1.48am
Balakong
It's been more than 2 months since I've safely landed in my homeland and as always, procrastination will be at its best when you're bombarded with a list of things to do and get done. I've been keeping myself away from posting anything to commemorate the end of my medical studies, my graduation and my return to Malaysia because I didn't want to sound cliche. That was what I was thinking. Or maybe, it was just denial that I've ended that part of my life journey and will soon be stepping on a new boat. Sailing new waves with a new crew, a new partner-come-captain-come-comrade.
I don't know for sure. But alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah for it all.
I've never thought that 5 years would go by in a blink of an eye.
I keep on saying it to other people, but here I am thinking back on how much I've progressed in life that it seems truly amazing that I am standing where I am now.
I've never thought that I would live long enough to be 25 years old.
After KMB ended, every year was a year that I didn't know what to anticipate any longer because all those childhood dreams have become a reality. And now I'm Dr Sabreena. (Okay that literally sent chills down my spine)
I've never thought that I would naik tangga like in less than 3 weeks now.
I always thought that it would be longer, and that I would have more time to get myself prepared but heave-ho, it's getting closer and closer.
I can't believe I'm done with Ireland, and I can't believe that I'm missing it so much.
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Subhanallah, walhamdulillah, wa astaghfirullah. The more I think about it, I feel like a sense of warmth overflowing within me, and I miss this feeling. Probably because I haven't been writing for so long, the gratitude juices that used to just run in my veins went missing.
Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb.
For everything that You've beautifully crafted for me.
Alhamdulillah for my parents that have endlessly prayed for me and supported my studies.
Alhamdulillah for my grandparents, uncles and aunties - that despite their honest and direct 'comments' have always been there to help my family at all times and pray for their most 'annoying' granddaughter/niece
Alhamdulillah for my sisters, my akhwats that have showered me with love and du'a and food, tears and laughter, and a whole load of things to think and figure out
Alhamdulillah for my murabbi, that might never know how much I truly love and look up to her
Alhamdulillah for my batchmates and their immense help on study tips, past paper answers and notes
Alhamdulillah for my lecturers, consultants, tutors and interns - I miss them so, especially all the interns that were so kind to listen to my amateur history taking
Alhamdulillah for Dublin Bus, for GOBus, for Ryanair, for Irish Rail- for all the travels we had on buses, cars, trains and airplanes
Alhamdulillah for the nights we slept at the airport, the days we were stranded with nowhere to go, the mosques we visited, the kindness of strangers and the mocking of haters
Alhamdulillah for Dublin, Galway, Castlebar, Essex, London, Southampton, Newcastle, Glasgow, Cork and Belfast
Alhamdulillah for the opportunity to set foot in Ireland and UK, and to experience what it was berada di bumi bukan Islam namun masih hidup dibawah bayangan al-Quran, sentiasa dibawah jagaan Allah
Reality Malaysia.
Where my time, energy and thoughts will be ultimately tested. Untuk bersama Allah atau bersama arus dunia. Untuk memilih keimanan atau al-Hawa'.
It's very scary. And I'm terrified.
But however it may sound like, the fact that I am here means that Allah knows this is where I belong. And with full trust in Him, with the huge love I have for Him, I will be okay.
I will be okay because the Love of my life is planning my life. He won't leave me be.
Ya Rabb, this new phase of life will truly test my faith towards You. Throughout it all, please keep me strong on Your path.
"Ihdinassiratal mustaqim... Ihdinassiratal mustaqim.."
