Lena

Mengapa
Hari ini kau bangun
Melihat dunia dengan jiwa
Kosong tanpa rasa

Mengapa
Hari ini kau jejak kaki ke luar
Tanpa niat yang benar
Semata-mata
Untuk Tuhan Yang Esa

Mengapa
Hari ini kau menginginkan perkara
Yang kau tahu hina
Menolak janji semalam
Mengagungkan bisikan syaitan

Wahai penulis
Tajdid niat itu bukan hanya boleh dibuat
Satu kali
Dua kali
Tiga kali
Tapi perlu dilakukan
Berulang kali

Berhenti berdalih
Bangunlah daripada lenamu itu
Hari esok menanti
Bersama janji Tuhan yang pasti

Breather

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

*wipes away dusts and fragments of laziness from computer screen*

*coughs, sneezes, smiles*

Alhamdulillah, it has been two months since I've last written in here but Allah still chooses me despite those long days of leaving this canvas blank. I could come out with a multitude of reasons but none would be solid enough to prove sufficient for my absence in this blog. Nevertheless, I am back and ready to further continue upholding justice to this blog inshaAllah.

Moving on,

Alhamdulillah again, (can't stop repeating my gratefulness actually) as it has been almost a week since winter break started and I am currently in a friend's house all the way in Manchester. And this has been one of the cutest thing the people here have done (besides taking our bags and bringing it all the way from the coach station back home) .....

Warm lemon tea for sickly me

Alhamdulillah for the great hospitality at day one friends. Eventhough streams of visitors have come and go from this house, there has never been a lack of love in welcoming us weary travellers into this house. Even the one who brought me this mug of tea was sick herself. You have got to now that I am terribly touched by this small gesture. *menangis* Jazakunallah khairan kathira. :)

In this post, I would like to share an ayaah (An-Nahl, 16:6) :

Credits

Disclaimer: Mind you, I don't learn the Arabic language. I'm not a pro at giving tafseer nor am I quoting anyone for it, but I'm here to share whatever tadabbur that comes from my heart that can be related to it inshaAllah.

The meaning of the ayaah goes like this:-

And indeed, for you in grazing livestock is a lesson. We give you drink from what is in their bellies - between excretion and blood - pure milk, palatable to drinkers.

One question might pop up from your minds as in, what has livestock actually have to do with providing lessons for us living human beings?

Yes, we slaughter them to provide meat for our consumption. In that we learn about rizq.

Yes, they follow Allah's ruling in which they graze over grass and not eat meat in their diet. Thus we learn about sunnatullah and obedience.

But what is it in them that Allah uses the word 'Ibrah' to describe lesson?

I can only a very grave and superficial meaning of what 'Ibrah' means, in which some of the meanings are lesson, moral, example and warning. A lesson can be like what we learn in class, something academic-like and could either give an impact or not in our lives. A lesson could also be like something we get after an eventful situation, for example, the death of a close relative or being a victim of snatch thief. The list goes on.

When we talk about moral, usually it relates to the second definition of lesson in which I've stated beforehand which more or less relates close to another meaning of 'Ibrah' which is warning. Warnings usually come from lessons learnt by one party given to another party so that the latter does not repeat the same mistake or as a precaution to be aware of any damgerous implications.

What about the meaning of 'example' derived from 'Ibrah'?

Well, when Allah implies that in these grazing livestock is a lesson, meaning that there lies an example in these beings. That they are chosen to act as an example to be followed. Examples are usually given to describe a situation or to describe a certain action in a more specific manner. Like in a statement, "Students should be wise in managing their time," the examples that would come suite would be "By scheduling a daily timetable, prioritising work by importance and adhere strictly to the schedule made."

So what is it that is so special in these 'Grazing Livestock' that Allah mentioned them specifically in this ayaah?

Let's look at the second part of the ayaah.

'We give you drink from what is in their bellies -between excretion and blood - pure milk, palatable to drinkers.'

Milk?

Okay, we drink milk and then?

Have we ever wondered how milk could actually come out from an animal in which there lies a number of metabolic systems that in it are not quite comfortable to be mentioned but I'll mention it anyway in a more delicate manner - the excretory and blood circulatory system. Is it not a wonder how something so pure could come out from something green, slimy, reddish inside the body of a cow or a sheep (Okay, I might've gone overboard with that description). But what we can take from these livestock is that these livestock, they follow the 'fitrah' or 'nature' that Allah has decided upon them. Like mentioned before, they eat from grass and not from slaughtered meat. They do not put up a devastating fight when they are slaughtered for our meals. They do not even decide to walk on two feet and has all four legs on the ground. Do they fight against the shepherd when he ushers the herd away from the grazing site back to their barn?

The answer is no. They follow and they obey what Allah has decreed upon them to be.

Look at us humans. We are created with a magnificent mind; able to create and imagine beyond boundaries, able to compute and decipher the most difficult of algorithms, able to acknowledge so much of the delicate systems in the human body. But why is it that we are so oblivious of the Creator behind all that is our eyes to see, our mind to think and our heart to ponder?

Credits

And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind. They have hearts with which they do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, and they have ears with which they do not hear. Those are like livestock; rather, they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless.

(Al-A'raf, 7:179)

The Quran
This world
This life

Are all entities that Allah gifted us with to find Him. To love Him and to acknowledge His power. And it is not even for Him, instead it is for us. 

When was the last time that we found peace away from fulfilling expecations of people?
When was the last time we felt contented with what we have in front of our eyes?
When was the last time we found ease despite losing something we care so much for?

Despite the darkness we have in our hearts, Allah still chose us to except this Deen, this way of life that releases us from the shackles of Dunya entrapping us. This Deen puts our thoughts and mind into place, gives a difference between purpose and means, provides us with peach and content even with all we have that is less.

Thus, this ayaah tells us that if we follow what Allah has directed and guided us to be, we shall create something that is pure from our hearts to give to others, a message that is free from any ill or negative in it although it originates from us - a sinful human being.

The understanding of Islam truly is an incomparable gift. Not many are able to obtain in, what more be given the strength to spread it. So in the trials and tribulations we face everyday, let us not forget  that His love transcends whatever we can integrate in our heads. And let us always remember that as we stay inside the warmth of our houses, there are people out there shivering in the cold night. And lest us always remember that in the company of our loved ones, there are people who lost theirs to the many events Allah gives in order to strengthen His soldiers.

To my dearest readers,
If you do finally reach this part, I sincerely ask for your kind prayers for the victims of flood in Malaysia, for our brothers and sisters in Palestine, Syria, Rohingya and the whole world.

May this writing bring goodness to all it may touch inshaAllah.

#prayforpantaitimur

Because it's love

In the name of the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Alhamdulillah, it has been three days since the finish of my CA (Continuous Assessment) for Biochemistry and alhamdulillah that the coming dusk will be Awal Muharram. Galway is getting colder and currently we're all trying to adjust with the weather here which rains for 15 minutes, stops for 5 and then continues to rain. Surely is a challenge but insyaAllah bearable.

Three days ago - to be exact, it started a week ago - I had been questioning myself as to why it has been so 'dry' living. I'm not saying dry that is as though I'm having trouble with food and that I'm shrivelling into some kind of dried vegetable, but more like losing meaning to life. Questions like,

"Why am I doing this in the first place?"

"Why do I care so much about what is going to happen to other people?"

"Why must I trouble myself to decide on which to attend?"

"Why must I care about people's thoughts?"

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm rebelling towards anything nor am I saying that the community here are being pushy or trying to pressurize us. The people here are good, remarkably kind and generous but sometimes not even that is good enough of a reason to go through so much just for their cause is it? You can be nice to your friends, but everyone has a limit. One's patience is like the limiting reagent to one's action. You can be as nice as you can but in the end, you don't have the patience of Nabi Ayoub, what more the patience of Rasulullah to withstand all the tiredness.

So I asked myself this question,

"What does Allah want me to gain in the end?"

And I remembered what my murabbi gave to me during the first time I had a sleepover at her house,

Love. That was the reason all along.

It was because of love that Rasulullah did spread Islam. It was because of love that the sahabahs fought for the sake of upholding the rightful place of Islam. It was because of love that the sisters go through days and nights thinking about their mutarabbis.

And it was because of love that Allah granted me life and understanding on this path.

I soon started to look at everything in a better perspective as I acknowledge all the hardships were given because of love. Not just because of the cliche 'Allah misses you and wants to here your prayers and plea' but instead because of Allah's love, I am given the opportunity to learn a valuable gift behind the dark clouds of trials and misery.

Due to that love, it is only logic that I spread love as well. Love that Allah has bestowed to me is a love that is bestowed to the whole universe. And this is the same love that flows in the blood of the Anbiya', in the sahabahs, in the tabi'-tabi'in and in the Muslims around the whole world.

So next time I'll know why I'm going through all of this,

It's because of love. Pure love.

Eiduladha

Takbir raya bersama mereka
Di dalam ruang yg tiada batas
Di bawah langit ciptaanNya

Seakan sayu suara mereka
Berada di bumi asing
Namun kelompok kecil ini
Masih segar
Masih bersemangat
Masih gagah
Meneruskan perjuangan
Melaksanakan tanggungjawab

Aku sampaikan salam
Untuk yang jauh
Untuk yang dekat
Untuk yang sntiasa ada dalam doa

Moga dikekalkan dalam kelompok mulia ini
Sehingga nafas akhir
Di bumi Ilahi

Thinking of others

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Alhamdulillah it has been nearly a month after my arrival to Ireland. After three weeks of class, we're finally ending the fourth week of lectures, dissections and PhysioEx labs tomorrow (no classes on Friday due to the university's open day). Alhamdulillah for surviving, for climbing the Cliffs of Moher, for usrah, for the cold wind of happiness and for the love of my family; near and far, together with every small bit of blessings that I've never acknowledged before.

Anatomy is extremely splendid.

You'll start to appreciate all the smallest cells when you see how the skeletal muscles group up together to form us- humans and how they originated from the muscle fibres to the constituents of nerve fibres, axons, neurotransmitter and what not.

Physiology brings up a lot of sense especially when making logic of all the diseases that is occuring inside our human biology. Yesterdays's haematology lab is truly amazing (although we just used a simulation to undergo this) and we calculated our own hematocrit. Science is so cool, mashaAllah.

*sengih sensorang*

Biochemistry is quite tough especially when the lectures are super fast. It's like all those two week lectures in KMB compacted into an hour- even possible to half an hour. Gladly, Teacher Mira did me some justice instilling all the basics of organic chemistry and food chem in my brain. This subject is probably like Physiology only that it takes most of my energy to digest what is being told in front of the lecture hall resulting me to either fall asleep (drainage of energy) or wide awake (non-stop writing in my notebook).

And who says the medical course is boring?

*angkat-angkat kening*

**********************************

Looking up at what I have been talking about beforehand, it seems that the stories basically revolve about my personal being. This has got me thinking,

What about my friends? What about their lives?

And this is not about the friends that are far from me, this is about those who are living across my room, just a few stairs below and across the road. Friends who are near, whom I see everyday. It's sad how much I have been so focused on my own personal state, I forget that there are people around me that I need to look after as well. 

True enough, that we should focus on ourselves first before putting others in the picure. However, until when will the so-called 'personal-space' ever end if we never try to insert in the picture, the lives of everybody else? Without us realising it, selfishness will soon overwhelm us and in the end, nothing will we gain in helping others other than envy and jealousy towards those around us.

I remember quotes from Muntalaq about how a Da'ie should behave- trying the best to instill in the people correct understanding of being a Muslim, a devotee to all of what Allah dictates. I remember one of the aspects in the 10 Muwossofat Tarbiyyah that we should be useful to others. Being useful doesn't really mean to only help out with house chores and the sorts, tarbiyyah-wise, who is to cater those around you if you do not start first?

Sure it's hard

Sure it'll take your time

Sure you'll need to have patience

(People don't change overnight, I'm a proof of it)

Sure it'll consume all the feelings that you have

And you'll have to sacrifice every bit of yourself in order to get this done

However,

"Allah hath purchased of the believers their persons and their goods; for theirs (in return) is the garden (of Paradise): they fight in His cause, and slay and are slain: a promise binding on Him in trth, through the Law, the Gospel, and the Quran: and who is more faithful to his covenant than Allah? Then rejoice in the bargain which ye have concluded: that is the achievement supreme."

(At-Taubah,9:111)

It will take more than just words or a one-day attempt in thiso. It'll take weeks, months, years, blood, sweat, tears and probably that person will not even turn-out to be what we want them to be. But keep reminding yourself - I should be reminding myself too, that all of this is done for Allah. Nor for the results, not for the name, not for other people to remember our deeds. If it doesn't work out, it means that Allah is trying to teach us a far more valuable lesson of patience and preserverance. If Rasulullah gave up after the people of Taif threw rocks at him, we would never experience Islam to what it is today. If Abu Bakr and Umar gave up after Rasulullah passed away, Islam would never be spread to where it did today. 

A much closer to heart example, 

Zainab had to sacrifice her undying love for her husband as she made her hijrah to Madeena, having to leave her husband behind because he as a musyrik. It was such a sad experience but she did what she had to for Allah. Soon after, she was rejoined back with her husband, a Muslim then and they continued to live happily for only a short span of time before her husband was finally granted syaheed which after that she followed suite.

*smiles*

Truly everything that is sacrificed in the sake of Allah, remains with Him. And He will give it back, either in Dunya or in the hereafter. In a much greater and better condition. That definitely will be the greatest reward after all the pain we had to endure.

Let's have faith and keep the pace

Let's open the heart to many doors ahead

And take fragments of people along the way

InshaAllah, we will learn so much more

And obtain even more when we return back to Him

May this benefit us, Biiznillah.

A Fresh Start

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Alhamdulillah. Finally reached Hong Kong after 4 hours from Kuala Lumpur.

Alhamdulillah. Marching to Ireland with full grace and bravery.

Alhamdulillah. For the awesome company.

Alhamdulillah to you. Alhamdulillah to me. Alhamdulillah to a brand new beginning.

Let's aim for that Jannah together everyone.

Ramadhan Diaries: To look back is to learn from mistakes

Assalamualaikum everyone,

Alhamdulillah, it's already coming to the end of Ramadhan and everyone is excited getting prepared for Eid. True enough this year's Ramadhan was the best I have had yet and it ending soon, scares me to death because the Shaytan will soon be released from their shackles - free to roam and influence us to do misdeeds.

Well, succumbing to the sadness of Ramadhan going away will not help me so instead let's all get our minds and body prepared for an 11-month battle before finally reuniting with Ramadhan again. Here, I'm suggesting a book because I find tht back when I used to have all the bad thoughts rolling in my brain and an abundance of free time, books became the friends tht Allah granted me to tame my Nafs.

The book entitled "Aku, Hamasah As-Syabab" takes into the readers a collection of short stories, poems and advices from a Muslim brother to his Muslim brothers and sisters about dreaming BIG and walking the steps to realising it. It's not a deep or informative book but it acts more of like a motivational one, igniting the flames of a Rijal to fight in the cause of Allah while highlighting aspects relatable to Syababs (youth) in a prospect I believe is distinctive of a Muslim. A light read but very close to heart, suitable for those who are on the go.

Click on the link and grab a copy. Imanshoppe provide worldwide postage so don't miss out on this book tht could prove to help us prepare for the harsh battle with Shaytan and our Nafs out soon (Biiznillah).

Ramadhan Diaries: Happy

"Sab,
Setiap orang ujian mereka berbezakan.

Sab,
Each and every one of us have different tests.

*lists a number of examples*

Dan ramai lagi
Nak cakapnya mungkin disitu Allah nak uji keikhlasan kita

And many more
This is to say that probably this is where Allah wants to test our sincerity"

"Kenapa nak sedih pun?

Why would u want to be sad?

I mean, you've got things that some people long for
A wonderful family, flying off to overseas inshaAllah

Alhamdulillah for alllll the stuff that Allah gave you."


Surely the soft-hearted feels much pain when it is inflicted with trials, this is saying with account to my state of emotional behaviour. I can blame the environment, but that's never a proper etiquette would it?
Let's look at it this way;-

1. It is not just you being sad and disheartened, many else are.
2. You are so much blessed, why would you want to be sad in the first place?

“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, 

and this applies to no one but the believer. 

If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him.

 If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” 

(Narrated by Muslim, 2999).

Credits

"If ye are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you; But if ye show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed."

(Ibrahim,14:7)

And again, happiness despite trials only happens to believers.

Allahuma balighna Laylatul Qadr

:)

Ramadhan Diaries: Miracles

Today, miracles happen in multitudes.

Today, in Ramadhan, truly it is a blessing.

Today, Allah has proven His Power. Nasrullah is right in front of you.

"..but Allah willed to justify the Truth according to His words and to cut off the roots of the Unbelievers; that He might justify Truth and prove Falsehood false, distasteful though it be to those in guilt."

Al-Anfal: 7-8

What more do we need to prove His Power, His Love? And yet here in Ramadhan, we waste our time, waste our prayers and waste our ibaadah.

Time to act.

#Pray4Gaza

Ramadhan Diaries: Syukur

Buat Cahaya Kesabaran Kami,

Aku sedar kau sedang berada dalam kesedihan,
Tatkala kawan-kawan kau yang kau lihat sehari-harian bergembira dengan apa yang mereka terima.
Aku sedar kau sedang menyapu kekecewaan dalam hati kau,
meskipun dilihat dengan mata kasar kau sedang menyapu lantai rumah kau.

Aku tahu bahawa susah untuk kau terima berita ini,
Bukan sebab kau ingin memberontak
mahupun mempersalahkan takdir.
Aku tahu kesedihan kau adalah disebabkan kau menyesal akan kesungguhan kau yang tiada semasa kau menduduki peperiksaan itu.

Ya,
Niat kau lari.
Kau tidak bersemangat.
Kau hilang haluan ketika itu.
Kau berlawan dengan nafsu dan
kau melepaskan batuk di tangga.
Usaha, hangat-hangat tahi ayam.

Ya,
Memang salah kau sebab kau tak betulkan niat.
Memang salah kau tak fokus pada tujuan kau.
Memang salah kau sebab lemah, kalah melawan nafsu dan
memang salah kau kerana tidak bersungguh-sungguh.

Bencilah diri kau sendiri
Marahlah
Sedihlah
Tetapi redhalah.

Ini semua ketentuanNya.

*senyum*

Dalam kesedihan kau ini,
Bukankah Allah telah mengajar kau erti syukur yang sebaiknya?
Bukankah Allah telah mengajar kau erti ikhlas sedalamnya?
Bukankah Allah masih membantu kau walaupun kau sendiri telah menzalimi diri kau?

Mungkin jua ini adalah asbab (biiznillah) untuk mencapai kejayaan yang lebih memberangsangkan ummah suatu hari nanti.
Mungkin jua ini adalah yang terbaik meskipun kau fikir ia adalah suatu yang menyedihkan.

Bersyukurlah kau masih ada atap untuk melindungi kau,
Keluarga untuk menyayangi kau,
Ibu bapa untuk melindungi kau,
Makanan untuk memenuhkan perut kau.
Bersyukurlah yang bukan bunyi bom atau das tembakan yang menyinari hari-hari kau.
Bersyukurlah kau diberi peluang untuk menghirup udara yang segar.
Bersyukurlah kau masih mampu untuk menyambung pelajaran kau.

Bersyukurlah,
bersyukurlah,
bersyukurlah.

"Kasih sayang Allah kau tak dapat tafsir. Kadang-kadang kau tak faham pun. Tapi ini semua bukti Dia sayang kau sebab Dia gegar hidup kau dari awal supaya kau tak lalai dalam mengingati Dia. Senyumlah, kita kan mukmin. Semua adalah baik untuk kita."

This extract is written in my mother tongue because it was a conversation I had with myself as I was doing household chores today. After scrolling through social media and the sorts, flipped through countless quotes and opened up the Quran, Allah gave me more than I could ever ask for.

He always did, always will.

*smiles*

Remedy

Ramadhan Diaries: IB, it's a wrap.

Assalamulaikum

*smiles*

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Looking at the title, the time and the date, twas has ended the session of IB students sprawling in agony, twirling with glee and calmly planning for the next step after each receiving their online IB results at candidates.ibo.org.

Alhamdulillah, though whatever the results may be, one thing for sure is that finally we are able to crown ourselves with full glory as IB Survivors. Therefore, if any of you are reading this my friends, know that you went through those two years without bailing out until the end of our battle. And all this is done with the help of so many wonderful people around you, gifted by Allah Azzawajal.

Before I start rambling unconsciously, let me first make a clear statement that this post shall be personal. So if anyone who wishes to see something other than me being touchy and appreciative can decide to skip this post and move to another one, or wait for another post, or go to other blogs and read better thought-provoking posts.

IB,
It has been two years and I've struggled through every hole you made, paving my way through a land that certainly was devious yet was worth it all the way. Although we do have unfinished business with one another, I hope that Allah grants me peace with you as I finally bid farewell to the course that had thought me maturity even till the last moment. Thank you for being distinct in your lessons of 'torture'.

KMB,
There's nothing more that I can say to this place that has brought me to learn the meaning of tarbiyyah. Through the ups and downs of my life here, the walls see my tears, the skies hear my thoughts and the wind listens to my dreams. Every inch and corner of this humble sanctuary became witnesses of my mishaps, laughter, ill-doings and success. Not much can I say without reminiscing through the days I had here as a student and as His servant.

Teachers,
You are the epitome of awesome-ness. Every single ounce of success we achieve today is the results of what you have thought and nurtured us to be. We owe so much gratitude to all of you for the never-ending prayers, the late-night tuitions, the sincere advice and dedication you showered upon us despite us only being a pain to all of you. This includes Dr Saa'i who tolerates our late-ness, Pn Noraini for calculating our grades while statistically advising us and En Hatta for always finding a way to ensure the best of our welfare. Thank you, thank you, thank you. May Allah keep on blessing each and every one of you and grant you Jannah at the highest of place.

Seniors, Sisters,
Thank you for going through all the perils, hardships, car-crashes and night driving just to bear with us naughty people. We are blessed to be given the chance to learn about our Creator and embrace our purpose of life while delving closer to what needs to be done in order to fulfil it. We may not be the best of sisters, we have yet so much to learn but we are indebted to all your kindness and deeds in which we are sure that only Allah can repay. The love that you have brought us to, that you have brought me to, gave me the strength to overcome my darkest fears, my worst demons and allowed me to attain a Love far more valuable than any of this world.

Friends,
I can't possibly list each and every one of you here but undoubtedly being a part of Titanium was an astounding experience indeed. Honestly speaking, some may not interest the likes of me but as a whole, all of you thought me lessons I know I could not gain anywhere else in the world. No matter who you are - whether we've talked or made contact or not, your actions in KMB meant something in my life and thank you for giving me a wonderful two years worth remembering.

Classmates,
You know who you people are. We're all a little crazy, loud, sarcastic, weird and annoying but I'd never trade myself to be in another class other than you lot. Like I said before, this is my first class that people decided to celebrate birthdays with cakes and pranks. Also the first class in which I found great connections with everyone. We do have our fights and when sometimes that might cloud our judgement making us think ill of others, I'd always remember our Bakau trip and how that was the best trip we had as a class. A family.

Roommate,
I need to write about you. Haha.. Clearly because, you're one of my stronghold in KMB and everybody knows that. I've watched you laughed your head off, and you've watched me hysterically making jokes. You've watched me in my weakest state and I've seen you being in the most vulnerable. We met, we matured, we changed and we moved on. Together, side by side. Together then, now, and inshaAllah in the future. Roomie, even if we part, you'd still be my bestfriend. The one who's crazy enough to protect me inside out. Love you Lillah sister. :)

Mum, Dad,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't excel like I used to. I'm sorry that maybe this time around, you won't be getting anything to be put on that shelf. I promise to do better after this and be a good medical student, a good daughter and a good doctor for the ummah. I'll be a good sister so that both Ammar and Sonia will follow suite and also be the proof that you have done the best in becoming our parents. I promise to make you proud in Jannah. I'll try my best and I'll never give up and I'll keep on moving even if it's going to take every bit of strength from me.

Ya Allah, Ya Rasulullah,
Alhamdulillah, Subhanallah, Allahu Akbar.
You have made me alive up till today to witness so much of Your miracles. So much of Your wonders and so much of Your power. Never in my whole life would I have imagine to be the one chosen to bring about this sacred message of Islam that You have dawned upon Rasulullah. I am not worthy of being given the opportunity yet You still chose me. I've learned my lesson here. So much, so much have I understood about my deen. So little have I done though, and so much have I yet to learn. Rasulullah, sahabahs, stories that I once thought were mere fairy tales, myths and historical legends are now one of my pushing factor to strive even faster in this path to Allah. I hope whatever that I have gotten will be used for the betterment of the ummah and as an investment for my future in Jannah.

I am happy Allah. Despite everything, I am happy. I am happy that I am still here, alive, breathing. And despite all of this, I enjoy living my life like this; under Your shade. I pray that You give the best for me and my friends because I believe they worked so much harder and they deserve to be given the best.

And to that one person who has been there witnessing this all, I pray that Allah grants you strength, wisdom, patience and understanding as we build ourselves to become Rijals of the Ummah.

Finally, its the end. With that, bismillahirrahmanirrahim, I bid farewell to my life as an IB student.

*wipes tears*

*moves forward*

Ramadhan Diaries: Our Salah

Nothing much to say, just watch.

*clicks on URL*

The Salah Like You've Never Heard It Before

Ramadhan Diaries: To begin anew

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to you dusty blog of mine.

*brushes dust away*

*smiles*

Alhamdulillah, tsumma alhamdulillah for yet another day to be given the chance to breath free oxygen in this temporary world of ours and most importantly surviving till now to meet again with Ramadhan.

*excited*

Well, I know it's already the fourth day of Ramadhan and maybe some of the jitters celebrating this festive month has faded in some of us, but I hope everyone still has the zeal to continue on this journey and maximise it to the fullest inshaAllah.

Ramadhan to most, is a month where we have to starve in order to complete the third pillar of our deen - Islam. It is of utmost importance that we fulfil this obligation as it is what makes us as a Muslim, be a Muslim.

Alright, enough of the factual statements.

In Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 183,

" O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint." 

Let's do some simple tadabbur, shall we?

*smiles* ( You gotta agree anyways if you're continuing reading)

Allah mentioned specifically, "Ye who believe" clearly saying that this ayaah is for those who believe, the believers in Allah and Rasulullah. Not the musyrikeen, the kafirs, the non-muslims and of course not the atheists, but The Believers. Therefore, you and I, which inshaAllah are believers, must open our eyes and ears and get IN TO whatever that Allah will be saying to us after this. Also, it is only with imaan (belief) will our fast be accepted. It's especially for us special people, so focus on this aite.

Now, in the ayaah, Allah said that fasting has been prescribed to us AS it was prescribed to those before us. Meaning that we're not alone in this battle and it's not something new. It is not that only Muslims living in the 21st Century has to fast, not only Muslims in Algeria has to fast, not only those born in the period of 1988-2014 has to fast but even those before us have been fasting. So let's say that this ayaah was sent in to us approximately 1400 years ago, means that even before Rasulullah came in the picture, there are already believers of the previous prophets who are fasting. MashaAllah, we are truly connected even before then until now!

Okay, through away my awkward excitement and let's continue. 

Allah continues the verse by saying, "that ye may (learn) self-restraint". In Arab, it sounds "La'allakum tattaqun". So fasting is considered a pathway for you to achieve taqwa, which in this translation means 'self-restraint.' Now what does taqwa means? Literally, it means being cautious, aware and afraid. But the best words describing taqwa are that of Thalq bin Habib Al'Anazi;

العَمَلُ بِطَاعَةِ اللهِ، عَلَى نُوْرٍ مِنَ اللهِ، رَجَاءَ ثَوَابِ اللهِ، وَتَرْكِ مَعَاصِي اللهِ، عَلَى نُوْرٍ مِنَ اللهِ، مَخَافَةَ عَذَابِ اللهِ

"Taqwa is worshipping Allah by using the light (guidance) Allah has granted, hoping only for Allah's forgiveness, restraining from wrong-doings based on His light (guidance) and being terrified of His wrath."

(If you understand it in Arabic, the words are super beautiful mashaAllah. *le cries*)

So if we put things on a timeline, we can say that,

Believers --> Fast --> Achieve Taqwa!

What's the point in achieving taqwa you say? Aha. Now aren't we all aiming for Jannah? So those who want to achieve Jannah must be those who are of taqwa and most importantly, to be considered 'high' in the sight of Allah we must be those who have taqwa. Really, when you look at the word taqwa or self-restraint, Allah isn't asking much of us. Allah is not asking us to work hard and have a bank account filled with 100 million USD before He will grant us Jannah. Nor is He decreeing that only those who have four bachelor degrees in different areas and two PhDs are allowed to be called worthy by Him. He just wants us to learn self-restraint, to be cautious of our actions and to follow His Light (see, He even provides Guidance? MashaAllah, you blind people not see how He has made it easy for us? *le cries some more) in order for us to be admitted to Jannah. He doesn't need us to do so, He is still the Almighty even if we decide to not obey Him. And hey, He could just make us all really abiding servants. Then again, why chose His wrath over His Love?

We hear a quote say "Why does a Loving God wants to give His servants Hell?"

And it continues, "Why would a servant choose Hell over a Loving God?"

So beloved people of the world, if you're a Muslim, let's make a fresh start this Ramadhan. It's never too late to come back to Allah and His doors are always wide open. If you feel that the urge has not yet risen, then keep on knocking. That's just Allah's way of wanting to hear from you more and that your reward will be a heavy sum of so many things you can never imagine of. 

And to those who are starting to learn of this deen, trying to repent but don't know how, I suggest you to go try finding Mercy Mission headquarters, attending Brother Shah Kirit's talks through IIS (if you're in Malaysia) or try going to this link for Naseeha Sessions videos. InshaAllah, you'll find what you're looking for. Keep on looking and never give up.

Praying the best for all my brothers and sisters out there. Let's make extra du'a for those in Iraq, Iran, Palestine, Syria and Rohingya because they are currently in distress and the du'a is what we can give to help inshaAllah.

*waves goodbye*

References:

http://muslim.or.id/ramadhan/tafsir-surat-al-baqarah-183-berpuasa-menggapai-takwa.html

http://eminda.forumotion.com/t61-tafsir-ibn-katsir-surah-albaqarah-ayat-183-184-kewajipan-berpuasa

http://isnidalimunthe.tumblr.com/post/54919701755/q-s-al-baqarah-183-185-187

Allah's Grace

Sometimes, those who seem to be the wisest are the ones hurting the most.
They say bright thoughts because they don't want their history to be repeated on another soul.

For themselves, they only hold on to these words,
".... never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."
(Yusuf:87)

Birthdays

There's something about giving to others on your birthday rather than being the receiving end.

Even time and attention could make a person's day. It could even be the best birthday present you could give yourself.

Whatever the outcome of today is, I know I have been blessed for 20 years already. Alhamdulillah ya Rabb, it was most definitely a great journey and hoping tht in the future, I will still be on this path to come back to You inshaAllah.

:)

Of Hardships, Sisters, Futur and His Grace

Assalamualaikum...

*blows dust away*

Alhamdulillah.. All praise be to Allah for still allowing me the time, energy and brain to write here in this blank canvas that inshaAllah could bring goodness to people somewhere in a time zone I know not of.

Today, as of 10:47, I have faced a series of events that starts of with the normal 'domestic engineer' schedule to being a sister, a dirtbag and finally to a humble servant. To tell the whole chronological story of what I have been through today would not be a smart thing to do but I'll highlight the things that made me touched and think alot today.

So I woke up for Fajr prayers as usually and slept right afterwards despite the pact we made to not sleep after Fajr (I shall strive better inshaAllah). Got my brains cracking up to work at 10.30 waking my cousin up and having dhuha prayers which was soon continued with a mountain of clothing needed to be hanged and dried. Messages came in from my FB Messenger and through Whatsapp.

"I just hope that I can do something more to help the ummah and to help everyone that I love.."

"Maksud akak, akak yang banyak cacat cela tu.."

Both these extracts came from two different person. Both trying to do what they can with what Allah has granted them. One was facing hardship and difficulties wanted to do something while the latter knew that she was not perfect but still would want to do good for us sisters.

Then came the afternoon and I went through futur mode for one hour doing what I promised my bare self and Allah to not do again. I realized my wrong and stopped right before it peaked. Talked to a friend, and quickly got over the negative system that is shrouding my thoughts and being.

I came back into my room and discussed about issues the ummah faces today with a sister and planned for tomorrow's big day. Saw a video a group of friends made and discussed more about it with the sister. Night came, I browsed through my dashboard and saw a new post from one of my favourite blogger. Finally, I cried.

Alhamdulillah, that is just what I needed. Tears.

You see.. These past few days, I've been waiting for that hunch to cry. I believed that crying too much without actions is just an act of weakling. So rather than wasting time to cry, why not used that amount of energy to make a change and stop whatever bad you are doing while propagating the good you can by your own hands. However, another thing that I discovered was that if it is done continuously without heart, it would be just dry and soon will lose it's meaning (though it's not a sign for you, me and everyone else to not do it). So wandering around finding that feeling of purpose, Allah gave me numerous stories today, both reflecting and touching altogether.

Not everyone was granted with an opportunity wide enough to spread dakwah and engage in tarbiyyah as much as I could. Some would want to feel and understand the same responsibility but Allah has better plans for them. Therefore, as someone who has been gifted with the time and ability to do more, why should I sway of my responsibilities? So when a sister approached me to talk about things associated with this responsibilty I hold, what more reason can I give to say no to her.

We all are humans, therefore we are surely to be tested on what we say, so that Allah will know who is the best of His servants (Muhammad, 47:31). And so in our tests, we may fail as we are created weak (An-Nisa, 4:28). But succumbing to that weakness is not what we are made to do because that will not change us to be better slaves (Ar-Ra'd, 13:11). I know I did wrong, everyone does, at their own different degrees. But what keeps me going is the fact that Allah sees what I do and he is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. Repenting needs discipline, giving up will not help me change but effort, courage and discipline will.

And finally, after all that's been said and done. The night was given closure by a beautiful, simple post that had touched my hearts. Alhamdulillah. *smiles*

In life, we face obstacles. We tumble and bruise ourselves. We learn from others and manage strategies to live our lives the best we can. To reach that final destination in which we know is Eternal and Forever. Today, Allah gave me a glimpse of that, in which I know, is to prepare me for a bigger cause.

Ya Allah, thank you for every ounce of blessing You have bestowed upon me. Being your humble servant is the best I could ever ask for.

Counting Stars

This ayaah striked me once back in April 2012. Now, this ayaah reminds me of the sudden surprise - a never-ending blessing Allah gave me in the form of heart-warming individuals.

Al-Nahl, 16:18

"If you would count up the favours of Allah, never would you be able to number them, for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

I think everyone has this desire of getting something special. So when you don't get it, you start being rather envious of other people. Although knowing it is wrong, as a normal human being, we would still feel it. Even Aisyah R.A did. But it all comes back to us, whether or not we know why we are fighting so hard to not even gain that so-called "special attention" and instead make jihad against our nafs.

It is a very small amount of sacrifice but nothing goes without Him noticing. And that is so true.

*smiles*

He has given so much, yet we have given so less. You and me, what have we really done for the ummah? Umar and Zaid cried asking themselves of their contribution to the ummah when they have conquered Jerusalem, Land of the Anbiya's. Where do we place ourselves in that circle friends?

And still, Allah tends to the yearning soul and gave a 'gift' that is far more precious than anything else which is mentioned in the ayaah, His Forgiveness and His Mercy. Really, what is there more to ask?

#burn

There's a thing about..

There's a thing about pain,

It demands to be felt.

(The Fault in Our Stars, John Green.)

There's also a thing about Nafs,
It demands your attention.

There's also a thing about weakness,
It is the nature of humans.

There's also a definite about power,
It comes only from Allah.

*smiles with determination*

There's this thing about us,
We are made to serve only Him.

So it's time to move and not to procrastinate.

Inspiration

So it has been two weeks and apparently breathing through the air Allah granted me has yet to astound my inner excitement of dwelling in this land He created especially for his servants - the humans.

Alhamdulillah, there is still enough oxygen supplied to meet the needs of my body and Alhamdulillah there is less nose obstruction to my inhalation and exhalation yet the feeling of blankness still exist, day by day expanding until I could feel the hole now. Well, to be exact it was yesterday.

It has mainly been my concern that I have yet to fulfil my life-long duty as an abiding servant and what more a model of pure Muslim. With this concern, I tried my best to begin practising extra 'activities' though it saddens me that in the end, this nafs-problem keeps on repeating itself which makes me wonder,"Would Allah forgive me again?"

So I bumped into this ayaah a few days ago in Surah Al-Maidah,

Know ye that Allah is strict in punishment and that Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.

(5:98)

*cries*

So later on, it strucked me. "Baiknya Allah... (How Kind is Allah..)"

Speaking about yesterday, I finally realized that after all this while I have lost the ability to be inspired by other people what more to inspire others. The colourful canvas which is me now seems as pale and dark as a hollow street at far-end of town. Was my heart that tainted? What have I done?

I looked at my hands, felt my heart, brushed my head. These bodyparts, they, they did nothing wrong. It was my soul that tainted them, that made them do ill things. This soul abused the gifts Allah bestowed upon me. You could guess that I was feeling this overbearing guilt as I summed up the misdeeds I've done. I couldn't even pray for myself, I only prayed that Allah forgave me and protected everyone else from being harmed by my ill-doings.

Inspiration gone, I feel numbed. But it doesn't mean I can give up. It just means that I need to recalibrate my intentions, clean up those dirty spots in my soul, patch up the void, and fill it with my Creator. InsyaAllah, things will be well.

Allah is nearer than our jugular vein aite?

Metals

Infusing Quranic lifestyle with my current addiction of shonen-style drawing.

:)

May this and more to come be of benefit to this path.

Letter to A Friend

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalamualaikum
I hope you do not find this an annoyance
Wherever you are
If you come across this simple blog
I hope you know this letter is for you.

Friend,
Remember the first time we met
How our eyes exchanged glances for just a moment
I was eating, looking down
You were staring, focused
Yet we knew none of each other.

Remember the first time we worked together
And how we kid each other around
You would smile awkwardly
And I'll tease that smile, laughing inside
Yet you still don't mind
Yet we knew so less of each other.

Remember the time when you had to leave
I stared as you walked away
Fixed at your movement,
knowing I might not see you again
Tears welled up,
I don't even know why
We still knew less of each other.

Days passed,
I met you again
We laughed, we smiled
We shared our thoughts and fears and tears
We became close buddies
You and me
But we were still strangers to each other.

Friend,
Remember those nights when we stared at the ceiling
And hoped we could see stars twinkling
You, me, separated but in our own space
A space that existed only for us to be
But we were actually strangers to each other.

Years passed,
I've known you through so many moons
Your smile
Your laugh
Your voice
Your stride
Your thoughts
Your passion
Your dreams
Your heart
I have them all embedded
When I know I shouldn't
Because even now,
we are still strangers to each other

So I prayed to Allah,
"Give me guidance."
"Give me strength."
"Show me what I should do now, my Lord."
I cried.
I decided.
I've loved and I always will.
So I embraced the ultimate Love
Because that Love was not a stranger, but is the Creator to me.

Friend,
Despite all my words before
The ones that are true are these

"Don't forget us."

Be strong and fight hard.
My fighter, the ummah's backbone, Allah's soldier.
Because one day you will cease to be that stranger
And you will soon be,
My protector.

Biiznillah.

Our Dreams of Jannah

"Dekat syurga saya nak istana ice-cream. Saya nak tinggal dalam istana tuh."
"In paradise I want to have a castle made of ice-cream. I want to live in that castle."

Said Yani during lunch.

"Binalah impian kat syurga Yana. Nanti awak akan semangat nak capai matlamat tuh."
"Build dreams about heaven Yana. You'll be more spirited to achieve that goal."

Continued Yani. I smiled.

.................................................................

"Saya nak suasana yang sama macam nih kat syurga. Cuma lagi meriah."
"I want to have this same environment in paradise. Only more merrier."

Said Atiq during dinner at Red Wok. We were having a 50-people eating session.

"Awak nak tinggal kat istana ice-cream saya tak nanti?"
"Do you want to stay at my ice-cream castle?"

Asked Yani with a genuine smile to Atiq. It was contagious so I smiled too.

..............................................................

Basically that was what motivated me to write about this in tonight's entry (okay, so it's already midnight over here in Malaysia).

I loved the fact that as Muslims, Allah grants us hapiness even after our death. Life even after we lose breath in this world. After that last stab of pain, we are actually given the chance to experience the heavenly fragrance and remarkable view of an eternal resting place - Paradise.

Looking back at the past, when we were young children, teachers would usually ask us this famous question.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"What is you ambition?"
Well adults in general ask that. And that includes our parents, our grandparents, our uncles and aunts, our older cousins, our neighbours and even the head of the Parents Teacher Association (PIBG); that we don't really know, would bug us with that question.

As we grow older, the question basically is just manipulated but still has the same meaning.
"What do you want to in the future?"
"What do you want to achieve in life?"
"What is you ultimate goal?"

My question is, what will happen once we attain that goal?
So we want to be a doctor (it's like this common mindset that parents and society mould you to become ever since you are young), we are successful in achieving that, we became doctors, after that what? What comes after achieving that goal?
I felt this when I finally arrived to Japan, the land I long to set foot on ever since I came to know about the existence of anime. Alhamdulillah Allah granted me the chance to arrive at the land of rising sun. However, once I reached Narita airport, it hit me, "So I'm here in Japan. What next? What should I do here?"
Okay maybe it was my fault, I did not plan my visit to Japan that thoroughly because I never would have expected that it would come true. But it did. Subhanallah it did.

When I look at it now, these worldly goals always have an end. Motivators usually tell us to "Dream Big". Big names like Bill Gates and Donald Trumph do what with those big dreams that they have achieved? They are always in this constant battle to maintain their wealth. They are always wary of any competition that could bring them down. Where's peace in that ultimate goal?

It seems not as rewarding as it's suppose to be.

And it is most certain that our final destination is death. So why do so much when you're just going to enter the earth back again? So that your name resonates till the end of time like Shakespeare? So that you get to save some money for your family whom will eventually die as well?

Nothing is permanent, so why fight so much for impermanent Dunya?

And that's why we have decided to plan our goals for the hereafter. For Jannah. Our everlasting resting place that we will be reunited in the same age together with Rasulullah, our beloved Prophet. We'll be seeing our Master that granted us all these gifts in the world.

We'll be seeing Allah. *smiles, cries*

Thinking about it sends chills down my spine. I know there's still much to do to achieve that place higher above. Because the serenity of Jannah cannot be described easily by comparing it to DipnDip waffles or Baskin Robbins' Raspberry Ripple.

"We do too dakwah. Too little tarbiyyah. And too much jahiliyah. Yet we expect to enter Jannah..?? Pffftttt."

-Angel Pakai Gucci-

It's time to gear up soldiers Allah. We're in for a battle to achieve sweet paradise.

"Saya nak jumpa semua family members saya kat syurga. Saya nak spend masa saya banyak-banyak dengan dorang sebab saya takde masa yang cukup kat dunia. Heee.."
"I want to see all my family members in paradise. I want to spend a whole lot of time with them because I rarely have time with them here in dunya. Heee.."

Chosen

In the name of Allah The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

I begin this entry with Alhamdulillah to the Almighty for still granting this body and mind decency to write and indulge in the wealth of being a Muslim.

I am forever indebted to Him. We all are. I won't be listing out all the basic necessities as I believe everyone is already aware of that blessing He gave us (up to the point where some of us make it seem that Allah is obliged to give all those needs that we take it for granted) so I'll move in to the greatest that He has given some of us out there, the opportunity to be born as a Muslim.

Earlier today - well technically it was yesterday at 8.45 pm to be exact - we had our daily maghrib tazkirahs and we touched on the topic of being grateful, of 'Alhamdulillah'.

*smile*

Alhamdulillah is a word that we usually say; sometimes in repetition, as we praise Allah who has given us either good tidings or tough lessons in the form of a troublesome events (saying it's bad would be overrated. We know how Allah does His magic. *wink*).

So Alhamdulillah consists of basically two things. Praise and Gratefulness.
An example of a praise would be:-
"That is such a beautiful painting."
"Sister, what a nice abaya you have over there."
Basically praising a person/item/object would be simply stating that it looks nice, it's cool or it's downright awesome. You don't become grateful of the thing that you praise of. Looking at the example, I'm pretty sure that when we view a beautiful painting we're not that grateful that it is beautiful unless we were the painters nor we would we appreciate the sister's nice abaya unless she's going to lend it to us.
On the other hand, gratefulness is an act by which we appreciate another person/item/object but it does not necessarily mean that we give praise to it. For example:-
"I'm glad there's water today for us to bathe."
"Thanks for paying the fees on time."
You thank some one or appreciate a certain condition without actually praising it. Even the Quran outlined an important example of this with regards to our parents. (Al-Isra': 23) So your parents ask you to perform shirk, well you still need to be grateful for them, you still need to treat them with honour. You might not praise their acts but Allah decreed that you should be grateful for them as Allah was the one who granted them to you. This can even be seen when Fir'aun questioned Musa AS of his upbringing in the Pharoah's palace. The prophet Moses acknowledged of the favour Fir'aun did though he never praised him for anything else.

However, when we combine Alhamdulillah, we combine them both in an act of praising Allah and being grateful for what He gives, let it be ease or hardships. This indirectly speaks for itself on how a Muslim should act as. Positivity should be in our blood because in our Alhamdulillah we believe that Allah is giving the best for us.

*smiles some more*

What striked me the most was that we are the people of Alhamdulillah. We are positive people.

MasyaAllah, the feeling of gratefulness was overwhelming I could just utter, "hashtag burn (#burn)".

At the end of the day, I can never crack the code in why Allah chose me amidst the crowd of people who are far more pious than I am. Even if I took days pondering on the reason behind Him still putting me back on track, I will still fail to construct a logical explanation. All I could say is that I'm already chosen, I should try and act more like Musa alaihissalam and bear this responsibility in the best way possible for My Lord. I believe He purified me through countless times and lift me up in my darkest hours. It's the least I could do, the least we could do.

After all, we are the people of Alhamdulillah right?

*smiles*

In this path to Allah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

In this path to Allah,

I saw light in between the darkness

I saw truth in the midst of lies

I embraced solitude in the company of many.

In this path to Allah,

I met friends.

Some where those whom that I've known

Some where strangers, stories untold.

Yet now are all my companions

In this trusted journey back to Him.

In this path to Allah,

I've lost a few

Some close, some new

Some of which I only know by name

But the connection felt

Is as though they are my own

In this path to Allah,

My past is buried

My preferences changed

I was no longer her

But a new me

That learned to love

More of the world than of her selfish self.

In this path to Allah,

I suffered pain

I released those that were dear to me

I fought my fears and demons

Only so that I can return

Back to Him, back to Jannah

In this path to Allah,

He gave me gifts.

Of time

Of understanding

Of necessities

Of smiles

Of love

Of people.

And these gifts were all

From Him, for Him.

In this path to Allah,

I ventured through paths I've never set foot

I paved through regions I'd never dream of

I made vows I am terribly scared of

I detached

I moved on

I had to do what I 'need' to do

It soon became a want

It eventually became my blood

In this path to Allah,

He chose me out of the mass

Although I don't deserve it

As I've sinned through day and night.

Yet he kept me on this road

On this path

Back to Him.

Dearest,

He chose you out of them all

To read and maybe understand

That this path

Are for His Soldiers.

Are for His Mercenaries.

Are for His Humble Slaves.

Willing to sacrifice what they hold.

To bring back the truth,

To bring back what is right,

Which is

Islam.

Let us pave this road with blood roses and metal chains.

Because we'll meet again under green shades and milk rivers.

InsyaAllah, in Jannah we will be.

A Smile

Assalamualaikum wrh wbt

Smiles.

It's been awhile since I've experience true smiles. Been awhile since I enjoyed how sincere one could actually smile and be honest in a conversation. Well, it may also be due to the fact that I haven't been having social interaction with humans for the past week but I dare not that say that anyone has 'evil' to me. I believe that the only one being evil is me; to myself.

Putting all the negativity aside,
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah.

Much has Allah granted to me and the whole world. Although there is a shortage of water here in Selangor, it is still a much better condition compared to those in Jogjakarta whom are facing 'sand rain' due to the volcano burst.

And through all these I have learned that we need to be grateful towards what is occurring around us. Despite the fact that maybe we can't be able to do things other people can do, even though there will be times when we can't attend events as much as we use to. People will judge, that can't be stopped. Guilt will be surrounding every inch of your soul. You'll feel awful, bad, left behind.

However...

Never make that stop you from moving forward and trying to find what you can do of the moment. Don't ever let shaytan take a spot in your heart and say that you can't do anything else. Never let it ruin your system and tell you that you can't do other things.

Tarbiyyah is when you look at these things with good judgement that Allah will make things better. Because at the end of the day, He loves you and He wants the best for you. Take into account what you can do.

Don't sulk.
Get up and brave the day.
Let those who say that you are 'filtered'
Understand.
You can live and bloom.
And that you're not useless filtrate.

Smile, dear sad soul.
Didn't Allah promise?
"Be not, then, faint of heart, and grieve not: for you are bound to rise high if you are (truly) believers."
Al-Imran: 139

Smile love. Be strong. :)