Alhamdulillah, it has been three days since the finish of my CA (Continuous Assessment) for Biochemistry and alhamdulillah that the coming dusk will be Awal Muharram. Galway is getting colder and currently we're all trying to adjust with the weather here which rains for 15 minutes, stops for 5 and then continues to rain. Surely is a challenge but insyaAllah bearable.
Three days ago - to be exact, it started a week ago - I had been questioning myself as to why it has been so 'dry' living. I'm not saying dry that is as though I'm having trouble with food and that I'm shrivelling into some kind of dried vegetable, but more like losing meaning to life. Questions like,
"Why am I doing this in the first place?"
"Why do I care so much about what is going to happen to other people?"
"Why must I trouble myself to decide on which to attend?"
"Why must I care about people's thoughts?"
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm rebelling towards anything nor am I saying that the community here are being pushy or trying to pressurize us. The people here are good, remarkably kind and generous but sometimes not even that is good enough of a reason to go through so much just for their cause is it? You can be nice to your friends, but everyone has a limit. One's patience is like the limiting reagent to one's action. You can be as nice as you can but in the end, you don't have the patience of Nabi Ayoub, what more the patience of Rasulullah to withstand all the tiredness.
So I asked myself this question,
"What does Allah want me to gain in the end?"
And I remembered what my murabbi gave to me during the first time I had a sleepover at her house,
Love. That was the reason all along.
It was because of love that Rasulullah did spread Islam. It was because of love that the sahabahs fought for the sake of upholding the rightful place of Islam. It was because of love that the sisters go through days and nights thinking about their mutarabbis.
And it was because of love that Allah granted me life and understanding on this path.
I soon started to look at everything in a better perspective as I acknowledge all the hardships were given because of love. Not just because of the cliche 'Allah misses you and wants to here your prayers and plea' but instead because of Allah's love, I am given the opportunity to learn a valuable gift behind the dark clouds of trials and misery.
Due to that love, it is only logic that I spread love as well. Love that Allah has bestowed to me is a love that is bestowed to the whole universe. And this is the same love that flows in the blood of the Anbiya', in the sahabahs, in the tabi'-tabi'in and in the Muslims around the whole world.
So next time I'll know why I'm going through all of this,
It's because of love. Pure love.
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