For a Better World

I believe everybody is studying hard for their finals, doing their best to finish that assignment and cracking their head planning for their future.

No matter who we might be in the days to come, let it be a doctor, an engineer, an accountant, a rocket scientist, a pastry chef, a fireman or an activist, let's do it for the ummah.

Let's do it for the world.

Let's do it for Rasulullah.

Let's do it, most definitely, for Allah.

Words on Desktop Wallpaper

So here's a desktop wallpaper for anyone to use if they'd like. I took it from Kak Bazilah Mohd Zaki on her Facebook because I find the words to be extra compelling.

Khas buat kader dakwah seantero dunia. :)

Ikhlas,
Saya yang masih merangkak dalam tarbiyah, masih penuh dengan selaput jahiliyah.

Penyucian

Harini banyak pulak yang mahu ditadabburnya, hatta agenda menjahit pun menjadi peluang untuk tadabbur. (Sebenarnya sebelum malas nak menulis setiap lintasan hati. Wah, wah sibghah Allah gitu.)

I was never good at using thread and needle. Back during high school, whenever we had the task to sew different types of 'jahitan' for KH, mine would be the worse. Syasya would have one the best handcrafts when it come to sewing. And really, up till today all the patches that I had to sew would end up asymmetrical at all angles.

So today I decided to sew a huge hole on my blouse which was situated at the lower left part of it. Before, the hole never bothered me - it was just small. After months of letting it be, I soon find the slit increasing in size, with all the thread coming out like a bunch of angry yarnball. Thus, I decided to finally end its mayhem but sewing it tight.

And thus begin my endeavor of sewing the maroon blouse as 'properly' as I can ever be. Now before I began the ordeal of sewing the slit, I did not take the initiative to remove all the thread that's sticking out, together with that bundle of thread which I describe to be the 'Angry Yarnball'. Finishing my not-so-much work of art, I find that the stitch was not tight and decided to pull the thread already placed one by one to tighten it. When I came to the 'Angry Yarnball', things just got messed up and later (unsurprisingly) I was caught up in a dead end. There was no other choice but to cut the whole piece and stitch it back from scratch. Uhu.

I had to then make the decision to cut off the big mass of thread I made. And so I took a pair of scissors and cut through the whole pile of disaster. With that, I am finally able to mend my blouse properly and also, I learned how to sew neatly as well - much better than the first attempt alhamdulillah.

Mana tadabburnya?

It's coming. Hehe.

So what's the moral of the story from this experience of mine? Well, we're all human beings who make mistakes right? But all of us would actually want to be better and rid ourselves of our past misdeeds. Now, in order for us to become better slaves to Allah, we first need to cleanse our hearts and remove/stop/throw away/demolish all the improper acts that we have done.

Fasa pertama adalah penyucian jahiliyah, sekiranya diabaikan makan akan berlakulah 'Angry Yarnball' all over again.

And why do I say that? Well, if we don't stop the bad habits that we have, even if we try to make good deeds afterwards, we would still become tangled between those two things. Initially, it'll look easy to cope and you can simply mask away those ill doings with whatever goodness that you are trying to practice. But along the way, when you want to increase in the level of good deeds that you would want to do, the bad habits that you fail to remove will hinder your progress. Soon, you will be caught up with a huge mess and then, nauzubillahi min zalik, commit back to the past misdeeds you so wish to erase.

On the other hand, when you do decide to remove all the jahiliyah you have shrouding inside you, inshaAllah, proper repair can be taken. And with due course, you will be able to be a better person despite thinking that you lost a part of yourself. InshaAllah, what seems lost in our sight is never lost in the sight of Allah. He will definitely reward you for every sacrifice you make. *winkwink*

To add up to that, I'd say that being patient is essential both in becoming a better mukmin and also in becoming a dai'e. Sometimes our first few trials of trying to bring a liqa' will not bear fruit or achievement - maybe it would even just bring people away from ever wanting to learn more about the Deen. (peluh besar, moga Allah jauhkan kita daripada menjadi mereka yg menjauhkan manusia daripada agama huhu) But when one keeps trying, one will find the solution to enhance the skills needed in order to 'build' people as true muslims and mukmin.

Patience and belief is always key. Never ever give up.

And thus, ends my short ramble of me sewing the hole in my blouse. Till then~

Twas the jahiliyah I had to remove from my blouse before being able to mend it. A resemblance of my own jahiliyah perhaps?

Tadabbur OSCE

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Today marks the end of my OSCE for this semester. Being a third year medical student is of course never easy than the years before. And for the exams this semester, doubt shrouds me almost everyday at every time, sometimes causing me to just limp over my lecture notes fighting the urge to sleep. This, is just a fragment of the many struggles being a medical student. I cannot fathom the multitude of challenges when I start to enter my clinical years, what more life as a doctor.

Both me and my housemate were scheduled to have our OSCE session at 8.00am in the morning. We had to get up early before fajr prayers and this wasn't much of a difficulty owing it to quite a sleepless night waking almost every hour starting from 3 am. All of us were anxious for our OSCEs, we practiced all the physical examinations outlined in our course, looked at multiple ECG strips again and again, listened to countless repetitions of heart sounds and practiced interviewing each other for our history taking station. We reached the Comerford building on time, and luckily knew the stations we were to be examined before getting in the circuit. The feeling of syukr was clearly seen on our faces as we tried to revise back again each of the steps needed to go through the stations. However, no matter how many times we went through the steps, I still felt anxious - a rope tugging at my tummy, my heart fairly having palpitations. Then, we were told that the exam will start later at 8.30am because one of the examiners was running late. Relieved but still anxious; the anxiety never really left.

Soon afterwards, all of us were placed in our respective stations and I was already starting to do the DR examination on a mannequin, the examiner ushering me to get it done as swiftly as possible. Two procedural skills station down and I'm off for a rest station. Next was a spot diagnosis station, two physical examination stations, heart murmurs, another rest station, history taking, EBM with Gloria and finally a rest station. I can say that I was quite disappointed with all the stations afterwards except the one with Gloria.

'I should've done better.'

'Why didn't I remember that it was the Temporalis muscle?'

'Allahu, I was supposed to ask the patient to smile and clench his teeth. GI pulak.. Haishhh.'

'Should've gotten the heart murmurs down properly yesterday'

Doubt, doubt and more doubt. I was scared that I completely screwed up my OSCEs and this was supposed to be the time for me to fly through stations and gain as much marks as I can - because the SAQ and MCQ will not be any easier than this part of the course. Sunnatullah. Uhu.

[insert picture of a fainting person]

Despite me thinking about all of the ways my failure would be manifested, I remembered what Ilyani told me - over and over again since yesterday, "Semuanya Allah dah tetapkan untuk kita. Kita hanya perlu tabah menjalani takdir Tuhan dengan sebaiknya." She's right anyway, Allah has it all written; the results, my effort, how the examiners would mark me, everything as already destined. I did my best already, it's done and finished. Allah granted me the opportunity to strive the best I could and now, it's in the past - the OSCEs and everything in between. And the examiners were so thoughtful in making sure that we weren't in anyway pressured. I know by far that I did make several mistakes, but never did they stop probing me to gain some answers and perspective towards my actions, hinting on what I missed and should be doing. Yet, because of the lacking I had, I couldn't get the answers elicited during the stipulated duration, finding myself to regret at my rest stations.

This situation reminded me of this world. Actually, the final exams reminded me of this world - its nature and its significance towards the life of a slave.

Exams are only done for a limited amount of time, with the duration lasting from a few minutes to a few hours only for each paper/subject/OSCE station/etc. And after the time ends, our answer sheets will be given to our specific lecturers to be marked and given a grade. This grade will then be released at a specific time and everybody will know how they did at that time. Some people will get good grades, some will not. Some will tell everybody about, some will keep it hidden. Some will be happy, some will be disappointed. Some will wish they did better, some are satisfied with the results they received.

This world is a place for that kind of exam for us humans. Everyday we are tested, formally or not formally, to make a decision on how to react and act or which answer to circle on that MCQ paper. A conclusion must be made and actions must be taken, this in return, will lead to desirable results or something disadvantageous instead. Such results can either make us squeal in happiness or weeping tears of sadness. Like it or not, this world is made like that to be, and Allah - in His Divine Knowledge and Mercy, is allowing us the choice and chance to choose for ourselves, good or bad. However, a fact most humans limit themselves to is the fact that you will get the outcome for the actions done in life only in this world. We forget ever so often that this world has a nature of being temporary and we have the afterlife; the Day of Judgement that will be our 'graduation day' in which all our effort, results, and decisions will be displayed for the world to see. On that day, some people will rejoice over the fact that they made the right choices, following what Allah has decreed in the Quran to be followed by His slaves.

The ones who have believed, emigrated and striven in the cause of Allah with their wealth and their lives are greater in rank in the sight of Allah . And it is those who are the attainers [of success].Their Lord gives them good tidings of mercy from Him and approval and of gardens for them wherein is enduring pleasure.

(At-Taubah: 20-21)

And there will also be those whom will be far more disappointed in themselves for taking the wrong turn in life and not choosing to follow Allah's words.

And those who disbelieved will be driven to Hell in groups until, when they reach it, its gates are opened and its keepers will say, "Did there not come to you messengers from yourselves, reciting to you the verses of your Lord and warning you of the meeting of this Day of yours?" They will say, "Yes, but the word of punishment has come into effect upon the disbelievers.

(Az-Zumar: 71)

Scary? Very much scary than Trump being President of USA definitely.

On another perspective, Allah is actually just teaching us to believe and trust in His ordeals. He just wants us to trust that He knows what is best, that He does acknowledge our struggle and that He's actually got things pretty cleared out for us from the day we were born till the day we breathe our last breath. And Allah, is not one to go against His words.

ادْعُوا اللَّهَ وَأَنْتُمْ مُوقِنُونَ بِالإِجَابَةِ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ لاَ يَسْتَجِيبُ دُعَاءً مِنْ قَلْبٍ غَافِلٍ لاَهٍ

“Berdoalah kepada Allah dalam keadaan yakin akan dikabulkan, dan ketahuilah bahawa Allah tidak mengabulkan doa dari hati yang lalai.”

(Hadis Riwayat At-Tirmidzi no.3479, hasan)

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”

[Sahih Al-Bukhari]As always, we will definitely be tested again and again - probably because of the same mistakes we've made, probably to an even higher degree we've never really imagine we could withstand. As an a'bid we transgress so many times. We forget and we commit to those mistakes again, forgetting the promise we made to Allah never to repeat the wrongs we've done. And yet, He never really gave up on us no? In fact, He gives us comfort for the many times we fall, for the many worries we have and for the many doubts in our life.

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

(Az-Zumar: 53)And really, what much of a right do we have to be giving up on ourselves just because of our own weakness, when He says that He will definitely grant us goodness?Astaghfirullahalazim. May Allah remind and protect us all.
P.S: Two more papers to go inshaAllah. All the best third meds!

Abuse

Sometimes we abuse the Deen by only choosing what fits our needs
We feel that Allah owes us something for our obedience
And we only adhere to His ruling if we find it convenient for us

Astaghfirullahal azim

Kita claim kita layak ke syurga ke dengan attitude macam tu?

Malu

17 days have passed since the day I last wrote in here. And many things have happened, too many things to be described in detail but one word could really summed it all up.

Dilution.

To be honest, it has been a rough two weeks. Not to say rough as in the normal description that arises with the word. I can't really explain it in words but the feeling of not having much willpower, spirit, zeal, liveliness, passion, enthusiasm and ardour in tarbiyyah has completely dampened my productivity. I find it very disturbing to feel as such and the most disappointing feeling I can ever have is that towards myself - I am falling into this undeniable fate of 'dilution'.

What is dilution? Is it merely the act of adding more water to a concentrated solution resulting in it being diluted or is it something else? And how does dilution fit in the diminish intensity of zeal that I have stated to be the essence of my 'rough' two weeks?

.....

Proses pencairan ini terlalu sinonim didengari oleh ikhwah akhwat di serata dunia dan merupakan satu fasa yang amat digeruni. Ia merupakan suatu perkara yang lebih menakutkan daripada fasa futur, bahkan ia boleh dikatakan sebagai suatu sunnatullah yang pasti akan berlaku walau di mana kita berada. Walaupun saya hanyalah seorang akhwat yang masih bertatih atas jalan tarbiyyah (bahkan mungkin tidak layak untuk dipanggil sebagai akhwat sekalipun, tapi panggillah saya dengan gelaran itu selalu moga menjadi doa buat saya, huhu), saya sudah merasai penangan proses itu dan pada hari ini - setelah melalui satu tempoh muhasabah yang agak lama - saya dapati bahawa saya sedang mempamerkan simptom penyakit 'pencairan' ini.

.....

Thus, what are the symptoms that allowed me to come to the conclusion that I am indeed being under the pathological process of being 'diluted'?

1. I am no longer interested to read buku fikrah with passion and determination

2. I do not look at the sahabis as my point of reference or role model (I have displayed this change in interest as I began to watch anime back again. T_T)

3. I have lost the interest to complete my mutabaah amal on time (especiall my ODOJ)

4. I do not feel any excitement in going to usrah and wasilah tarbiyah (probably because I have none T_T)

5. Choosing an anime (or any other element of entertainment) as your phone wallpaper

6. Takes doing maksiat and wrong-doings lightly just because you 'believe' Allah is Most Forgiving [MAJOR SIGN OF SEVERE INFECTION] #penunggangagamatahapgiga

Sad life innit?

And when all of this manifest either in a chronological order or not, it makes me feel so disheartened to wake up in the morning and commit to my duties as a da'ie. Larut, cair, lemau, lembik, futur.  I cannot believe that I am here to face this day  that I will admit that I am feeling that the grounds I used to hold in high esteem are finally shaky and I am falling to the 'easy' path of being an overseas student instead of a taasis that works day and night to revive back the lost jewel of the ummah. 

Hambar, tawar, that was the feeling. The feeling of lost and dullness shrouded me and my inner self disabling me from engaging to a higher purpose, making me feel only connected to the ground that I am standing as it  continues clutching my ankles tight and not giving me a chance to roam free beyond galaxies. If claudication can be used to describe my limping iman, than I will use that word to annotate the severity this emptiness has caused me. 

At first I thought it was because of the lacking I have in my current tarbiyyah. We don't have proper daurahs, nor do we have anything else in the 7 wasilah tarbiyah being done here for us. My usrah consists of 3 final year students, 1 twinning student about to leave in two month's time and 2 third meds with a doctor murabbi. All crazy people with so many things to juggle yet have a higher threshold that needs to be fulfilled in order to satisfy the hunger for our tazkiyyah and ta'lim. Thus, I suggested that maybe we can fix this situation by providing much substance during our programmes to come. However, after saying as so, it still did not allow me to calm myself down.

Then came Qawaid Dakwah chapter six

Then came Surah At-Taghabun

Then came the story of Akh I and Kakak A

I am dumbfounded, and I reflected so much on these three inputs. Truth is, I have the lost the essence of tarbiyyah because I have chosen rukhsah over azimah. I have chosen to take things lightly when I should be taking them more seriously. My expenditure has increased when I used to be very strict on my spending. The food I eat has increased in consumption when I used to only eat a sufficient portion of food every meal without snacks. The time I spend slacking off doing nothing is the majority of how I spend my breaks in between studying. And I have been so laid back over many things that I have lost the urgency to keep on polishing my knowledge probably because I don't see how I should apply it kerana mad'u kurang.

Excuses by excuses come one after another.

Hakikatnya awak sedang futur Sabreena, face it.

And right after this realization, I really can find no other remedy than to go back to Allah and to seek for help in patience and prayers. To be patient, and to continue doing what I need to do with a sense of urgency as though the world depends on it.

Saya malu sebenarnya dengan mereka yang qawwiy itu.

Kerana saya sangat, sangat culas dengan tanggungjawab saya.

And then saya kata saya bawak dakwah? Pfft.

Dream on

:/

   

Kerna mereka benar-benar sayang

Today was my breaking point. From morning till evening, I was tested. By my feelings and by the people around me. Though I promised that I won't feel numb from it. I would not want to let these dark incidences cloud away my light.

No. Cahaya yang Allah bagi ini takkan aku biarkan padam hanya kerana ujian hari ini.

Despite saying as such, I did cry. I stopped crying, and cried again. And I know that when I go to bed tonight, I will cry as well.

But I know, Allah will never take me for granted. And for all that has happened, I believe that He will give me my happy ending.

*imagining lying below a shady tree in Jannah wearing robes of green and bracelets made of jade*

And I am blessed because during these times, there are people whom Allah gifted to come and shower me with words of motivation.

Ilyani hugged me close.
Haziqah cried for me.
Najhan gave me kind words and du'a.
Kak Siha, sent me emojis.
Farah, Adnin, Wani, Ella, Opie and Aimi helped remind me that I have friends around the world praying for my well-being.
And Yana, reminded me to seek help in patience and prayers.

I am blessed. Always have. Because above all, I have you Allah.
Alhamdulillah, thumma alhamdulillah.

وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلاةِ وَإِنَّهَا لَكَبِيرَةٌ إِلا عَلَى الْخَاشِعِينَ ,الَّذِينَ يَظُنُّونَ أَنَّهُمْ مُلاقُو رَبِّهِمْ وَأَنَّهُمْ إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ 

"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan sabar dan solat. Dan sesungguhya hal itu sangat berat, kecuali bagi orang-orang yang  khusyu’ , (iaitu) orang-orang yang menyakini, bahawa mereka akan menemui Rabb mereka dan bahawa mereka akan kembali kepada-Nya" (Al-Baqarah 2:45-46)

Percaya

Untuk percaya pada hari itu
Kita harus percaya pada ketetapan mati

Untuk percaya pada hari itu
Kita harus melangkah menerusi dimensi
Dan membebaskan diri dari ikatan bumi

Kesabaran itu bukanlah lahir daripada diri kita
Melainkan ia dikurniakan Dia
Sebagaimana para ulul azmi diteguhkan hati
Kita juga mewarisi darah mereka
Darah yang mulia itu, janganlah kita kotori

Untuk percaya pada hari itu
Kita harus melihat lebih daripada keterbatasan mata kita

Untuk percaya pada hari itu
Kita harus percaya pada Allah
KitabNya
MalaikatNya
dan RasulNya

Kerana jika kita boleh begitu pasti kita akan bangun esok pagi
Kita pasti mampu percaya pada hari itu

"And yes, haven't we promised to go to Jannah together?"

Writings

I have found that Hlovate and Inche Gabbana have been those two writers that have inspired me, more than anyone, to write and believe in change.

And they are - despite being anonymous to a certain degree - have given a significant impact on my teen memories.

And so I have decided, to continue writing, with hopes that one day I can be as wonderful as they are, in DnT and also in inspiring people with my writing.

Biiznillah.

For the Days I Would Need This

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

I can never begin without those miraculous words.
*smiles*

Well, they say write for days that you would need these words. And after so long of having words stuck in my head, never having the guts to pen them down, I am finally writing back again. Women, I might say, write more of their experiences and how they emotionally feel over a situation or a life experience. And to me, writing of such objective, heavy and substantial matter does not allow me to have a smooth flow of thoughts as I have to severally go through articles and mountain-loads of information in order to generate a solid opinion on a subject matter.

Thus, to keep the ball rolling, and also my fingers typing (insanely), I shall choose to speak for my own need before trailing of somewhere that I have no ability - nor fondness, to write about.

I'm in my third year now of being a medical student, and so far life has been a thrilling experience altogether. Many things happened during the hiatus and gaps of my blog posts that I simply cannot speak of nonchalantly. However, it does not correspond to the amount of happiness, excitement and enlightenment that I have endured which probably, a normal person in this era would definitely spawn countless FB status, Insta posts and tweets describing such events. The times shared are priceless, and all I can say is that

I am blessed. Inside, out. Heart and body. Mind and soul.

Despite all the positive energy I radiate in the words mentioned above, I no doubt have also face a number of depressing events which in relation to all the beautiful things I've been through, is just a pinch of salt as a comparison. I'm not always like this. But tonight alhamdulillah, with Ali Sastra's song Doaku in the background, I am compelled to write on this piece of canvas - a note for myself. Something that I can read over, and over again when I feel doubtful, scared and lost. Something that could probably come second or third after getting consoled by the Quran.

Here's a picture of a cat so that I can laugh at my own randomness one day.

Dear Sabreena,

This note is for you. And everything else in it, I believe, will benefit you and many more people.

*smiles*

It has been proven that, one of the many therapies done to make people feel more happy of their lives is to start counting their blessings. And we will not go with the term 'too much blessings, can't count them' kind-of-attitude. Instead, let us list down those that are relevant to you.

Things you should be grateful:-

1. For knowing that Allah exists, and believing in it

2. For Islam and iman

3. For your parents

4. For your limbs and cognition; the ability to move and the ability to articulate

5. For being able to study something that you like

6. For being able to continue your education itself

7. For tarbiyyah :')

8. For having a murabbi, usrahmates, and the understanding to do dakwah

9. For your friends

10. For being able to understand, comprehend, and make sense of the many things you come across in life

11. For having shelter, enough food, water and sanitation

12. For being excepted in society and not being violently excluded

13. For clear vision and having the ability to appreciate colours

14. For wanting to live under the shade of Quran rather than a life of following my own whim

And so much more!

This list is just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine all the cells working in your body working hard to keep you alive. The probability of them going bonkers is so high yet Allah chose to not spread any malignancy inside you and allows you to live a healthy is in itself a huge blessing.

Apatah lagi apabila menyebut tentang tarbiyah dan segala yang dipelajari melaluinya. It's no longer a majlis ilmu that you attend to fill your head with new knowledge. It's a place that nurtures your heart and thoughts, shaping it to view the world beyond what is seen by the naked eye. Beyond time, beyond space, beyond the limits a normal person views it. It's not just about knowing that Jannah and Jahannam exist. It's not just about knowing that the Day of Judgement is sure to come. It's believing that it will happen, being afraid of the day itself instills a fear to move forward - and that is such a rewarding feeling. When the whole world is battling against each other over policies to make in dealing with alcohol consumption and world famine, homicides and suicides, you know a remedy that can cure all the world problems. You're working to cure the root of the problem - iman - within yourself and others as well.

You are blessed
Because of all the prayers people make for you
Those who are anonymous to you

And especially, from those who love you endlessly

So dear Sabreena,

And everybody else reading this.

Remember that you are loved, and you are cared for. Not simply by those you can see by your naked eye. But by a being far more superior. And He never stops loving.

And for that, all praises be to Him - Alhamdulillah.

Ranks

Embracing Islam

You are called a Muslim

But not all Muslims are Mu'mins

And not all Mu'mins can become Muhsins

Before Allah ranks us,

how do we rank ourselves really?

And we keep on saying

till Jannah

.

.

till Jannah

.

.

till Jannah

Are we actually working for it

or are we merely repeating words like a chant?

Long hours

Studying till late at night
Reading books, not only medical books but all sorts of other articles

Sleeping on the bus
Sometimes late at night, sometimes really early in the morning

Thinking about ideas
While cooking, while walking to the university

Zikr
Always, always, always

These are long hours spent in the name of Allah
Long hours that I wish I can be able to say that I did the best for Him

*smiles*

Prahara menjadi Anugerah

Seringkali apabila kita jatuh dalam kecundang maksiat
Kita fikir bahawa kita sudah capai satu tahap yang sangat rendah
Maka kita seolah mahu lari menyembunyikan diri
Ujian yang dihadapi terlalu pedih dan berat
Kita putus asa
Kita menangis
Kita lumpuh, tidak mampu bangun

Namun begitu
Kenapa kita seolah lupa bahawa Allah itu Maha Penerima Taubat?
Kenapa kita seolah mengingkari hakikat Dia Maha Penyayang?

We assume He hates us
We assume that we'll be sent to Jahannam at that moment
But think about it

After every mistake and downfall
We're never cut off from the oxygen we breathe
Our respiratory muscles never cease to work
Nor did our heart stop beating
The house ceiling didn't crumble on us
Nor did we die the minute we were committing those sins

Keinginan dan kesudahan kita melakukan maksiat itu adalah suatu ujian
Yang harus kita putarkan menjadi suatu anugerah
Anugerah utk kembali kepada Dia
Sebagai indikator bahawa kita harus semakin teguh memasang benteng iman
Sebagai peringatan bahawa kita lemah dan hanya kepada Dia kita harus berlindung kepada

Ayuh kawan-kawan
Mari kita ubah prahara itu menjadi anugerah

Allahu musta'an

:)

Merindui roadtrip ke Southampton bersama Kak A dan Ukht I. Uhuk

Hidup semula

Sungguh perkumpulan bersama mereka lewat hari semalam benar-benar merupakan nikmat yang besar. Memasuki ruang-ruang yang tersergam indah di masjid ini membuatkan hati yang longlai dan lemah kembali bernafas semula.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

Despite the traffic
Despite the time constraints
Despite the strained eyes and muscle aches

Alhamdulillah ala kulli nikmah

:)

Tada Hitotsu Dake Aru

Bismillah.

In this life, we are left to make choices. These choices can either be those that are easy to make, whereas others could take a lifetime to make. And for what should these choices be made range from the simplest ordeal on what to wear for class till what should be done with the remaining time we have living this life.

How people deal with these choices also differ from one person to another, because as unique as we are created as individuals, the way we view certain situations also varies. These differences; in making choices, in the way we look at situations and grade their difficulty, however, all has a ground rule that can be laid upon.

This also differs for a lot of people. But based on the observations I've made for the past 22 years living this life (yes, I turned 22 on June 16th if I may say. Uhu) is that you will follow either:-

1. Your own judgments, experience, emotions, rationality, etc. Basically, you will decide based on personal thoughts.
2. External factors ranging from an input from other people to the circumstances that you are currently living in - funds, social stigma, culture, etc.

Now, all of these thought processes are not wrong and in fact, many of us fail to realize how much of a big impact these notions bring about in our daily life. In fact, these factors that I would like to call 'earthly' connections bind us ever so tightly to this world that it governs our thoughts and further controls our behavior. I might not be a graduate of Human Psychology but I know this much that the power of the mind is unbelievable and how by belief, a person can be dealt to the extremes yet still be able to persevere or deter altogether.

Belief = Iman

Thus, knowing so much, especially to those whom have studied the Deen (a little bit or so like me), where do we lie our beliefs in in making the choices we inevitably have to make?

Is it based on what Allah and Rasul had taught us?

Is it based on what came from a higher source of being or just our own ignorant, earthly self?

Think about it, if we look at the world similarly to how Donald Trump and Bashar Al-Asad looks at things then we are merely cowards as they are too - afraid of humans, afraid of being trampled upon. Fear, greed and power governs us and we will only battle their ideals out of of fear that we would be harassed and removed from our homes. If we look at the world similarly to how business-people, politicians and so-called modern idealists look at the world, then we would just be progressing based on a communist industry that feeds upon economical growth only without any thoughts upon social dependency and livelihood. Nevertheless, if we merely look at the world as social activists and environmental-peace-lovers, we will be unable to properly subdue the nation and bring it to prosperity in the long run.

So really, how should we look at the world?
How should we make our choices to do with our lives?
How and why should we even care?

"...It is only those who have knowledge among His slaves that fear Allah.."
(Surah Fatir, 35:28)

"..'Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority'..."
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:30)

Only with knowledge will we know who we are,
Where are we going,
What we should do,
Why are we doing this.

Because all these questions linger among us, we can't lie. Be it a Muslim or an Agnostic, we need to deal with these questions instead of running away from it. So learn, and read. Find the Deen, the way of life and a life worth living.

Because there is no use fighting a war that we are sure to lose, and there is no use staying still while everybody else fights. And surely, what a waste it is if we fail to realize that we are fighting a war all this while.

And for me, as this Ramadhan ends there is only one thing that I wish to remain doing for the rest of my life.

Being His 'abid and upholding my duties as a 'khalif.

*smiles*

Pulang

12.02 am
9 April 2016
Galway, Ireland

Lama, berdebu, berkarat, usang.
Kalau blog ini berbentuk fizikal dan boleh dipegang, aku fikir ia sudah penuh dengan sawang dan habuk kerana tiada di kemas-kini dengan apa-apa penulisan baharu. (Ayat yang aku seringkali kitar semula dan boleh dilihat dalam kebanyakan post di blog ini. Uhu)

Nak dikatakan sibuk, masih banyak lagi masa aku tidur nyenyak sampai sakit-sakit tengkuk aku tergeliat. Nak dikatakan tiada idea, hampir setiap hari berlegar sesuatu di kepala aku yang merayu-rayu minta ditulis. Fikir aku, cukup sudah sekadar menulis di FB. Sangkaanku rosak sama sekali kerana rupanya terlalu banyak dugaan dalam hendak berkarya di FB - antaranya, butang 'Like' yang tertera sebesar alam, kini bertambah pula dengan ekspresi yang boleh dipilih selain jari 'thumbs up' biru. Ini menyebabkan mata aku secara tidak langsung terkejar-kejar mahu melihat notifications berapa ramai orang sudah 'Like' atau 'Share' status marhaen aku. Riak. Ujub. Terbakar semua amal.

*nangis*

However, blogging holds a very dear place in my heart - which initially I was afraid to venture back in. Clearly it was not because of my busy schedule, lack of time or ideas, but maybe it was because I was scared to come back to this canvas. It had so much promises made in it that I have broken countless times, making me feel as though I have let myself and other people down. My previous self whom with full determination made such a strong stand on a broad range of things. My previous self who was so positive that things will be better. The me I miss so much now.

It's already the 2nd of Rejab and alhamdulillah, Allah gave me the courage to look back at the pieces I have written, the stories I have shared, and the sincerity I place in my writings before. It brings about fragments of treasured memories - especially those that I penned down during my stay with arwah maktok. This, despite being a very daunting ordeal to face, has actually proven to be a part of the remedy to my disturbed state of mind lately.

Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb, I think I'm coming back on my feet inshaAllah.

To not procrastinate any further, I shall now be off to finish reading up another two papers by Rita Charon on my Narrative Medicine assignment due next Monday. I'm glad I came back to see you again my dear canvas, and thank you for receiving me with open arms.

*smiles, teary-eyed*

To more therapeutic posts meant for my own remembrance before anyone else.
InshaAllah.

Relationship Goals

These are trying times.
And even after rolling in the same puddle multiple times, my best motivation did come from the Quran.

ادخلوا الجنة انتم وازواجكم تحبرون
"Masuklah ke dalam surga, kamu dan pasanganmu akan digembirakan."
(Az-Zukhruf,43:70)

*tears*

How can I be so deluded with this world?