Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
In The Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.
So well, I know it’s already the end of the week and for
this post to come ever so at the end of the week can give two indications of
why it was written so late:
1. I am too lazy to write
2.
I am having writer’s block
3.
I am far too busy juggling many other things
happening until I can’t find a proper time to write
4.
I am waiting for the week to summarize itself
before I start to put anything in black and white
Now, the first two would be the most common reason I would
give followed by the third one which more or less becomes a preferable answer I
would give to allow myself to be forgiven. Though it’s not about these reasons
that I would like to discuss in my writing this time around – as you can see
from the title, it’s about patience and I am more than keen to write about how
Allah is The Most Patience.
Thus, my story begins.
Disclaimer: This will be quite a long post, though I am not
sure if I can do enough justice to you in explaining this asma’ of Allah
properly because as said before in the promo post that most of my writings will
be just my mere experience of how I feel that asma’ applies to my situation.
Alhamdulillah
First and foremost I’d like to express my gratitude for this
life; a life that is not perfect, but nevertheless is far more sufficient than
I have ever imagined it to be.
This week has been a
challenge (like every other week, every other day, every other hour) and the
challenge that Allah designated for me is of patience. The test of patience
that Allah gave me this time around, encircles about so many aspects it gave me
an even deeper insight on the meaning of patience and how in it should I apply
it to daily life.
As-Sobru.
A name so common, a concept so repeatedly mentioned in the
Quran it is almost one of the main characteristic of what a Mu’min should be.
And yet, many of us still fail to grasp the gist of what this really means
including yours truly - although I am gifted with the name bearing the meaning ‘Patience’.
“By time.
Indeed, mankind is
in loss.
Except for those
who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and
advised each other to patience.”
(Surah Al-Asr,103:
1-3)
Living through the first few days of this week had
thought me how much my anger have actually resided within me that when it does
re-surface about recently, I have nearly a minimum control of it. And thinking
that I have got it covered, thinking that I am used to the fact that these people
around me do behave like this, I have actually miscalculated the proportion of
the anger that I can withstand inside. This had crucially caused one of my
closest ukht to bear the consequences of my unbearable rage. I will not say
that it is of an extreme degree, but it did cause some feelings to be hurt by
the actions I made.
Another side of which I was tested was of my previous
jahiliyah in which I have made a daring promise to myself and Allah during the
beginning of winter break; that of which I have yet to fully hold on to. Thus,
as a follow-up, I decided to take up further measures in safeguarding that
promise and to safeguard my imaan. This, at first was very challenging, because
the initial pull to continue committing that jahiliyah is heightened due to
reasons I feel would not give any extra input if stated here.
I knew and fully understood
that whatever I might desire now, inshaAllah will be gifted in the near future
if I had patience.
Though despite knowing, I can’t really help myself from
being slightly distraught of my decision.
The next day, Allah granted us living in Galway, snow.
*smiles*
Something so unexpected to happen in Ireland, happened.
It wasn’t only in Galway, other places like Letterkenny, Cork and Dublin also
experienced the same event and my roommate was more than rejoiced with this
occurring because she had yearned for snow to rain down on Galway for the past
whole month. I was happy for her and in this happiness, I was ashamed of
myself. I was ashamed that I couldn’t even bear a short period of waiting when
I myself claim that life upon this world is just 1.5 hours only. The snow
breeze came to remind me that all I need to have is patience, because if Allah
wills, it truly will happen in His accordance.
“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed,
it is difficult except for the humbly submissive (to Allah)”
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:45)
Soon after, Allah tested me again about my stand in Dakwah
and Tarbiyyah. Because this road and path is a long one, filled with many
thorns, threading uncharted regions and paving a pathway against the current
trend of syaitan’s footsteps, it definitely does not sound like an appealing
journey to take. Plus, you’re having to take it with balancing all the
anatomical region of the skull, mean arteriole pressure, cardiac output, OSCE,
nutrient metabolism and everything else that comes into the picture of being a
medic student. It really is no easy task, let alone is it bearable by a normal
conscious mind that lives for the sake of this world.
‘Will I have patience to go through all that comes my
way?’
“O mankind, indeed the promise of Allah is truth, so let
not the worldly life delude you and be not deceived about Allah by the
Deceiver.”
(Surah Fatir, 35:5)
Allah answered me again through the findings I found this
weekend while browsing through a book.
He answered me about having patience with the people
around me as they all deserve to be treated with the proper akhlaq of a Muslim.
He answered and helped me go through the enduring pain of
my feeble jahiliyah but cutting the ties to what attracts me to it.
He answered me about having patience on this long path
finding meaning to Dakwah and Tarbiyyah by just being earnest and focus more on
my relationship with Him, which then will help me to display it by my actions.
And it is in His nature to yet test me again.
It’s surprising to me how Allah can be so patient with me
despite all the questions I ask Him in my wake, in my sleep, in my prayers, in
my sujood. I find it impossible to be patient towards others when He has never
stopped teaching me in my every step, always answering my prayers in a subtle
way by giving His most powerful signs, Nature.
He has been patient to still guide me no matter how many
times I fall into the same pit, always picking me back up and showing me the
same path again though sometimes with a new method to combat my problem. Allah
has always been so patient. All I needed to do was to really delve into my
prayers and ask Him earnestly because this world is full of confusion even
Rasulullah seeks for Allah’s guidance, what more the sahabahs, what more my own
self.
A sister once asked the question about ‘al-Haq’; The
Truth. We were speechless at that time because honestly, we had little to zero
knowledge of it. We didn’t learn about the message inside the Quran by truly deciphering
the Arabic language nor do we go to classes by Muslim scholars to claim that we
know of what the True message by Rasulullah is. In fact, all we have to prove
that this road of being a practicing Muslim is our five senses and the urge to
learn more about Islam. By the small efforts we take to learn about Quran and
Hadith, Seerah and Fiqh Dakwah, we are trying to find that answer. Sometimes,
it’s not all about the destination that we’re heading for, it’s also about the
journey we’re taking and I’m most definitely sure that to endure that, it takes
a great amount of patience. And who can grant that ability of being patient
other than The Most Patience?
*smiles*
“And be patient, and your patience is not but through
Allah..”
(Surah An-Nahl, 16:127)
