Past Affairs

It has been 6 years since I last smelled the air in Terengganu, buried my feet inside the sand and set foot at my previous alma mater; MRSM Kuala Terengganu. Permusafiran kini akan berakhir dengan hanya aku mengimbau kembali sejarah lama yang aku sendiri tidak pasti mampu atau tidak untuk menggerakkan aku kembali. Setiap ceruk di maktab lama itu tersimpan seribu satu memori zaman hingusan aku bersama Syasya, Mcha, As, Ain, Pieyah dan Aina.

To be honest, I think I have changed so much from the me before and it's enough for me to know what it is that I have become compared to who I was in my yesteryears. August itself is a very hectic month, having to juggle both emotionally and critically with the many events scheduled I am not sure if I am ready to go back yet. The thought is daunting everytime I have to think about it, though I am not panicking over anything petty. Just the normal anxiousness that it's less than a month till I arrive back in Dublin to resume my duties as a medical student. To talk about tarbiyyah is another thing altogether when it comes to what I am going through and to think that I've got it all covered is a mistake I made too soon during this summer holiday.

Some questions are answered, some are left hanging. New questions emerge and past confusions are kept neatly for another day till it can finally be solved. I am not whining, I am not even making a point for others to pity me. But how I wish I knew how to stop being childish and stand firm on my two feet without having to lose the many happiness I have  around me.

Tuhan, adakah sebenarnya istidraj segala kebaikan yang kau beri ini? Adakah sebenarnya aku sebagai hambaMu ini telah terlalu jauh sehinggakan masa lampauku datang menghantuiku kembali? 

All in all, I know these are mere delusions trying to pull my leg down and my heart apart from becoming firmer in this chosen path. I pray Allah grant us ease and strength in all the goodness that we try to spread in order for Islam to finally regain its rightful name and glory.

Ameen.