In the name of Allah, The Most Gracios, Most Merciful
12.51am
11 Muharram 1439 H
Galway
"Sabr, cuba bacakan ni kuat-kuat."
It all began with a long stare at the dining table, a 10 seconds daze during qadhaya and this small photo to give me a hint that she's struggling deep inside. I look at her from the red laptop I was using to type all the details of our qadhaya. She appeared calm as always, but there was a difference in her face as the time went pass 12.30pm and soon we finally finished everything by 1.30pm. She rushed to eat her lunch and we said our goodbyes.
This is the story of a sister that I just knew one month ago, yet has been the lifeboat that I needed to guide me in building my beloved mutarabbis. It was funny how we could all just talk about our tarbiyyah and our background stories so quickly, so honestly with such transparency. A month sure ended fast but it's as though I've known this ukht for more than the 30 days that I have been with her in Ireland.
This is also the story of her BM - the sacrifices she made, the sacrifices her zauj made, the love they have for the ummah and the faith they had in Allah.
Humans are attached to so many things, and Allah endorsed this in the Quran.
Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.
(Surah al-Imran, 3:14)
This just shows how much we are attached to people, material, pride and prestige. If we defy this tendency of ours, then we're really actually defying ourselves and our nature. But look at the end of the ayah when Allah stated that all these attributes that are beautified for us, that we cling on, are actually just of the worldy life, and that to Him is the best return.
Allah's acknowledgement of our character just shows how much He knows us. With His vast knowledge, He redirects us to an even better reward - Him. Allah nak cerita kat kita, bahawa meskipun segala yang kita kerjakan di dunia, segala yang kita usahakan dan kejar di bumiNya, pengakhiran yang paling baik itu adalah dengan Dia dan bukanlah terletak di dunia.
This particular sister just graduated about 5 months ago, probably got married for only about 3-4 months but her vision for her BM transcended that of what the earth can offer her and her preparations to step-up to the 'game' was not merely out of 'liking' the man she calls her husband now. As I look at her zeal and follow her wisdom, she clearly knows why she's committing to DnT. She's not one of those akhwat that just uses the term ber-BM to make her marriage sound 'usrah-like'. She might be small and petite but her courage and willingness to work with us even though she barely knows anything about us and our adik-adik initially, shames me to the core.
'Kakak ni betul-betul nak buat tujuan hidup dia. Betul-betul cinta dan sayangkan dakwah, betul-betul ikhlas nak menginfaqkan diri.'
She just got married yet she chooses to be with us straining our brains thinking about the best way to sampaikan fikrah and bentuk our little sisters to be the best muslims they can be. She leaves her husband at home (dengan izin beliau) to come for usrah in Lucan, to come all the way to Galway, to listen to all my rants and concerns and to love our adik-adik like her own mutarabbis. She does her duties at home, cooks for her husband, pleases him and dresses up for him, but when she needs to be with us, she delivers her 100% focus and time to attend to the call for jihad.
This kakak, she's just amazing wallahi.
I look at her and I'm ashamed.
Then I remember my murabbi and her zauj.
Double whammy malu tak tahu nak cakap apa dah.
I know she's struggling, both of them are. Segala apa yang telah mereka outline-kan before nikah kini telah datang sebagai ujian buat mereka berdua. It's hard I know, I can see it, I can feel it and to an extent, I can even understand it. Tetapi kerana kejelasan pada matlamat, they are still persevering through. This causes me to reflect on another couple - my murabbi and her zauj. Her story is more of a roller-coaster than the sister I am actively mentioning here. Being married for 8 years already, my murabbi and her zauj has gone through so much I can't even put it into words the amount of lessons I learned from them. And it's not even anything verbal - it's what I observe and what I see from them. Apatah lagi yang dah bertahun-tahun dalam dakwah. T_T
Weyh, BM yg sebenar ni sangat menduga dan penuh dengan cabaran.
But you know what, despite knowing that we'll have to sacrifice ourselves utk dakwah, I believe that this way of marriage really is a sakinah. Sebab kita mendapat sakinah itu daripada Allah atas usaha kita utk terus memilih Dia daripada memilih pasangan kita dan kesenangan hidup. My murabbi and her zauj might not have random holiday trips, they come home late from work, sometimes time together is taken by minding over little Ukashah but you know what, when we found a small birthday card that my murabbi's zauj wrote for her with the words 143, the weight of those words and its immense meaning just resonates within my heart.
It's warm, it's genuine, and it's real.
I know not everybody can do this. Only the people that Allah chooses can truly lift up to the standards of following the teachings of Rasulullah in their marriage. But everyone can try to illustrate Rasulullah's teaching, everyone can work to make themselves be the chosen ones. It's not a piece of cake, and looking at that sister and her zauj just hits me to the core that it's not going to be any easy.
Tapi dalam kesusahan dan dugaan ini ada rahmah, dalam peritnya berkorban ada manis di dalamnya. Imagine coming home to a husband/wife that's trying her best to secure you a place in Jannah. She is using the freedom you give her utk sampaikan dakwah Islam, and he is using his time and energy to bring you to everlasting happiness. At the same time, dua-dua berbakti sbg salah satu komponen masyarakat yg penting dalam profession masing-masing. Coming back probably would just be two tired faces, but the stories and sacrifices shared is just so precious.
Sweet weyh.
Lagi sweet daripada balik to a bed of roses.
Kerja sama-sama nak bangunkan Islam.
Pergh, memang sangat sweet.
True, that there are days when you're not always going to think it's a happy occassion utk menginfaq diri dan pasangan. Some days you'd just be so clingy, or so sentimental and emotional. Bukan petik jari je nak berbahagia dalam beramal dakwi ni. Apatah lagi when the little ones come. T.T
Tapi bersama setiap kesusahan ada kemudahan.
And it's useful to have a partner that reminds you of that, rather than someone that just treats you to fancy dinners hoping it'll cure your sad soul.
Orang yang commitment dia adalah Allah, maka dia akan bahagiakan kita mengikut kerangka yang Allah suruh. Bila kita sama-sama buat macam tu, takkanlah Allah taknak dalamkan lagi perasaan cinta antara kita dan pasangan kita?
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