Phosphenes: Prologue

APG's recent blogpost read, IKIM on her earphones; some random poem being recited with the background sound of lapping water and melodious piano, it was already 1 am in the morning. 2 weeks. 2 weeks since touchdown, 2 weeks since she's been breathing fresh air, 2 weeks since homecoming with so much in mind - besides being confined to a 4 wall compartment with a sliding door as the only way to move out of the claustrophobic room dismissing the windows to prevent any suicidal attempt of freedom.

It has been 14 days since her arrival back home from the land of Shamrock and pot o' golds at the end of the rainbow. On the hospital bed, she wriggled her legs and arm. 'Istikharah Cinta' by Sigma was being played that night. Not her favourite song really - the whole lovy dovy part of nasyid songs never was the best part of why she had changed to this pallete of tunes but it was better than some vulgar, sex-craving, typical mainstream songs on the global music charts. 

"If good dudes only want pure as white , innocent and angelic girls then I bet I'll never find myself good husband would I?"

She sighed, glancing at her drip on the right side still intact on her skin giving way for NaCl to flow inside her veins to maintain her blood pressure. It was a 'great' way to begin her summer holidays; being stuck inside a cubicle with three other girls, a BP monitor strapped on her left arm and ECG electrodes on her chest still yet to be removed. The worst part of the 'great' vacation package away from home is that she could not get her eyes to close at all when it's already late at night.

'Haish, tidurlah cepat badan oi. Kang tak larat bangun qiam. Nak kena panggil nurse lagi tolong bawak pergi tandas ambil wudhu'. Hmmmm.'

Ustaz Pahrol Juoi is continuing his lecture explaining how wealth, fame, power and women are all of the worldly Dunya and how that brings us to the many crimes that are occuring worldwide. He then adds up that as Muslims, we should shift our mind to focus on to the love of Akhirah and not the love of Dunya. Quoting Dr Yusof Qardawi, 'Mencintai syurga bukan maksud meminggirkan Dunia tetapi menggunakannya untuk mencapai akhirat itu.'

Flashes of the past came back to her mind as she started to remember who and what she was back then.

'A rebel. Selfish snob. Kedekut. No goody-goody-two-shoes. No tudung labuh macam ustazah pilihan.'

She then slowly reached towards her hijab, slightly pulling a small portion of the cloth upward so that she could have a look at it. A view of her long grey lycra, instant hijab that covered her head and chest came into sight and suddenly a small smile curved against her light brown skin. Although it was bedtime, because they had male attendants running around doing their duties in the ward, she still had to cover up properly. No kind of 'darurat' when you can still maintain your sanity and having functioning limbs.

'Lain, beza. Aku dulu, aku sekarang. That was me, this is I. Bunyi macam ayat Dania Dashrin sudehh. Haha."

As the night continue to slowly move at its pace following the fitrah Allah set it to be, Insyirah closed her eyes and positioned herself properly on bed, ensuring that her drips were out of way so that no bodily fluid would spill on her mattress when she doze off to sleep that night. Tomorrow is her day of discharge and although she'll be having blood transfusions daily for the next five days in the hospital, at least home wouldn't be as dreary as her cubicle now.

'Dunia itu sebagai alat. Akhirat itu sebagai matlamat' Ustaz Pahrol's voice was heard near her last brink of consciousness before she was taken away to deep slumber.