Project: Discovering Allah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

It is a challenging week indeed I am facing now (and it's only Tuesday, believe me this week will drain me) filled with a huge amount of distraught and confusion, worries and hopes all piled up at the start of the week. Yesterday witnessed one of my vulnerable moments as I tried to find reason behind all the actions I am taking now to begin with 2015. Honestly speaking, it's easier to decide that you want to do everything for Allah, but like in Surah Al-Ankabut, verse 2;

"Do humans think that they will be left alone on saying, 'We believe', and that they will not be tested?"

So it's not enough to just say it, it's not enough to just believe in it because every inch of that belief will be tested one after another in order for Allah to test that belief - either it's firm or not.

"That which is on earth we have made but as a glittering show for the earth, in order that We may test them - as to which of them are the best in conduct."

(Al-Kahfi, 19:7)

But you know, Allah really doesn't need to assure Himself of our stand because He already knows of it. Of all the people in Ireland and Malaysia, of all the living beings in the world, of all the particles in the galaxy and universe, the Most Powerful entity, our Creator, mashaAllah, believes in us. And He's so Powerful, we're so puny, yet He believes in us, believes in our meagre capacity.

"On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear."

(Al-Baqarah, 2:286)

Therefore, if we are facing a dire problem that we think we cannot settle, that is wrong. Very wrong.

Because, didn't Allah mentioned that no soul will be tested more than it can bear?

Our Creator believed in us, surely we should have that faith in ourselves that things will go well in the end no matter what the outcome is.

So what is the function of these tests? To me, I believe that they are more for us than they are for anyone else. These trials and tests we label as 'troubles' and 'problems' are actually tailored and customed made for us. To make us become better than we were before. If we never faced a difficult maths equation to solve in our monthly test, we will never know how to deal with that equation in the final semester exam. If we have never loss one of our favorite keepsake, we will never know how to overcome the loss of it when the time comes.

Tests are given to make you stronger. Not weaker.

And these tests are only given in Dunya.

Like Dunya, tests are temporary.

Being in the education system for more than 13 years, I know I've been to numerous tests and exams, minor and major ones. I know you have been to those too. Like the tests and exams we sit for in the exam hall, the test that Allah gives in our daily life also has a time frame. Exams usually ends after 1-2 hours, maybe up to 4 hours, but they end. Our problems are a test, and they too will end.

Allah gave me the most wonderful example today subhanallah.

I was out to get some groceries earlier today (bear in mind that I faced a terrible night of confusion the day before) and so I walked to the butcher as they forgot to deliver the minced meat we ordered yesterday. I actually went out yesterday already, so it actually did take up the time that I wanted to spend writing. Upon arriving, I explained the situation, took the package, smiled and left the store but as soon as opened the door, I was mesmerized beyond my expectation.

Credits

Yes, a rainbow.

As simple as it might sound, the view was breathtaking. The angle that Allah let me view this beauty was indescribable, I couldn't even take a picture with my phone. I did try though and failed miserably. Upon my final attempt, suddenly half of the rainbow was gone. And it strucked me,

"Allah gave me happiness in just a glimpse of time and that happiness soon disappeared. Even happiness is temporary, sadness is also temporary too."

Dunya IS temporary therefore everything in Dunya will be temporary too.

My happiness, my sadness, the money in my pocket, the time I'm in Ireland, the challenges I face.

All of them are temporary. They will come and they will go.

And that's the nature of Dunya.

Subhanallah. A blessing in disguise.

"Verily, with every difficulty there is ease."

(Al-Sharh, 94:6)

So you know, it's really unfair to say that life is unfair. Because we really never know what lies behind the events happening around us now. Some people could only realise the benefit after 10 years of having loss the opportunity to continue their studies abroad, some people never realise that they are actually lucky despite not having a boyfriend yet (we only do nikah here 'cause we're cool liddat disliking haram relationships). You think you know what's best but you don't really, Allah does. He's The All Knowing, Al-'Alim.

And Al-'Alim is one of Allah's 99 Beautiful Names.

Alhamdulillah, I am pleased to announce that I will be doing a collaborative project between two other bloggers; Farah Diana and nars together with my close friend Ilyani Rahim. We'll be doing a write-up weekly on one of Allah's 99 Names each and have the links posted at the end of each posts so that readers can easily click on the link and continue on the next blog to read (Ilyani will be using her Facebook mind you). We would really appreciate any extra comments or share on the blogposts/status so that many more people can also embrace the meaning behind these names and further develop a stronger relationship with our Creator by knowing Him better.

*smiles*

InshaAllahuta'ala, please pray for us and this project. It is just a mediocre attempt but may it be of benefit not only to us but to the ummah as a whole.

Peace be upon you, Salamun a'laikum!

An Honest Piece

I know this blog should be nothing but personal yet it comes to me that I cannot do much rather than elucid raw feelings - those that contain no added ingredients, no edited words.

Alhamdulillah, 2014 has ended and the book of 2015 is presented in front with blank pages eager to be filled.

I must say that I am not celebrating my new year with fireworks or a new year feast, instead I am starting my first paragraph of 2015 with a tale of a never-ending battle raging inside my head. A tale of Haq and Bathil, a tale of Nafs and Syaiton, a tale of dependence and hope in Allah. This will be a near-to-clear depiction of what I am facing recently in the past week and how I believe that there are others around me also going through the same phase and I would apologize early because this post will contain an enormous amount of self-contradictory claims (because we're talking about battles between two forces here) so read under your own discretion.

"To make a decision is easy but to keep it requires more than just wits and strength."

Two weeks ago, I made a strong and determined decision to hold only onto the rope of Allah, to follow what has been written in the Quran and to leave all that will taint the process of me becoming a better person in the name of Allah. And I take this from Surah Al-Imran, verse 103 and Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 208. Alhamdulillah, once I've made that decision, Allah gave me a remarkable feeling - an astounding contentment and peace that shrouded the very steps that I take even if it was painful, even if it was dreadful.

The first week of my winter break became one that I cherish so much of. So much of friendships created, so much 'heart' felt. It was great subhanallah. Then came my second week, a week where I am tested of my words and decision. I was bombarded with not one ill thought but dozens of it. And those thoughts came continuously like bullets fired from a machine gun. They did not only come at my vulnerable moments, they even came when I was reciting the Quran, even when I was trying hard to prostrate in my sujood.

MashaAllah it was terrible.

And I'm still facing it now.

I soon remembered of how Syaiton deceived Adam AS and Hawa to disobey Allah's command in Surah Al-A'raf, 7:11-22. And these are the steps he will use to deceive all mankind as well. Some of these methods could be so explicit they occur right in front of our eyes like the temptation to stare at a 'handsome' dude passing by or could be something subtle like an intention of doing good to show off or an evil thought to commit sin. The latter is so much more dangerous to fight off because of it's intangible nature. It takes more than just looking away from the thought (like what you can do regarding the 'handsome' dude) because literally speaking, how are you able to look away from what's inside your head? It stays stuck there unless some other good thought is able to overpower the desire to do sin. This was my problem.

Surely, it is not enough to just sit down praying for Allah's help. I knew I needed to do something but I was definitely clueless on where to start. I knew the consequences of my actions, I knew what I should do to stop curb the ill thoughts from coming but there's so much confusion going inside my brain that I picture only failure and grey clouds everywhere. I don't know why things are getting so complicated in life. I thought I was facing middle-age crisis. (gelak sikit)

It was raining outside and as the nature of being a traveller (read:musafir), I took my utmost opportunity to ask for Allah's guidance because I was clearly unable to find a sound solution. Then I opened up a recording; one that has been inside my music player for more than three months and listened to it. Unintentionally, my eyes failed me and all the walls covering my ego thinking that I had it handled were torn down in the blink of an eye. I cried. The sister giving the sharing wasn't someone whom I've met before and the sharing wasn't even about La Tahzan, Innallaha ma'ana (Do not be sad, verily Allah is with us). But it hit right through, and at that moment I found light. 

Now this might sound that I've found the ultimate solution but really that was still not enough to help my struggle.

What was it that touched me?

"Kenapa kita kena check balik titik tolak kita? Belajar tak pasal bearing? Kalau dah tersasar sikit pada awalnya, lama kelamaan akan tersasar jauh kan?"

"Kenapa tajarrud tuh diletakkan paling awal dalam ciri-ciri dai'e mukmin? Kenapa bukan seni memimpin ummat?"

"Maka untuk tajarrud, penting sangat untuk ada jilsah takaffur tuh, untuk ada time untuk duduk dan beriman sejenak."

"Why do we need to recheck our starting point? Ever learned about bearing (in giving directions)? If we go astray just by a small magnitude initially, sooner or later we'll really get far off right?"

"Why is tajarrud put first on the list of  characteristics of a dai'e mukmin? Why not the art of leadership?"

"Therefore, to tajarrud, it is vital to have jilsah takaffur, to have time to sit and have iman (in this content we use the word, reflect) for awhile."

It was an enlightment. Really.

I mean, imagine that you've been stuck in a dark cave only to know that you have enough equipment to make a fire and light your way out. It's just that you're blindfolded by your own fear and that you don't feel that torchlight in your hand as you tremble in pitch black. And subhanallah, with so much dependency, you pray to Allah, helplessly asking that he shows even a glimpse of hope to help you get out of the misery. 

Which He then finally gave. A solution which was actually so obvious all along.

Now to pave the way out of the darkness, it requires more than just the knowledge of lighting that fire and using that torchlight to find all the necessary items, it needs courage and patience to step out of our comfort zone and thread the path unknown. And nobody can ever grant that courage or strength to move other than Allah himself, because everyone else is also in that blindfolded state, some groping at the wrong means to help them find the way out.

This is just a spark. Surely there are more suceeding steps that I need to take in this battle. I know you also have to take those steps. Because here in this world, we are against the current. We don't follow the flow. We are against whatever Syaiton and his troops have built. 

Because we are the building blocks of an ummah that Allah has promised great power. An ummah that upholds what is righteous and what is against sunnatullah.

Yes, this is an honest piece. A piece I write not to inspire anyone less than myself.

Lena

Mengapa
Hari ini kau bangun
Melihat dunia dengan jiwa
Kosong tanpa rasa

Mengapa
Hari ini kau jejak kaki ke luar
Tanpa niat yang benar
Semata-mata
Untuk Tuhan Yang Esa

Mengapa
Hari ini kau menginginkan perkara
Yang kau tahu hina
Menolak janji semalam
Mengagungkan bisikan syaitan

Wahai penulis
Tajdid niat itu bukan hanya boleh dibuat
Satu kali
Dua kali
Tiga kali
Tapi perlu dilakukan
Berulang kali

Berhenti berdalih
Bangunlah daripada lenamu itu
Hari esok menanti
Bersama janji Tuhan yang pasti

Breather

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

*wipes away dusts and fragments of laziness from computer screen*

*coughs, sneezes, smiles*

Alhamdulillah, it has been two months since I've last written in here but Allah still chooses me despite those long days of leaving this canvas blank. I could come out with a multitude of reasons but none would be solid enough to prove sufficient for my absence in this blog. Nevertheless, I am back and ready to further continue upholding justice to this blog inshaAllah.

Moving on,

Alhamdulillah again, (can't stop repeating my gratefulness actually) as it has been almost a week since winter break started and I am currently in a friend's house all the way in Manchester. And this has been one of the cutest thing the people here have done (besides taking our bags and bringing it all the way from the coach station back home) .....

Warm lemon tea for sickly me

Alhamdulillah for the great hospitality at day one friends. Eventhough streams of visitors have come and go from this house, there has never been a lack of love in welcoming us weary travellers into this house. Even the one who brought me this mug of tea was sick herself. You have got to now that I am terribly touched by this small gesture. *menangis* Jazakunallah khairan kathira. :)

In this post, I would like to share an ayaah (An-Nahl, 16:6) :

Credits

Disclaimer: Mind you, I don't learn the Arabic language. I'm not a pro at giving tafseer nor am I quoting anyone for it, but I'm here to share whatever tadabbur that comes from my heart that can be related to it inshaAllah.

The meaning of the ayaah goes like this:-

And indeed, for you in grazing livestock is a lesson. We give you drink from what is in their bellies - between excretion and blood - pure milk, palatable to drinkers.

One question might pop up from your minds as in, what has livestock actually have to do with providing lessons for us living human beings?

Yes, we slaughter them to provide meat for our consumption. In that we learn about rizq.

Yes, they follow Allah's ruling in which they graze over grass and not eat meat in their diet. Thus we learn about sunnatullah and obedience.

But what is it in them that Allah uses the word 'Ibrah' to describe lesson?

I can only a very grave and superficial meaning of what 'Ibrah' means, in which some of the meanings are lesson, moral, example and warning. A lesson can be like what we learn in class, something academic-like and could either give an impact or not in our lives. A lesson could also be like something we get after an eventful situation, for example, the death of a close relative or being a victim of snatch thief. The list goes on.

When we talk about moral, usually it relates to the second definition of lesson in which I've stated beforehand which more or less relates close to another meaning of 'Ibrah' which is warning. Warnings usually come from lessons learnt by one party given to another party so that the latter does not repeat the same mistake or as a precaution to be aware of any damgerous implications.

What about the meaning of 'example' derived from 'Ibrah'?

Well, when Allah implies that in these grazing livestock is a lesson, meaning that there lies an example in these beings. That they are chosen to act as an example to be followed. Examples are usually given to describe a situation or to describe a certain action in a more specific manner. Like in a statement, "Students should be wise in managing their time," the examples that would come suite would be "By scheduling a daily timetable, prioritising work by importance and adhere strictly to the schedule made."

So what is it that is so special in these 'Grazing Livestock' that Allah mentioned them specifically in this ayaah?

Let's look at the second part of the ayaah.

'We give you drink from what is in their bellies -between excretion and blood - pure milk, palatable to drinkers.'

Milk?

Okay, we drink milk and then?

Have we ever wondered how milk could actually come out from an animal in which there lies a number of metabolic systems that in it are not quite comfortable to be mentioned but I'll mention it anyway in a more delicate manner - the excretory and blood circulatory system. Is it not a wonder how something so pure could come out from something green, slimy, reddish inside the body of a cow or a sheep (Okay, I might've gone overboard with that description). But what we can take from these livestock is that these livestock, they follow the 'fitrah' or 'nature' that Allah has decided upon them. Like mentioned before, they eat from grass and not from slaughtered meat. They do not put up a devastating fight when they are slaughtered for our meals. They do not even decide to walk on two feet and has all four legs on the ground. Do they fight against the shepherd when he ushers the herd away from the grazing site back to their barn?

The answer is no. They follow and they obey what Allah has decreed upon them to be.

Look at us humans. We are created with a magnificent mind; able to create and imagine beyond boundaries, able to compute and decipher the most difficult of algorithms, able to acknowledge so much of the delicate systems in the human body. But why is it that we are so oblivious of the Creator behind all that is our eyes to see, our mind to think and our heart to ponder?

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And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind. They have hearts with which they do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, and they have ears with which they do not hear. Those are like livestock; rather, they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless.

(Al-A'raf, 7:179)

The Quran
This world
This life

Are all entities that Allah gifted us with to find Him. To love Him and to acknowledge His power. And it is not even for Him, instead it is for us. 

When was the last time that we found peace away from fulfilling expecations of people?
When was the last time we felt contented with what we have in front of our eyes?
When was the last time we found ease despite losing something we care so much for?

Despite the darkness we have in our hearts, Allah still chose us to except this Deen, this way of life that releases us from the shackles of Dunya entrapping us. This Deen puts our thoughts and mind into place, gives a difference between purpose and means, provides us with peach and content even with all we have that is less.

Thus, this ayaah tells us that if we follow what Allah has directed and guided us to be, we shall create something that is pure from our hearts to give to others, a message that is free from any ill or negative in it although it originates from us - a sinful human being.

The understanding of Islam truly is an incomparable gift. Not many are able to obtain in, what more be given the strength to spread it. So in the trials and tribulations we face everyday, let us not forget  that His love transcends whatever we can integrate in our heads. And let us always remember that as we stay inside the warmth of our houses, there are people out there shivering in the cold night. And lest us always remember that in the company of our loved ones, there are people who lost theirs to the many events Allah gives in order to strengthen His soldiers.

To my dearest readers,
If you do finally reach this part, I sincerely ask for your kind prayers for the victims of flood in Malaysia, for our brothers and sisters in Palestine, Syria, Rohingya and the whole world.

May this writing bring goodness to all it may touch inshaAllah.

#prayforpantaitimur

Because it's love

In the name of the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Alhamdulillah, it has been three days since the finish of my CA (Continuous Assessment) for Biochemistry and alhamdulillah that the coming dusk will be Awal Muharram. Galway is getting colder and currently we're all trying to adjust with the weather here which rains for 15 minutes, stops for 5 and then continues to rain. Surely is a challenge but insyaAllah bearable.

Three days ago - to be exact, it started a week ago - I had been questioning myself as to why it has been so 'dry' living. I'm not saying dry that is as though I'm having trouble with food and that I'm shrivelling into some kind of dried vegetable, but more like losing meaning to life. Questions like,

"Why am I doing this in the first place?"

"Why do I care so much about what is going to happen to other people?"

"Why must I trouble myself to decide on which to attend?"

"Why must I care about people's thoughts?"

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm rebelling towards anything nor am I saying that the community here are being pushy or trying to pressurize us. The people here are good, remarkably kind and generous but sometimes not even that is good enough of a reason to go through so much just for their cause is it? You can be nice to your friends, but everyone has a limit. One's patience is like the limiting reagent to one's action. You can be as nice as you can but in the end, you don't have the patience of Nabi Ayoub, what more the patience of Rasulullah to withstand all the tiredness.

So I asked myself this question,

"What does Allah want me to gain in the end?"

And I remembered what my murabbi gave to me during the first time I had a sleepover at her house,

Love. That was the reason all along.

It was because of love that Rasulullah did spread Islam. It was because of love that the sahabahs fought for the sake of upholding the rightful place of Islam. It was because of love that the sisters go through days and nights thinking about their mutarabbis.

And it was because of love that Allah granted me life and understanding on this path.

I soon started to look at everything in a better perspective as I acknowledge all the hardships were given because of love. Not just because of the cliche 'Allah misses you and wants to here your prayers and plea' but instead because of Allah's love, I am given the opportunity to learn a valuable gift behind the dark clouds of trials and misery.

Due to that love, it is only logic that I spread love as well. Love that Allah has bestowed to me is a love that is bestowed to the whole universe. And this is the same love that flows in the blood of the Anbiya', in the sahabahs, in the tabi'-tabi'in and in the Muslims around the whole world.

So next time I'll know why I'm going through all of this,

It's because of love. Pure love.

Eiduladha

Takbir raya bersama mereka
Di dalam ruang yg tiada batas
Di bawah langit ciptaanNya

Seakan sayu suara mereka
Berada di bumi asing
Namun kelompok kecil ini
Masih segar
Masih bersemangat
Masih gagah
Meneruskan perjuangan
Melaksanakan tanggungjawab

Aku sampaikan salam
Untuk yang jauh
Untuk yang dekat
Untuk yang sntiasa ada dalam doa

Moga dikekalkan dalam kelompok mulia ini
Sehingga nafas akhir
Di bumi Ilahi

Thinking of others

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Alhamdulillah it has been nearly a month after my arrival to Ireland. After three weeks of class, we're finally ending the fourth week of lectures, dissections and PhysioEx labs tomorrow (no classes on Friday due to the university's open day). Alhamdulillah for surviving, for climbing the Cliffs of Moher, for usrah, for the cold wind of happiness and for the love of my family; near and far, together with every small bit of blessings that I've never acknowledged before.

Anatomy is extremely splendid.

You'll start to appreciate all the smallest cells when you see how the skeletal muscles group up together to form us- humans and how they originated from the muscle fibres to the constituents of nerve fibres, axons, neurotransmitter and what not.

Physiology brings up a lot of sense especially when making logic of all the diseases that is occuring inside our human biology. Yesterdays's haematology lab is truly amazing (although we just used a simulation to undergo this) and we calculated our own hematocrit. Science is so cool, mashaAllah.

*sengih sensorang*

Biochemistry is quite tough especially when the lectures are super fast. It's like all those two week lectures in KMB compacted into an hour- even possible to half an hour. Gladly, Teacher Mira did me some justice instilling all the basics of organic chemistry and food chem in my brain. This subject is probably like Physiology only that it takes most of my energy to digest what is being told in front of the lecture hall resulting me to either fall asleep (drainage of energy) or wide awake (non-stop writing in my notebook).

And who says the medical course is boring?

*angkat-angkat kening*

**********************************

Looking up at what I have been talking about beforehand, it seems that the stories basically revolve about my personal being. This has got me thinking,

What about my friends? What about their lives?

And this is not about the friends that are far from me, this is about those who are living across my room, just a few stairs below and across the road. Friends who are near, whom I see everyday. It's sad how much I have been so focused on my own personal state, I forget that there are people around me that I need to look after as well. 

True enough, that we should focus on ourselves first before putting others in the picure. However, until when will the so-called 'personal-space' ever end if we never try to insert in the picture, the lives of everybody else? Without us realising it, selfishness will soon overwhelm us and in the end, nothing will we gain in helping others other than envy and jealousy towards those around us.

I remember quotes from Muntalaq about how a Da'ie should behave- trying the best to instill in the people correct understanding of being a Muslim, a devotee to all of what Allah dictates. I remember one of the aspects in the 10 Muwossofat Tarbiyyah that we should be useful to others. Being useful doesn't really mean to only help out with house chores and the sorts, tarbiyyah-wise, who is to cater those around you if you do not start first?

Sure it's hard

Sure it'll take your time

Sure you'll need to have patience

(People don't change overnight, I'm a proof of it)

Sure it'll consume all the feelings that you have

And you'll have to sacrifice every bit of yourself in order to get this done

However,

"Allah hath purchased of the believers their persons and their goods; for theirs (in return) is the garden (of Paradise): they fight in His cause, and slay and are slain: a promise binding on Him in trth, through the Law, the Gospel, and the Quran: and who is more faithful to his covenant than Allah? Then rejoice in the bargain which ye have concluded: that is the achievement supreme."

(At-Taubah,9:111)

It will take more than just words or a one-day attempt in thiso. It'll take weeks, months, years, blood, sweat, tears and probably that person will not even turn-out to be what we want them to be. But keep reminding yourself - I should be reminding myself too, that all of this is done for Allah. Nor for the results, not for the name, not for other people to remember our deeds. If it doesn't work out, it means that Allah is trying to teach us a far more valuable lesson of patience and preserverance. If Rasulullah gave up after the people of Taif threw rocks at him, we would never experience Islam to what it is today. If Abu Bakr and Umar gave up after Rasulullah passed away, Islam would never be spread to where it did today. 

A much closer to heart example, 

Zainab had to sacrifice her undying love for her husband as she made her hijrah to Madeena, having to leave her husband behind because he as a musyrik. It was such a sad experience but she did what she had to for Allah. Soon after, she was rejoined back with her husband, a Muslim then and they continued to live happily for only a short span of time before her husband was finally granted syaheed which after that she followed suite.

*smiles*

Truly everything that is sacrificed in the sake of Allah, remains with Him. And He will give it back, either in Dunya or in the hereafter. In a much greater and better condition. That definitely will be the greatest reward after all the pain we had to endure.

Let's have faith and keep the pace

Let's open the heart to many doors ahead

And take fragments of people along the way

InshaAllah, we will learn so much more

And obtain even more when we return back to Him

May this benefit us, Biiznillah.