In the name of Allah The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
12.24pm
26 Syawal 1439 H
Balakong
In another 44 days I will be returning to Ireland inshaAllah. In another 48 days I will be starting my final year in NUIG inshaAllah. And after all that has happened to brought me to where I am today, I seriously cannot believe it - I am entering my last year in Ireland. There is a mixture of feelings thinking about the future days to come, I can't really put my head to it yet, I don't even know what to name it. A sense of melancholy comes in waves when I think about leaving my bumi tarbiyyah, no longer being able to return to it anytime soon. The place where I had my most fond memories and also my most heartbreaking moments. The place where I grew in such an immense magnitude, the place where I started my baby steps as a medical student.
How can I ever not miss you Ireland? My chest feels tight already thinking of the notion.
Also, in another 341 days before I leave my bumi tarbiyah, what have I done for the past 4 years for this land? Was I ever able to appreciate what I had? Was I ever able to kembangkan tarbiyah sebaiknya dibumi ini? Or did I just ruin it and left it in shambles?
That to me, is a far more crucial and painstaking question to answer.
*deep breath in and out*
Just now I saw Kak Wani's Whatsapp status and her words just stabbed me straight into my core,
"Senjata kita cukup banyak, cuma kuasa keikhlasan masih lemah utk capai threshold kemenangan."
Hati ni rasa dah makin keras, sekeras-kerasnya.
Ayat Surah al-Hadid terngiang-ngiang di telinga selalu.
Jiwa ini dah rasa makin lemah, selemah-lemahnya.
And here I am telling myself that I am one of the frontliners for Ireland.
Am I actually kidding myself?
But muslims, muslims are not like this. We are the people of Alhamdulillah. We do not fret and have low self-esteem, we should not be. We have God with us at our every step. Though sometimes I am mostly ashamed of my doings, my sins and my misdeeds, I tell myself that if you can't compete with the good-doers for their deeds, the compete with the sinners with their forgiveness. This however said, is no longer a zone I should play around with anymore. I should step up my game, I should fight my evil thoughts, my personal desires and my selfish wants. I am already at a place where I should be serious with what I do, and not tremble at the meagre provocation the people around me feeds me.
I want to come back stronger Rabbi
Making this promise already frightens me, but I have to force myself to do this
Berbaki 341 hari lagi di bumi Ireland (inshaAllah), I have to make my presence worth it
Berbaki 341 hari lagi sebelum segala-galanya berubah untuk seorang Sabreena, I have to change my attitude
*deep breath in and out*
It's been 5 years since I had you dear blog, please continue to be the witness of my growth and progress aite?
No comments:
Post a Comment