Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
7.40 pm
22 Jamadil Awwal 1439H
Mayo Medical Academy
Tis nearing the end of my second week in the psychiatric rotation. And although this is the rotation that I am very fond of, I have understood the challenges it entails if I agree to embark on the journey to become a consultant psychiatrist.
Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah for the many ni'mah and the many musibah that Allah has coloured my life with. Though this has just been the month of February, I feel as though so many things has happened yet I am still at a lost in trying to expand my vocabulary or learning how to relay my ideas in a more matured manner - verbal and written.
Today's evening ward rounds were mostly of the normal patients the team has had since the past few weeks with an exception of two new patients - one admitted at the end of last week, the other being admitted yesterday. Now I'd like to talk about the patient that was admitted yesterday to the unit; a voluntary admission, a young lad. Early in his twenties, this man painted the clinical picture that was similar to a person that was previously close to me - very close to be exact. I have lost any contact with him since the beginning of this year and thus have no idea as to how he is progressing with life. Despite saying this, I really hope he is in better hands and is getting much needed support that I am unable to shower him with.
Listening to this gentleman speak, it just strucked me that they really do have such similarities sampai rasa kesian sangat as to how did jahiliyah attack us so deeply till we're wasting human potential to create a better ummah. This is not something local, this is a global phenomenon. Unfortunately, I will not list down the symptoms that the patient displayed nor will I elaborate much on the similarities that they both have.
After the interview, I went out to pray for a while and came back to find that the room was occupied with another patient and that it would be rude for me to just enter in the middle of a consultation. So I sat outside the room waiting for it to finish, and as I did so, I reflected on that interview I had previously with that 20 year-old gentleman. I thought about that friend of mine and how he might've suffered from the same problems this young man has, how it's only reasonable for him to act in the ways he did and how his words were actually really true,
"You're stronger than me."
I almost got on the phone to text my other friend to just randomly rant about this but I decided not to in the end. Too much spontaneity. Eventually I resorted to penning this down here.
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Janganlah kamu mengikuti langkah-langkah syaitan. Barangsiapa mengikuti langkah-langkah syaitan, maka sesungguhnya dia (syaitan) menyuruh mengerjakan perbuatan keji dan mungkar.."
(Surah an-Nur, 24:21)
Penyusunan ayat ni diletakkan sebelum ayat 26 yang menceritakan tentang lelaki yg baik untuk perempuan yang baik dan vice versa, juga sebelum ayat 32-33 yang menjelaskan tuntutan menikah untuk menjaga diri. Duduk, reflect, hadam.
"...Kalau bukan kerana karunia Allah dan rahmatNya kepadamu, nescaya tidak seorang pun diantara kamu bersih (dari perbuatan keji dan mungkar itu) selama-lamanya, tetapi Allah membersihkan siapa yang Dia kehendaki. Dan Allah Maha Mendengar, Maha Mengetahui."
(Surah an-Nur, 24:21)
Seriously, other than the fact that I am totally amazed by how Allah structured Surah An-Nur to be like that, I am totally bewildered by the fact that Islam ni most definitely has the answers to all the problems that are surrounding the world today. I have always wondered how people can transgress so much and shift to different sides of themselves through the circumstances that they face. And when I sit down over the many ward rounds and family meetings held in the unit, I have finally understood why these patients have they illnesses. It's simply because we don't share the same environment of upbringing and living, we don't even have the same set of personalities or coping mechanisms. Sebab tu bersama keimanan ada amal. Sebab tu bersama Hablumminallah ada Hablumminannas. We compliment each other, we help each other out. Tu bukti keimanan kita.
Life is not a structured institution. Everyone faces different sets of experiences and gain different insight on the experience they go through. It is unfair to judge on a criteria that is solely based on our personal circumstances bahkan Allah tu bukan zalim untuk hanya memberi kemenangan dan kemuliaan kepada orang yang extrovert atau mereka yang menjadi pimpinan negara je. Yes, memang orang yang benar-benar beriman tu sedikit, but Allah doesn't discriminate people based on who they are and the character traits they have. Allah gives us the Quran and the lessons within it is so general that sesiapa pun boleh baca and relate to it. It's not specific to just a group of people from the same colour or race, it's a guidance to the whole mankind.
Kenapa weyh manusia taknak guna grr. T_T (den pulak emo huhu)
Coming out of that interview, I've understood that this world is completely mad and that I can no longer just stay put and allow more of the bright youths to succumb in that darkness. When I heard that young man open up, I tried my best to put up a poker face because I was really, literally very sad at knowing that he had to go through such an ordeal since a very young age. And to not be told of their real purpose of life and end goal just pains me. Macam nak cakap je, "It's okay, you have potential. You have always been Allah's slave, let's just go back to our roots and build ourselves from there."
But yeah, easier said than done. I can't even save that one friend I had and we were very, very close.
Memang Allah yang pegang hati
Memang Allah yang beri hidayah
But untuk kita hambaNya yang bergaul dengan hamba yang lain
Takkan sekadar nak tengok and buat tak tahu je
That gentleman may be just the one case in his community, but I tell you, depression is not an uncommon thing to find. So far, I have had 3 friends that were diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and all of that occurred within these 2 years. Life is not a structured institution, not everybody gets the same treatment and live with the same regime. There's so many external factors that shape us to who we are today, and there's this one immense internal force that keeps on hogging at us to fall on our knees to its wants and whims. That's why kita belajar from Surah An-Nas and Surah Al-Falaq about the Protector that we need to run to at all times, especially when we are tested with such distress.
And yes peeps, I know I should be writing about some really incredible tadabbur from a high-level point of view since I'm already at the age where I do need to be mature in my writing and substance. But I just can't run away from highlighting the basics because that's what I think we lack most in the community we are in today. Huu.
May Allah protect us in ways we can or cannot imagine, from those we can and cannot see.
May He guide us to be better muslims and committed daies.
May He give us ultimate victory in fighting our nafs and fighting for the Deen.
Ameen.
