Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
1.45pm
30 Jamadil Awwal 1439H
Mayo Medical Academy
This academy has become my new writing spot because we don't have wifi at home so it's a pain to write and suddenly then have it not saved if suddenly the laptop crashed or the sorts (which have yet to happen on any occasion alhamdulillah). OSCEs are another 7 days to go and I still have lists of things yet to be finished, practiced and rehearsed. The weather in Mayo is horrendous mashaAllah, with the snow and the rain and the hale. We do get the odd sunshine once in a while but the cold still could send chills to one spine.
Ilyani did a physical examination on me yesterday and we came to the conclusion that I had costochondritis which was localised to my left 4th and 5th intercostal space, medial to my axilla. It's actually quite painful sometimes when I breath in and out (pleuritic pain) on certain days, but if someone were to press on it, it's pretty tender alright. Because I have so much workload to finish, I don't think I have had a decent time to properly pen down anything worthy of reading let it be a reminder, a reflection or just a tadabbur of an ayat I had read for the day. I'm planning to actually use this post as a reminder for me to have for when I return back home for summer holidays. There are a few articles that I have promised myself to write on though I have failed tremendously to put any effort at even drafting them down.
So Summer Writing Pieces would be...
1. Reflection on Maududi's speech entitled Proses Revolusi Islam
2. Personal reflection on Obs and Gynae rotation in UHG
3. Opinion on the Obs and Gynae specialty - Why some female practitioners are not inclined to be part of the practicing specialty?
These 3 are loads already to prepare and write on. I have found that maybe this blog has returned to become it's old, quite and personal self-reflection canvas. It's nice to finally come back to that warm and cosy atmosphere yet I know for sure, that semua yang kita buat atas dunia akan disoal, thus I will not waste precious space of this canvas to be filled with unneeded emotional turmoil anymore inshaAllah.
Till then, pray for us 4th meds in NUIG here! May we pass the semester well, if not brilliantly. (huhu)
Friday, February 16, 2018
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Life is Not a Structured Institution
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
7.40 pm
22 Jamadil Awwal 1439H
Mayo Medical Academy
Tis nearing the end of my second week in the psychiatric rotation. And although this is the rotation that I am very fond of, I have understood the challenges it entails if I agree to embark on the journey to become a consultant psychiatrist.
Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah for the many ni'mah and the many musibah that Allah has coloured my life with. Though this has just been the month of February, I feel as though so many things has happened yet I am still at a lost in trying to expand my vocabulary or learning how to relay my ideas in a more matured manner - verbal and written.
Today's evening ward rounds were mostly of the normal patients the team has had since the past few weeks with an exception of two new patients - one admitted at the end of last week, the other being admitted yesterday. Now I'd like to talk about the patient that was admitted yesterday to the unit; a voluntary admission, a young lad. Early in his twenties, this man painted the clinical picture that was similar to a person that was previously close to me - very close to be exact. I have lost any contact with him since the beginning of this year and thus have no idea as to how he is progressing with life. Despite saying this, I really hope he is in better hands and is getting much needed support that I am unable to shower him with.
Listening to this gentleman speak, it just strucked me that they really do have such similarities sampai rasa kesian sangat as to how did jahiliyah attack us so deeply till we're wasting human potential to create a better ummah. This is not something local, this is a global phenomenon. Unfortunately, I will not list down the symptoms that the patient displayed nor will I elaborate much on the similarities that they both have.
After the interview, I went out to pray for a while and came back to find that the room was occupied with another patient and that it would be rude for me to just enter in the middle of a consultation. So I sat outside the room waiting for it to finish, and as I did so, I reflected on that interview I had previously with that 20 year-old gentleman. I thought about that friend of mine and how he might've suffered from the same problems this young man has, how it's only reasonable for him to act in the ways he did and how his words were actually really true,
I almost got on the phone to text my other friend to just randomly rant about this but I decided not to in the end. Too much spontaneity. Eventually I resorted to penning this down here.
Penyusunan ayat ni diletakkan sebelum ayat 26 yang menceritakan tentang lelaki yg baik untuk perempuan yang baik dan vice versa, juga sebelum ayat 32-33 yang menjelaskan tuntutan menikah untuk menjaga diri. Duduk, reflect, hadam.
Seriously, other than the fact that I am totally amazed by how Allah structured Surah An-Nur to be like that, I am totally bewildered by the fact that Islam ni most definitely has the answers to all the problems that are surrounding the world today. I have always wondered how people can transgress so much and shift to different sides of themselves through the circumstances that they face. And when I sit down over the many ward rounds and family meetings held in the unit, I have finally understood why these patients have they illnesses. It's simply because we don't share the same environment of upbringing and living, we don't even have the same set of personalities or coping mechanisms. Sebab tu bersama keimanan ada amal. Sebab tu bersama Hablumminallah ada Hablumminannas. We compliment each other, we help each other out. Tu bukti keimanan kita.
Life is not a structured institution. Everyone faces different sets of experiences and gain different insight on the experience they go through. It is unfair to judge on a criteria that is solely based on our personal circumstances bahkan Allah tu bukan zalim untuk hanya memberi kemenangan dan kemuliaan kepada orang yang extrovert atau mereka yang menjadi pimpinan negara je. Yes, memang orang yang benar-benar beriman tu sedikit, but Allah doesn't discriminate people based on who they are and the character traits they have. Allah gives us the Quran and the lessons within it is so general that sesiapa pun boleh baca and relate to it. It's not specific to just a group of people from the same colour or race, it's a guidance to the whole mankind.
Kenapa weyh manusia taknak guna grr. T_T (den pulak emo huhu)
Coming out of that interview, I've understood that this world is completely mad and that I can no longer just stay put and allow more of the bright youths to succumb in that darkness. When I heard that young man open up, I tried my best to put up a poker face because I was really, literally very sad at knowing that he had to go through such an ordeal since a very young age. And to not be told of their real purpose of life and end goal just pains me. Macam nak cakap je, "It's okay, you have potential. You have always been Allah's slave, let's just go back to our roots and build ourselves from there."
But yeah, easier said than done. I can't even save that one friend I had and we were very, very close.
Memang Allah yang pegang hati
Memang Allah yang beri hidayah
But untuk kita hambaNya yang bergaul dengan hamba yang lain
Takkan sekadar nak tengok and buat tak tahu je
That gentleman may be just the one case in his community, but I tell you, depression is not an uncommon thing to find. So far, I have had 3 friends that were diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and all of that occurred within these 2 years. Life is not a structured institution, not everybody gets the same treatment and live with the same regime. There's so many external factors that shape us to who we are today, and there's this one immense internal force that keeps on hogging at us to fall on our knees to its wants and whims. That's why kita belajar from Surah An-Nas and Surah Al-Falaq about the Protector that we need to run to at all times, especially when we are tested with such distress.
And yes peeps, I know I should be writing about some really incredible tadabbur from a high-level point of view since I'm already at the age where I do need to be mature in my writing and substance. But I just can't run away from highlighting the basics because that's what I think we lack most in the community we are in today. Huu.
May Allah protect us in ways we can or cannot imagine, from those we can and cannot see.
May He guide us to be better muslims and committed daies.
May He give us ultimate victory in fighting our nafs and fighting for the Deen.
Ameen.
In the Name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
7.40 pm
22 Jamadil Awwal 1439H
Mayo Medical Academy
Tis nearing the end of my second week in the psychiatric rotation. And although this is the rotation that I am very fond of, I have understood the challenges it entails if I agree to embark on the journey to become a consultant psychiatrist.
Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah for the many ni'mah and the many musibah that Allah has coloured my life with. Though this has just been the month of February, I feel as though so many things has happened yet I am still at a lost in trying to expand my vocabulary or learning how to relay my ideas in a more matured manner - verbal and written.
Today's evening ward rounds were mostly of the normal patients the team has had since the past few weeks with an exception of two new patients - one admitted at the end of last week, the other being admitted yesterday. Now I'd like to talk about the patient that was admitted yesterday to the unit; a voluntary admission, a young lad. Early in his twenties, this man painted the clinical picture that was similar to a person that was previously close to me - very close to be exact. I have lost any contact with him since the beginning of this year and thus have no idea as to how he is progressing with life. Despite saying this, I really hope he is in better hands and is getting much needed support that I am unable to shower him with.
Listening to this gentleman speak, it just strucked me that they really do have such similarities sampai rasa kesian sangat as to how did jahiliyah attack us so deeply till we're wasting human potential to create a better ummah. This is not something local, this is a global phenomenon. Unfortunately, I will not list down the symptoms that the patient displayed nor will I elaborate much on the similarities that they both have.
After the interview, I went out to pray for a while and came back to find that the room was occupied with another patient and that it would be rude for me to just enter in the middle of a consultation. So I sat outside the room waiting for it to finish, and as I did so, I reflected on that interview I had previously with that 20 year-old gentleman. I thought about that friend of mine and how he might've suffered from the same problems this young man has, how it's only reasonable for him to act in the ways he did and how his words were actually really true,
"You're stronger than me."
I almost got on the phone to text my other friend to just randomly rant about this but I decided not to in the end. Too much spontaneity. Eventually I resorted to penning this down here.
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Janganlah kamu mengikuti langkah-langkah syaitan. Barangsiapa mengikuti langkah-langkah syaitan, maka sesungguhnya dia (syaitan) menyuruh mengerjakan perbuatan keji dan mungkar.."
(Surah an-Nur, 24:21)
Penyusunan ayat ni diletakkan sebelum ayat 26 yang menceritakan tentang lelaki yg baik untuk perempuan yang baik dan vice versa, juga sebelum ayat 32-33 yang menjelaskan tuntutan menikah untuk menjaga diri. Duduk, reflect, hadam.
"...Kalau bukan kerana karunia Allah dan rahmatNya kepadamu, nescaya tidak seorang pun diantara kamu bersih (dari perbuatan keji dan mungkar itu) selama-lamanya, tetapi Allah membersihkan siapa yang Dia kehendaki. Dan Allah Maha Mendengar, Maha Mengetahui."
(Surah an-Nur, 24:21)
Seriously, other than the fact that I am totally amazed by how Allah structured Surah An-Nur to be like that, I am totally bewildered by the fact that Islam ni most definitely has the answers to all the problems that are surrounding the world today. I have always wondered how people can transgress so much and shift to different sides of themselves through the circumstances that they face. And when I sit down over the many ward rounds and family meetings held in the unit, I have finally understood why these patients have they illnesses. It's simply because we don't share the same environment of upbringing and living, we don't even have the same set of personalities or coping mechanisms. Sebab tu bersama keimanan ada amal. Sebab tu bersama Hablumminallah ada Hablumminannas. We compliment each other, we help each other out. Tu bukti keimanan kita.
Life is not a structured institution. Everyone faces different sets of experiences and gain different insight on the experience they go through. It is unfair to judge on a criteria that is solely based on our personal circumstances bahkan Allah tu bukan zalim untuk hanya memberi kemenangan dan kemuliaan kepada orang yang extrovert atau mereka yang menjadi pimpinan negara je. Yes, memang orang yang benar-benar beriman tu sedikit, but Allah doesn't discriminate people based on who they are and the character traits they have. Allah gives us the Quran and the lessons within it is so general that sesiapa pun boleh baca and relate to it. It's not specific to just a group of people from the same colour or race, it's a guidance to the whole mankind.
Kenapa weyh manusia taknak guna grr. T_T (den pulak emo huhu)
Coming out of that interview, I've understood that this world is completely mad and that I can no longer just stay put and allow more of the bright youths to succumb in that darkness. When I heard that young man open up, I tried my best to put up a poker face because I was really, literally very sad at knowing that he had to go through such an ordeal since a very young age. And to not be told of their real purpose of life and end goal just pains me. Macam nak cakap je, "It's okay, you have potential. You have always been Allah's slave, let's just go back to our roots and build ourselves from there."
But yeah, easier said than done. I can't even save that one friend I had and we were very, very close.
Memang Allah yang pegang hati
Memang Allah yang beri hidayah
But untuk kita hambaNya yang bergaul dengan hamba yang lain
Takkan sekadar nak tengok and buat tak tahu je
That gentleman may be just the one case in his community, but I tell you, depression is not an uncommon thing to find. So far, I have had 3 friends that were diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and all of that occurred within these 2 years. Life is not a structured institution, not everybody gets the same treatment and live with the same regime. There's so many external factors that shape us to who we are today, and there's this one immense internal force that keeps on hogging at us to fall on our knees to its wants and whims. That's why kita belajar from Surah An-Nas and Surah Al-Falaq about the Protector that we need to run to at all times, especially when we are tested with such distress.
And yes peeps, I know I should be writing about some really incredible tadabbur from a high-level point of view since I'm already at the age where I do need to be mature in my writing and substance. But I just can't run away from highlighting the basics because that's what I think we lack most in the community we are in today. Huu.
May Allah protect us in ways we can or cannot imagine, from those we can and cannot see.
May He guide us to be better muslims and committed daies.
May He give us ultimate victory in fighting our nafs and fighting for the Deen.
Ameen.
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Can't Believe
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
11.54pm
27 Rabiul Akhir 1439H
Castlebar
I can't really believe that I am here again after a month of silencing this blog due to the fact that I feel that it has been filled with non-beneficial emotional rants. It's 2018 and here I am with an even enormous responsibility to shoulder. Kak Diba is leaving the country in T-15 days and after that I'll be having an array of stuff to think, plan, and execute. Many things are again happening this year and I can't believe that I'll be in my final year soon (inshaAllah) in September.
Fast, yes everything is happening fast.
And I wonder how can people ever say that time is so slow when it is in fact proceeding at the speed of light. Weekend ni ada daurah nak kena prepare, case report lagi 2 minggu nak kena hantar.
Fuh, it's tiring already thinking about it.
Well, whatever it is Allah is with me, and He will be with me all the way.
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
11.54pm
27 Rabiul Akhir 1439H
Castlebar
I can't really believe that I am here again after a month of silencing this blog due to the fact that I feel that it has been filled with non-beneficial emotional rants. It's 2018 and here I am with an even enormous responsibility to shoulder. Kak Diba is leaving the country in T-15 days and after that I'll be having an array of stuff to think, plan, and execute. Many things are again happening this year and I can't believe that I'll be in my final year soon (inshaAllah) in September.
Fast, yes everything is happening fast.
And I wonder how can people ever say that time is so slow when it is in fact proceeding at the speed of light. Weekend ni ada daurah nak kena prepare, case report lagi 2 minggu nak kena hantar.
Fuh, it's tiring already thinking about it.
Well, whatever it is Allah is with me, and He will be with me all the way.
May 2018 be a year filled with productivity, ilm and barakah.
May my writings be those that give benefit to the ummah.
May my happiness, sorrow and worries be that only for Allah and for the sake of dakwah.
May my days be filled with educating myself to be a better muslimah and da'ie
May all the people that I love be more closer to Allah in this coming year
And if I may die this year, may this blog and the people that have known me be the witness of my syahadah
Wahua ma'akum aina ma kuntum
(Rabbi, please don't ever leave me)
 |
| Putting this here untuk mengingatkan diri that I have a mission to complete >.< |
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
The Soft Clinician
I promise myself today that no matter what happened to me, I will attend my responsibilities at the hospital with a smile. Those here are already facing mountains of difficulties and heartaches. Besides the clinical aid I provide, I want to at least ease the worry and pain they have to face, even if it is breaking bad news.
And no matter what happens at the hospital I will come home with a smile to my husband and children. Hubs will know that I need help and I will know when he needs comfort. I will cry and break down when I need to but not in front of my kids. Mum will always be strong for you little ones, she will try everyday to be a good parent inshaAllah.
Most importantly, I will uphold the flag of Islam with DnT and no matter how futur I become, I will, by all means, grit my teeth and get through my problems menggunakan ni’mat yg paling besar Allah bagi as my tool to achieve success brilliantly.
I will work hard for the ummah. I will try my best everyday inshaAllah.
2:214
------------------
أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِن قَبْلِكُم ۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُ وَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ
Adakah patut kamu menyangka bahawa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum sampai kepada kamu (ujian dan cubaan) seperti yang telah berlaku kepada orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada kamu? Mereka telah ditimpa kepapaan (kemusnahan hartabenda) dan serangan penyakit, serta digoncangkan (oleh ancaman bahaya musuh), sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman yang ada bersamanya: Bilakah (datangnya) pertolongan Allah?" Ketahuilah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat (asalkan kamu bersabar dan berpegang teguh kepada ugama Allah).
Saturday, December 9, 2017
Mengikhlaskan
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
11.36pm
20 Rabiul Awwal 1439 H
Galway
This is a simple post to everyone that has loved me endlessly till today. I'm okay, I'm happy alhamdulillah. Allah has been so, so kind to me. Please don't pity me, but pray loads for me instead please?
:)
Doakan seorang Sabreena mampu menjadi doktor yang kompeten
Akhwat yang soleh lagi musleh
Hamba yang taat dan patuh
Serta manusia yang rendah diri serta tawadhu'
Jazakumullah khayran katheera
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
11.36pm
20 Rabiul Awwal 1439 H
Galway
This is a simple post to everyone that has loved me endlessly till today. I'm okay, I'm happy alhamdulillah. Allah has been so, so kind to me. Please don't pity me, but pray loads for me instead please?
:)
Doakan seorang Sabreena mampu menjadi doktor yang kompeten
Akhwat yang soleh lagi musleh
Hamba yang taat dan patuh
Serta manusia yang rendah diri serta tawadhu'
Jazakumullah khayran katheera
Aku menangkanMu Ya Allah atas urusan ini
Redhailah perjuangan hati ini
Moga kelak bakal melahirkan para syuhada’
Moga kelak bakal mewariskan dakwah suci ini
Dan moga kekal tsabat sebagai batu-bata agamaMu
#tazkiyahseorangsabr
Saturday, November 25, 2017
The One?
"It's one thing about choosing to be with a person. But it's also another thing to choose to stay with a person."
- Ami Samsuri
I'd choose Allah again and again, every single time without fail. I hope my other half will too. And with all the choices we'd have to make in the future, I hope we'll always choose each other and make things work no matter how terrible or beautiful life may be.
And yes guys, the random reflection actually came after starting Obs and Gynae. Will come up with a reflection post on this 4-week rotation before silencing myself to the books inshaAllah.
Friday, November 10, 2017
Paediatrics
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
5.41pm
20 Safar 1439H
CSI, University Hospital Galway
I've been away long enough that this place is starting to collect dust yet again. Though I must say, this year has been one of my most active year writing in this canvas. They say that when you're ridiculously in love or terribly heartbroken, you suddenly turn to become a poet. Maybe that's why Shawn Mendes made quite a statement when he 'requested' to be heartbroken by a girl in order for him to create better songs.
Putting all this irrelevant introduction out of the way, I'm currently still in CSI despite it being a Friday, despite it being dark and past maghrib, and despite my 'floppy' hijab (that I have brilliantly modified to a shawl version of the square hijab). Finishing my third week in Paediatrics has been splendid so far, although I am, actually very intimidated with the amount of knowledge expected from us by the end of the 4 weeks. Being a doctor soon feels so real now as the semester is about to end - it's already mid November peeps, June 2019 isn't that far.
Alhamdulillah today I was able to get my Ward-Based Assessment or more commonly called 'baby check' as I end my Neonatal Week. Yes, I do enjoy examining the babes but I do not enjoy it when they persistently cry as you flip them to check for ventral tone. Watching sick neonates, premies, is a very touching sight really. Can you even imagine holding a 1.3 kg baby? So, so small. So, so fragile. You're just so scared that you'll break them.
No joke.
We learned about the complications that a premie might develop post-natal and how the team manages these small fellas. We even had a go at practicing a neonatal resuscitation. Our consultants are completely fabulous and they really do show an immense passion in what they're pursuing as paediatricians.
So far, in the 3 weeks of this rotation, I have learned so much about these little creatures that are so different than us adults. Tutorials about common clinical presentations of children to congenital anomalies to developmental delay, they really were fascinating if not overwhelming. All of these might sound fancy, and as a medical student that is always keen to learn something new, I find that my biggest lesson wasn't in the pathophysiology or clinical picture of these myriad of conditions. What captivated me the most was the resilience displayed by parents, followed by the empathy of clinicians in treating these families.
Why do I say families?
Because once a child is diagnose with a terminal illness, the whole family is affected by it. The whole family struggles, the whole family basically 'shares' the disease with these sick children.
I'll ask you this. Can you go through a night with your child crying non-stop with a fever and a barking cough? Would you be able to just stay put seeing your child convulse for more than 30 minutes in the ambulance? And would you be able to go through the news that your child is diagnosed with a life-long debilitating condition?
It's not an easy feat dealing with this. One parent of a severely handicapped teenage girl came in to speak with us about her journey living with a disable daughter. It was so touching, it was so real. The difficulty in accepting her baby's condition, the guilt thinking that it was her fault to cause it, the bad days, the good days, the awkward situations. Her experience just demonstrates how human she is as she struggles to keep everything in place. I almost cried 3 times during that one hour session and I guess even now my eyes are teary as I write this down.
Can I go through an hour looking at my child crying and convulsing? Can I go through a day where my baby is ventilated with wires sticking out of every place they can get a line from? Can I go through nights when it's just me and my little girl in the ED as I cuddle her close because there's no bed in the wards to admit her?
Yes, paediatrics is tough. The number of cases are just massive, the possibility for a UTI to develop into a pyelonephritis and finally bring the baby into shock is there. Vomiting and diarrhea can be anything from simple gastritis to meningitis. Yes, it's insane and super tiring.
But imagine those mothers, imagine those fathers.
Betapa Allah nak kita belajar that we are so, so lucky to be healthy, He has to show us the worse case scenario in these children. I wonder today after that session with the mother who came in to talk with us medical students,
Sayangnya Allah kat aku
Sayangnya Allah kat kita
And yet we fail to see this
We fail to see How blessed we are
With all the gifts and potential, the strengths and abilities
Kita masih lagi nak menidakkan hak Dia?
We still run away from our SH
We deny Him all the gratitude He should have been given
As I type this down, tears have already left my eyes. How ungrateful am I sampaikan sudah senang nak putus asa just because Dia uji dengan sedikit masalah ukhuwwah.
Banyak sangat nikmat Allah, and really peeps, boleh ke kita nak hitung semuanya?
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful
5.41pm
20 Safar 1439H
CSI, University Hospital Galway
I've been away long enough that this place is starting to collect dust yet again. Though I must say, this year has been one of my most active year writing in this canvas. They say that when you're ridiculously in love or terribly heartbroken, you suddenly turn to become a poet. Maybe that's why Shawn Mendes made quite a statement when he 'requested' to be heartbroken by a girl in order for him to create better songs.
Putting all this irrelevant introduction out of the way, I'm currently still in CSI despite it being a Friday, despite it being dark and past maghrib, and despite my 'floppy' hijab (that I have brilliantly modified to a shawl version of the square hijab). Finishing my third week in Paediatrics has been splendid so far, although I am, actually very intimidated with the amount of knowledge expected from us by the end of the 4 weeks. Being a doctor soon feels so real now as the semester is about to end - it's already mid November peeps, June 2019 isn't that far.
Alhamdulillah today I was able to get my Ward-Based Assessment or more commonly called 'baby check' as I end my Neonatal Week. Yes, I do enjoy examining the babes but I do not enjoy it when they persistently cry as you flip them to check for ventral tone. Watching sick neonates, premies, is a very touching sight really. Can you even imagine holding a 1.3 kg baby? So, so small. So, so fragile. You're just so scared that you'll break them.
No joke.
We learned about the complications that a premie might develop post-natal and how the team manages these small fellas. We even had a go at practicing a neonatal resuscitation. Our consultants are completely fabulous and they really do show an immense passion in what they're pursuing as paediatricians.
So far, in the 3 weeks of this rotation, I have learned so much about these little creatures that are so different than us adults. Tutorials about common clinical presentations of children to congenital anomalies to developmental delay, they really were fascinating if not overwhelming. All of these might sound fancy, and as a medical student that is always keen to learn something new, I find that my biggest lesson wasn't in the pathophysiology or clinical picture of these myriad of conditions. What captivated me the most was the resilience displayed by parents, followed by the empathy of clinicians in treating these families.
Why do I say families?
Because once a child is diagnose with a terminal illness, the whole family is affected by it. The whole family struggles, the whole family basically 'shares' the disease with these sick children.
I'll ask you this. Can you go through a night with your child crying non-stop with a fever and a barking cough? Would you be able to just stay put seeing your child convulse for more than 30 minutes in the ambulance? And would you be able to go through the news that your child is diagnosed with a life-long debilitating condition?
It's not an easy feat dealing with this. One parent of a severely handicapped teenage girl came in to speak with us about her journey living with a disable daughter. It was so touching, it was so real. The difficulty in accepting her baby's condition, the guilt thinking that it was her fault to cause it, the bad days, the good days, the awkward situations. Her experience just demonstrates how human she is as she struggles to keep everything in place. I almost cried 3 times during that one hour session and I guess even now my eyes are teary as I write this down.
Parenting is hard.
And that's just taking care of normal kids.
What about those parents with special kids?
What if it was you?
What if it was me?
Can I go through an hour looking at my child crying and convulsing? Can I go through a day where my baby is ventilated with wires sticking out of every place they can get a line from? Can I go through nights when it's just me and my little girl in the ED as I cuddle her close because there's no bed in the wards to admit her?
Yes, paediatrics is tough. The number of cases are just massive, the possibility for a UTI to develop into a pyelonephritis and finally bring the baby into shock is there. Vomiting and diarrhea can be anything from simple gastritis to meningitis. Yes, it's insane and super tiring.
But imagine those mothers, imagine those fathers.
Betapa Allah nak kita belajar that we are so, so lucky to be healthy, He has to show us the worse case scenario in these children. I wonder today after that session with the mother who came in to talk with us medical students,
"Kenapa Allah buat macam ni kat anak-anak and these families eh? Is it because Allah wants to remind me of the ni'mahs He has given me? Just for me, a forgetful slave to remember Him?"
Sayangnya Allah kat aku
Sayangnya Allah kat kita
And yet we fail to see this
We fail to see How blessed we are
With all the gifts and potential, the strengths and abilities
Kita masih lagi nak menidakkan hak Dia?
We still run away from our SH
We deny Him all the gratitude He should have been given
As I type this down, tears have already left my eyes. How ungrateful am I sampaikan sudah senang nak putus asa just because Dia uji dengan sedikit masalah ukhuwwah.
Banyak sangat nikmat Allah, and really peeps, boleh ke kita nak hitung semuanya?
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