Somebody to You

I used to wanna be
Living like there's only me
But now I spend my time
Thinking 'bout a way fulfilling all Your rights

I used to be so tough
Never really gave enough
And then I found You twice
Felt like I was reborn to another life

Look at me now, I'm trying
To be the one, worth mentioning
Before the ground swallows
I need to start now

All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah
Is somebody to You
All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah
Is somebody to You

Everybody's trying to be a billionaire
But every time I talk to You I just don't care
'Cause all I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah
Is somebody to You

I used to fool around
I didn't wanna be bound
But now I wake each day
Never stopping praises for all that You gave

I've got the Al-Quran
But Rabbi I need more than that
I need to know my faith
So that I could properly embrace Your Love

Look at me now, I'm changing
To be the best Your mentioning
Before the world ends
I will do my best now

All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah
Is somebody to You
All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah
Is somebody to You

Everybody's trying to chase worldly affairs
But everytime I do sujood I just don't care
'Cause all I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be, yeah, yeah
Is somebody to You

Ya Rabbi
Ya Kariim
Ya Rahman
Ya Rahim
Ya Dzuljalal wal Ikram
Ya Jabbar
Ya Wadud
Ya A'ziim

Ya Rabbi...



Lyrics changed from the song "Somebody to you" by The Vamps.

Going Down Memory Lane

As I helplessly tried to focus on some CVS revision, I browsed through my old blog and couldn't help but amaze myself of how astounding my change had been so far.

Ya Allah,
You truly are a Miracle Worker.

I know there are people out ther who have similar stories to mine - stories of change and transformation. One common thing from our stories in which I am definite of is that it was never full of roses. We learnt of change in our own distinctive way, each bringing us closer to our Creator, closer to the meaning of life. And I also found out that I've adored writing for so long I might as well keep on writing and see how it matures through time.

Because I know one day I'll be able to smile as I re-open back these pages and look back at my journey, whispering close to my heart,

"Ya Allah, it was all worth it."

Of Paris and The All-Encompassing

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Alhamdulillah
For the sky and the rain
The clouds and the wind
For the pain and the doubt
For the lessons and the tears

*smiles*

Paris, yup. Alhamdulillah, all praises is to Allah and to Allah only for finally allowing me to view the Eiffel Tower with my own bare eyes. Despite the mesmerizing picture I was able to capture with my Xperia V, none can challenge how the eye captures this magnificent sight.

And the Eiffel Tower is only man-made. The creation of the 'architects', 'engineers', 'electricians', 'builders' and all those humans hovering around beneath it are far more superior and intensely complex than the metal bars put up to display as one of Paris' iconic monuments.

During my trip there - about four days ago, we have been shocked by the shooting at Charlie Hebdo's headquarters in which 12 people were killed; 3 cartoonists and it's chief editor being amongst them if I got my facts correct inshaAllah. Now this happenned the morning my flight arrived in Paris Beauvais, the line was long and the tourists were many. Like us, I think many were still oblivious of what happened that morning. Before departing from Dublin, my father had warned me that anti-Muslim sentiments are rising in Europe and this proved true after I watched the news about a protest in Germany later that night together with the non-stop reports of the incident that impacted France's strong value on freedom of speech. The days followed as the case becomes more conflicting with the gunmen still being on the loose before finally they are finally gunned down on Friday night, 9th January 2015. In the three days I have found much of the world being a temporary facade; one humans rely on to achieve their desired 'happiness'.

I wonder, that after the Palace of Versailles and its gardens were built, did the French monarchy really found happiness?

"Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: Women and sons; heaped-up hoards of gold and silver, horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world's life; but in nearness to Allah is the best if the goals (to return to)."

(Al-Imran, 3:14)

I wonder if the people of France back in those days were really happy looking at that palace made out gold while they were out starving on the streets?

I wonder if the artists that painted and sculpted the paintings, the sculptures in Louvre actually found contentment and happiness in their work? And if they did, what did other people feel of having a 'section' of them displayed for the world to see? What did the models feel?

What is 'art'?

Questions like these would probably be answered with answers like these:-

"Everyone view the arts differently. Not one person perceive the arts the same as another."

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."

And the list goes on.

Well, I'm not here to debate on that nor will this writing be of the how perception shapes one's view on the arts (sounds like a ToK assignment already). But it will be of this one asma' below.

Credits

*smiles*

During my trip, a friend told me that Allah's land is far and wide; without no boundaries. And that this whole world encompasses of what Allah created for humans. That this land, no matter how terrible it is, holds more lessons than we can ever imagine. In it we are able to learn not only from what Allah lets remain of its history but also from the people around.

"Do they not travel through the earth and see what was the End of those before them? They were even superior to them in strength, and in the traces (they have left) in the land; but Allah did call them to account for their sins, and none had they to defend against Allah."

(Al-Ghafir, 40:21)

When looking at this one name of Allah which is Al-Wasi', the meaning behind it is the All-Encompassing, the All-Comprehending, the Boundless, the All-Embracing. Going to Paris - I have to be honest and it's a personal opinion - I found nothing but emptiness. The streets, the buildings, the statues - empty. I saw nothing good in the land of Paris initially and this eroded all my previous impression that Paris was a beauty. But later, as I tried to find meaning to my trip - not wanting it to be a waste, Allah slowly let me learn of Himself by allowing me the opportunity to look beyond what my eyes could feast.

Because Allah is indeed The All-Encompassing.

"And to Allah belongs the east and the west. So wherever you turn, there is the face of Allah. Indeed, Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing."

(Al-Baqarah, 2:115)

In the far blue sky
There is Allah
In the clouds and the gust of wind
There is Allah
In the sea of people who do not know Allah
Who do not acknowledge Allah
There He stands watch of all His creations

High above the Eifell Tower
Deep inside the Louvre
Around the Garden of Versailles
Lies Allah
He is there for He is Boundless

It is not only in a mosque
Nor only in a seminar can you find Him
It is not only in the company of the believers
can you feel Him
Even at lonely times
Even when only those despise surrounds
He is there
He surrounds us all
He is the All-Encompassing
He is Al-Wasi'

And that was how I got closer to knowing who Allah is. Al-Wasi' is He.

Subhanallah.





To read more about Allah's other asma' click the following links below inshaAllah. *smiles*
Al-Qawiy
Al-Jabbar

Project: Discovering Allah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

It is a challenging week indeed I am facing now (and it's only Tuesday, believe me this week will drain me) filled with a huge amount of distraught and confusion, worries and hopes all piled up at the start of the week. Yesterday witnessed one of my vulnerable moments as I tried to find reason behind all the actions I am taking now to begin with 2015. Honestly speaking, it's easier to decide that you want to do everything for Allah, but like in Surah Al-Ankabut, verse 2;

"Do humans think that they will be left alone on saying, 'We believe', and that they will not be tested?"

So it's not enough to just say it, it's not enough to just believe in it because every inch of that belief will be tested one after another in order for Allah to test that belief - either it's firm or not.

"That which is on earth we have made but as a glittering show for the earth, in order that We may test them - as to which of them are the best in conduct."

(Al-Kahfi, 19:7)

But you know, Allah really doesn't need to assure Himself of our stand because He already knows of it. Of all the people in Ireland and Malaysia, of all the living beings in the world, of all the particles in the galaxy and universe, the Most Powerful entity, our Creator, mashaAllah, believes in us. And He's so Powerful, we're so puny, yet He believes in us, believes in our meagre capacity.

"On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear."

(Al-Baqarah, 2:286)

Therefore, if we are facing a dire problem that we think we cannot settle, that is wrong. Very wrong.

Because, didn't Allah mentioned that no soul will be tested more than it can bear?

Our Creator believed in us, surely we should have that faith in ourselves that things will go well in the end no matter what the outcome is.

So what is the function of these tests? To me, I believe that they are more for us than they are for anyone else. These trials and tests we label as 'troubles' and 'problems' are actually tailored and customed made for us. To make us become better than we were before. If we never faced a difficult maths equation to solve in our monthly test, we will never know how to deal with that equation in the final semester exam. If we have never loss one of our favorite keepsake, we will never know how to overcome the loss of it when the time comes.

Tests are given to make you stronger. Not weaker.

And these tests are only given in Dunya.

Like Dunya, tests are temporary.

Being in the education system for more than 13 years, I know I've been to numerous tests and exams, minor and major ones. I know you have been to those too. Like the tests and exams we sit for in the exam hall, the test that Allah gives in our daily life also has a time frame. Exams usually ends after 1-2 hours, maybe up to 4 hours, but they end. Our problems are a test, and they too will end.

Allah gave me the most wonderful example today subhanallah.

I was out to get some groceries earlier today (bear in mind that I faced a terrible night of confusion the day before) and so I walked to the butcher as they forgot to deliver the minced meat we ordered yesterday. I actually went out yesterday already, so it actually did take up the time that I wanted to spend writing. Upon arriving, I explained the situation, took the package, smiled and left the store but as soon as opened the door, I was mesmerized beyond my expectation.

Credits

Yes, a rainbow.

As simple as it might sound, the view was breathtaking. The angle that Allah let me view this beauty was indescribable, I couldn't even take a picture with my phone. I did try though and failed miserably. Upon my final attempt, suddenly half of the rainbow was gone. And it strucked me,

"Allah gave me happiness in just a glimpse of time and that happiness soon disappeared. Even happiness is temporary, sadness is also temporary too."

Dunya IS temporary therefore everything in Dunya will be temporary too.

My happiness, my sadness, the money in my pocket, the time I'm in Ireland, the challenges I face.

All of them are temporary. They will come and they will go.

And that's the nature of Dunya.

Subhanallah. A blessing in disguise.

"Verily, with every difficulty there is ease."

(Al-Sharh, 94:6)

So you know, it's really unfair to say that life is unfair. Because we really never know what lies behind the events happening around us now. Some people could only realise the benefit after 10 years of having loss the opportunity to continue their studies abroad, some people never realise that they are actually lucky despite not having a boyfriend yet (we only do nikah here 'cause we're cool liddat disliking haram relationships). You think you know what's best but you don't really, Allah does. He's The All Knowing, Al-'Alim.

And Al-'Alim is one of Allah's 99 Beautiful Names.

Alhamdulillah, I am pleased to announce that I will be doing a collaborative project between two other bloggers; Farah Diana and nars together with my close friend Ilyani Rahim. We'll be doing a write-up weekly on one of Allah's 99 Names each and have the links posted at the end of each posts so that readers can easily click on the link and continue on the next blog to read (Ilyani will be using her Facebook mind you). We would really appreciate any extra comments or share on the blogposts/status so that many more people can also embrace the meaning behind these names and further develop a stronger relationship with our Creator by knowing Him better.

*smiles*

InshaAllahuta'ala, please pray for us and this project. It is just a mediocre attempt but may it be of benefit not only to us but to the ummah as a whole.

Peace be upon you, Salamun a'laikum!

An Honest Piece

I know this blog should be nothing but personal yet it comes to me that I cannot do much rather than elucid raw feelings - those that contain no added ingredients, no edited words.

Alhamdulillah, 2014 has ended and the book of 2015 is presented in front with blank pages eager to be filled.

I must say that I am not celebrating my new year with fireworks or a new year feast, instead I am starting my first paragraph of 2015 with a tale of a never-ending battle raging inside my head. A tale of Haq and Bathil, a tale of Nafs and Syaiton, a tale of dependence and hope in Allah. This will be a near-to-clear depiction of what I am facing recently in the past week and how I believe that there are others around me also going through the same phase and I would apologize early because this post will contain an enormous amount of self-contradictory claims (because we're talking about battles between two forces here) so read under your own discretion.

"To make a decision is easy but to keep it requires more than just wits and strength."

Two weeks ago, I made a strong and determined decision to hold only onto the rope of Allah, to follow what has been written in the Quran and to leave all that will taint the process of me becoming a better person in the name of Allah. And I take this from Surah Al-Imran, verse 103 and Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 208. Alhamdulillah, once I've made that decision, Allah gave me a remarkable feeling - an astounding contentment and peace that shrouded the very steps that I take even if it was painful, even if it was dreadful.

The first week of my winter break became one that I cherish so much of. So much of friendships created, so much 'heart' felt. It was great subhanallah. Then came my second week, a week where I am tested of my words and decision. I was bombarded with not one ill thought but dozens of it. And those thoughts came continuously like bullets fired from a machine gun. They did not only come at my vulnerable moments, they even came when I was reciting the Quran, even when I was trying hard to prostrate in my sujood.

MashaAllah it was terrible.

And I'm still facing it now.

I soon remembered of how Syaiton deceived Adam AS and Hawa to disobey Allah's command in Surah Al-A'raf, 7:11-22. And these are the steps he will use to deceive all mankind as well. Some of these methods could be so explicit they occur right in front of our eyes like the temptation to stare at a 'handsome' dude passing by or could be something subtle like an intention of doing good to show off or an evil thought to commit sin. The latter is so much more dangerous to fight off because of it's intangible nature. It takes more than just looking away from the thought (like what you can do regarding the 'handsome' dude) because literally speaking, how are you able to look away from what's inside your head? It stays stuck there unless some other good thought is able to overpower the desire to do sin. This was my problem.

Surely, it is not enough to just sit down praying for Allah's help. I knew I needed to do something but I was definitely clueless on where to start. I knew the consequences of my actions, I knew what I should do to stop curb the ill thoughts from coming but there's so much confusion going inside my brain that I picture only failure and grey clouds everywhere. I don't know why things are getting so complicated in life. I thought I was facing middle-age crisis. (gelak sikit)

It was raining outside and as the nature of being a traveller (read:musafir), I took my utmost opportunity to ask for Allah's guidance because I was clearly unable to find a sound solution. Then I opened up a recording; one that has been inside my music player for more than three months and listened to it. Unintentionally, my eyes failed me and all the walls covering my ego thinking that I had it handled were torn down in the blink of an eye. I cried. The sister giving the sharing wasn't someone whom I've met before and the sharing wasn't even about La Tahzan, Innallaha ma'ana (Do not be sad, verily Allah is with us). But it hit right through, and at that moment I found light. 

Now this might sound that I've found the ultimate solution but really that was still not enough to help my struggle.

What was it that touched me?

"Kenapa kita kena check balik titik tolak kita? Belajar tak pasal bearing? Kalau dah tersasar sikit pada awalnya, lama kelamaan akan tersasar jauh kan?"

"Kenapa tajarrud tuh diletakkan paling awal dalam ciri-ciri dai'e mukmin? Kenapa bukan seni memimpin ummat?"

"Maka untuk tajarrud, penting sangat untuk ada jilsah takaffur tuh, untuk ada time untuk duduk dan beriman sejenak."

"Why do we need to recheck our starting point? Ever learned about bearing (in giving directions)? If we go astray just by a small magnitude initially, sooner or later we'll really get far off right?"

"Why is tajarrud put first on the list of  characteristics of a dai'e mukmin? Why not the art of leadership?"

"Therefore, to tajarrud, it is vital to have jilsah takaffur, to have time to sit and have iman (in this content we use the word, reflect) for awhile."

It was an enlightment. Really.

I mean, imagine that you've been stuck in a dark cave only to know that you have enough equipment to make a fire and light your way out. It's just that you're blindfolded by your own fear and that you don't feel that torchlight in your hand as you tremble in pitch black. And subhanallah, with so much dependency, you pray to Allah, helplessly asking that he shows even a glimpse of hope to help you get out of the misery. 

Which He then finally gave. A solution which was actually so obvious all along.

Now to pave the way out of the darkness, it requires more than just the knowledge of lighting that fire and using that torchlight to find all the necessary items, it needs courage and patience to step out of our comfort zone and thread the path unknown. And nobody can ever grant that courage or strength to move other than Allah himself, because everyone else is also in that blindfolded state, some groping at the wrong means to help them find the way out.

This is just a spark. Surely there are more suceeding steps that I need to take in this battle. I know you also have to take those steps. Because here in this world, we are against the current. We don't follow the flow. We are against whatever Syaiton and his troops have built. 

Because we are the building blocks of an ummah that Allah has promised great power. An ummah that upholds what is righteous and what is against sunnatullah.

Yes, this is an honest piece. A piece I write not to inspire anyone less than myself.

Lena

Mengapa
Hari ini kau bangun
Melihat dunia dengan jiwa
Kosong tanpa rasa

Mengapa
Hari ini kau jejak kaki ke luar
Tanpa niat yang benar
Semata-mata
Untuk Tuhan Yang Esa

Mengapa
Hari ini kau menginginkan perkara
Yang kau tahu hina
Menolak janji semalam
Mengagungkan bisikan syaitan

Wahai penulis
Tajdid niat itu bukan hanya boleh dibuat
Satu kali
Dua kali
Tiga kali
Tapi perlu dilakukan
Berulang kali

Berhenti berdalih
Bangunlah daripada lenamu itu
Hari esok menanti
Bersama janji Tuhan yang pasti

Breather

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

*wipes away dusts and fragments of laziness from computer screen*

*coughs, sneezes, smiles*

Alhamdulillah, it has been two months since I've last written in here but Allah still chooses me despite those long days of leaving this canvas blank. I could come out with a multitude of reasons but none would be solid enough to prove sufficient for my absence in this blog. Nevertheless, I am back and ready to further continue upholding justice to this blog inshaAllah.

Moving on,

Alhamdulillah again, (can't stop repeating my gratefulness actually) as it has been almost a week since winter break started and I am currently in a friend's house all the way in Manchester. And this has been one of the cutest thing the people here have done (besides taking our bags and bringing it all the way from the coach station back home) .....

Warm lemon tea for sickly me

Alhamdulillah for the great hospitality at day one friends. Eventhough streams of visitors have come and go from this house, there has never been a lack of love in welcoming us weary travellers into this house. Even the one who brought me this mug of tea was sick herself. You have got to now that I am terribly touched by this small gesture. *menangis* Jazakunallah khairan kathira. :)

In this post, I would like to share an ayaah (An-Nahl, 16:6) :

Credits

Disclaimer: Mind you, I don't learn the Arabic language. I'm not a pro at giving tafseer nor am I quoting anyone for it, but I'm here to share whatever tadabbur that comes from my heart that can be related to it inshaAllah.

The meaning of the ayaah goes like this:-

And indeed, for you in grazing livestock is a lesson. We give you drink from what is in their bellies - between excretion and blood - pure milk, palatable to drinkers.

One question might pop up from your minds as in, what has livestock actually have to do with providing lessons for us living human beings?

Yes, we slaughter them to provide meat for our consumption. In that we learn about rizq.

Yes, they follow Allah's ruling in which they graze over grass and not eat meat in their diet. Thus we learn about sunnatullah and obedience.

But what is it in them that Allah uses the word 'Ibrah' to describe lesson?

I can only a very grave and superficial meaning of what 'Ibrah' means, in which some of the meanings are lesson, moral, example and warning. A lesson can be like what we learn in class, something academic-like and could either give an impact or not in our lives. A lesson could also be like something we get after an eventful situation, for example, the death of a close relative or being a victim of snatch thief. The list goes on.

When we talk about moral, usually it relates to the second definition of lesson in which I've stated beforehand which more or less relates close to another meaning of 'Ibrah' which is warning. Warnings usually come from lessons learnt by one party given to another party so that the latter does not repeat the same mistake or as a precaution to be aware of any damgerous implications.

What about the meaning of 'example' derived from 'Ibrah'?

Well, when Allah implies that in these grazing livestock is a lesson, meaning that there lies an example in these beings. That they are chosen to act as an example to be followed. Examples are usually given to describe a situation or to describe a certain action in a more specific manner. Like in a statement, "Students should be wise in managing their time," the examples that would come suite would be "By scheduling a daily timetable, prioritising work by importance and adhere strictly to the schedule made."

So what is it that is so special in these 'Grazing Livestock' that Allah mentioned them specifically in this ayaah?

Let's look at the second part of the ayaah.

'We give you drink from what is in their bellies -between excretion and blood - pure milk, palatable to drinkers.'

Milk?

Okay, we drink milk and then?

Have we ever wondered how milk could actually come out from an animal in which there lies a number of metabolic systems that in it are not quite comfortable to be mentioned but I'll mention it anyway in a more delicate manner - the excretory and blood circulatory system. Is it not a wonder how something so pure could come out from something green, slimy, reddish inside the body of a cow or a sheep (Okay, I might've gone overboard with that description). But what we can take from these livestock is that these livestock, they follow the 'fitrah' or 'nature' that Allah has decided upon them. Like mentioned before, they eat from grass and not from slaughtered meat. They do not put up a devastating fight when they are slaughtered for our meals. They do not even decide to walk on two feet and has all four legs on the ground. Do they fight against the shepherd when he ushers the herd away from the grazing site back to their barn?

The answer is no. They follow and they obey what Allah has decreed upon them to be.

Look at us humans. We are created with a magnificent mind; able to create and imagine beyond boundaries, able to compute and decipher the most difficult of algorithms, able to acknowledge so much of the delicate systems in the human body. But why is it that we are so oblivious of the Creator behind all that is our eyes to see, our mind to think and our heart to ponder?

Credits

And We have certainly created for Hell many of the jinn and mankind. They have hearts with which they do not understand, they have eyes with which they do not see, and they have ears with which they do not hear. Those are like livestock; rather, they are more astray. It is they who are the heedless.

(Al-A'raf, 7:179)

The Quran
This world
This life

Are all entities that Allah gifted us with to find Him. To love Him and to acknowledge His power. And it is not even for Him, instead it is for us. 

When was the last time that we found peace away from fulfilling expecations of people?
When was the last time we felt contented with what we have in front of our eyes?
When was the last time we found ease despite losing something we care so much for?

Despite the darkness we have in our hearts, Allah still chose us to except this Deen, this way of life that releases us from the shackles of Dunya entrapping us. This Deen puts our thoughts and mind into place, gives a difference between purpose and means, provides us with peach and content even with all we have that is less.

Thus, this ayaah tells us that if we follow what Allah has directed and guided us to be, we shall create something that is pure from our hearts to give to others, a message that is free from any ill or negative in it although it originates from us - a sinful human being.

The understanding of Islam truly is an incomparable gift. Not many are able to obtain in, what more be given the strength to spread it. So in the trials and tribulations we face everyday, let us not forget  that His love transcends whatever we can integrate in our heads. And let us always remember that as we stay inside the warmth of our houses, there are people out there shivering in the cold night. And lest us always remember that in the company of our loved ones, there are people who lost theirs to the many events Allah gives in order to strengthen His soldiers.

To my dearest readers,
If you do finally reach this part, I sincerely ask for your kind prayers for the victims of flood in Malaysia, for our brothers and sisters in Palestine, Syria, Rohingya and the whole world.

May this writing bring goodness to all it may touch inshaAllah.

#prayforpantaitimur