Al-Quran Is In Fact The Ultimate Solution

 Assalamualaikum wrh wbt

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal, back here on this canvas on mine after finally doing what I do best - writing and making lists on pen and paper. I really couldn't believe how pen and paper could change a doom-scrolling Sabreena to a more productive person, and I know that despite all the studies done, it required such a strong willpower to finally make it real.

*takes a deep breath*

Nonetheless, alhamdulillah. Truly all praises be to Allah, The Almighty. The One who shifted my heart and lifted my hands to finally come back typing here.

*smiles*

Alright so now what brings the topic above into discussion?
Well, me and my usrahmates (yes people, hamdulillah still in the usrah game and so happy to still be here to write stuff about Allah and share it to everyonee :)), decided that we should play a more active presence in the digital social-sphere of the digital community. Because hey, everyone now has a digital presence in the world wide web. And yes, I did so terribly in TikTok that I am starting my roots by visiting the most comfortable place I have in the web - my blog.

And yes, I am 32 yet I still write like I'm 15, 20, 25 - full of brackets, online gestures and emojis. My own personal style, honest and full of emotions.

Anyhow, going back to the topic *cough*

At home when my husband and I have conversations, I have the tendency to always give the final conclusion of "That's why we need to go back to the teachings of the Quran," and my husband would irk at the answer because he feels it is such an anti-climax to a more heated discussion. Don't get me wrong peeps, his intention is nothing related to going against Quran, he just wants his wife to participate in the conversation. Haha.

It got me thinking on it, like.. "Why does anyone want a different answer than that? How much complex or simple is the human mind that it could not comprehend the idea that Quran holds the key to all the misfortune that is happening in the world?"

So today, while reading the Quran and having a short moment of tadabbur, I found the verses in Surah Syu'ara speak to me in ways that I find was comforting and also answering the question I had beforehand (and actually, the Quran has answered it in so many other verses as well like in Surah Al-An'am and the likes - clearly showing that these questions are repeatedly asked by the people who are presented with the words of Allah).

In the first few verses of Surah As-Syu'ara stated below,

 
Allah said that the verses of Quran were crystal clear, it is not vague, it is direct and it differentiates the truth from the falsehood so clearly. But Rasulullah, being the most soft-hearted person he is, would throw his life away because of the sadness he feels for those who do not believe in this truth. And because Rasulullah knows that the ending for those who disbelief is so clear, his pain is even more deep - especially to those who are actually amongst his own blood and kin. Allah said that despite them disbelieving, I could have 'forced' down a mukjizat that can make them bow down - but why didn't Allah do it?

Because He wanted to honour humans and their free-will. To make iman a choice and not a decree that is forced upon us. Also so that His word can resonate through each generation, to all parts of the world, not just a specific generation like what happened to the people before whom have witnessed the sea parted, blood gushing out and a human withstanding fire. If it was just mukjizat that is witness, only those who see it will believe it and it can only be shown to a specific group of people at a specific time.

The Quran transcends time, generations and place. Translated to so many languages, the Arabic language of the Quran is truly precise to describe all Allah needs us to know of throughout our whole life - the principle and baseline on how to maneuver our livelihood.

And if you look at all the signs, can you actually find anything against the Divine? Confirm tak. And that's why Allah continued the verses in Surah Syu'ara as such,

He uses His name Ar-Rahman, to show that these signs given by Him to all mankind are given in such a delicate and soft way. It is because of His Hilm, His softness and graciousness that He doesn't punish anyone for their wrongdoings immediately. He gives us time and space to return back to Him and to comprehend all of the signs, yet when we fail to use our amazing mind He bestowed, wouldn't He be the first one to be disappointed and it is only His right to enact the right punishment for our disgrace.

In our oh-so arrogant way of thinking, when we feel that we need more than just 'going back to the Quran' as the solution, who are we to justify that we are much better than The Lord of Worlds, than The Creator of you and me? 

(This is by all means not to reduce our thinking minds to just mindlessly follow because even Allah says that those who are able to find truth are those who keep thinking and become among the Ulul Albab)

If we start looking at other 'ways of thinking', other 'school of thoughts' for us to use it as our main stronghold in how we view the world, then truly, that will be the demise of this ummah. Because none of these models of thinking can ever surpass what Allah has given us to create the best of nations. And it is our failure as mankind for us if we hinder ourselves from this message of justice, peace, love, growth and civilisation.

Let's not be that shall we, 
let's be better muslims,

better humans.

:)

Romanticising Life

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, Most Merciful

12.43am

The usual time I would do midnight rants on IG once upon a time. And the usual time I would sit in front of my laptop or PC typing away in this old blog that has been around for more than 10 years.

Lately, after almost 9 months of understanding my thought patterns, my emotions and eventually having to think of a better way to survive life itself, I have understood that it is within my power to shape my life - and by no means do I have to follow the usual template of anything in life that I hear from people, that I view in social media, that I envision of myself or even those that inspire me. 

I only needed to be me

Be my own version of myself

Be the version that Allah wants me to be upholding the right principles of Islam

I do not need to follow any template

I just need to have taqwa and embody the slave I am to Him

And alhamdulillah

With the help of my amazing new keyboard, I am finding happiness again in typing such silly notes and rants

Randomly penning down positive thoughts instead of dark humour and negative emotions

Alhamdulillah

After every hardship comes ease

Immense ease

Ease that I am still learning to adapt back into

Ease that has always been around me yet I was too blinded to see it, let alone embrace

Alhamdulillah

Let’s write more Sabby

And let’s be our honest version

And smile again

Just like old days

InshaAllah.

Holding Responsibilities

After the write-up for my grandparents, 

I have to get ready to face the world.

To face the intense text message piled up and the work left undone due to my sickness - both physically and mentally.

I have become so accustomed to comfort, that I forgot how it felt to have people against me. That I forgot how it was to fight the current, be truthful to the situation and accept my flaws with grace.

I have been too soft and too naive in so many ways.

Bismillah

Astaghfirullah

Allahuakbar

Almost 4 weeks of being such a wimp, drowning in all those depressive thoughts and negative decline. InshaAllah, it’s time to immerse myself in the positivity and goodwill of Allah, of the world.

Bismillah.

Let’s settle those responsibilities one at a time, biiznillah.

A Tribute for Tokpuan and Tokyah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

In the name of Allah, The Most Merciful, Most Gracious

“And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith - We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds. Every person, for what he earned, is retained.”

(Surah At-Tur, 52:21)

At the age of 31, I only just knew that previously my grandparents had a wine cellar in their home in Malacca - and how my aunt would usually prepare cocktails for the visitors - non-muslims of course - who came to visit my grandfather during special occasions.

At the age of 31, I finally understood that changing this way of life for my grandparents and my mother’s side of the family was such a drastic change from what they were used to and what has usually become the norm for them. 

The younger rebellious nature I once had, and the one sided feeling of being left out and isolated was slowly diminished with this new knowledge and understanding. 

It was a great journey for the whole family. To hijrah.

**********

Growing up, I have always remembered my grandparents to be the abiding muslims they were. Despite knowing that my grandfather was a very loyal envoy of the British during their colonialism - kena belajar overseas UK/US the whole lot - both Tokpuan and Tokyah were the first ones who taught me 3 Qul when I was at the young age of 4 years old. They made sure I recited Surah Al-Fatihah and 3 Qul before bed, then eventually added Ayatul Qursi as well, which soon became my night routine since then. 

In the family, I was the first one to start wearing the hijab at a 14 years old, something my aunts would then pinpoint as being an ustazah as I soon migrated to fully covering my chest later at 18 years old and wore the hijab amongst my cousins in the house, not just outside (which was the right way to go based on shariah). I had so much unrest within me when I saw my relatives not understanding Islam the way I understood it, the way the Quran outlined it to be. I even started feeling like they mocked me to a degree and made fun of my life choices.

Only after opening up and allowing myself to understand their POV that I fully found the truth behind their way of thinking and how including Islam and its teachings in their daily life was also a shift for them. Even praying was something that was so foreign, has become something accustomed in life and they even pray jemaah as well. Subhanallah.

It’s like, it’s Allah’s way of telling me that “Sabreena, you need to have patience. Remember your name, remember how your name was chosen by your grandfather after coming back from Hajj.”

I believe that Hajj was the paradigm shift for my grandparents.

It took them that long to make that change.

I see Hajj making a change in my aunt and my uncle.

I see the idea of going to Hajj making a change in my parents.

Ya Allah, why was I so hasty? When I knew that this Deen will prevail at Your own timeline and not based on my desires. Why was I so easy to pass judgement when I have yet to do my part in the da’wah to my family?

Truly, this Eiduladha opened up my horizons so much. It made me truly encompass the meaning of being a daie and just being myself with family, no fake masks, no lies, no trying to put up a good show - but being qudwah because I really am a part of it, and being respectful, understanding and open to listening to their side of the story.

Above all, I became the witness to how Tokpuan and Tokyah worked hard to make this leap of change from who they were before to what they left of this family after their passing.

*smiles*

Tokpuan, Tokyah

Kakak finally faham kenapa our family is like it is

And kakak finally faham why Allah letak nama akak Sabreena

And how it was inspired after your pilgrimage to the Holy lands

I may not be special, and I am just like anyone else dalam dunia ni

Tp Allah datangkan kakak in this family as someone to look after it, and be a part of it

Not as a judge

But as a child, a grandchild, a niece, a cousin 

To spread Islam in its own beautiful way

And to strengthen our family ties

In the way of imaan, in the way of Islam

So that in the end, we will be united in the best of place

In Jannah

Kakak harap Tokpuan dan Tokyah tenang disana

Dilapangkan kubur, dikurniakan nikmat atas perjuangan di dunia

Dijauhkan dari azab kubur

Dan diampunkan segala dosa-dosa

Kakak is always proud of my Tokpuan Aminah and my Tokyah Ali

Sayang Tokpuan, Tokyah

Jumpa nanti inshaAllah.. :)

“Dan orang-orang yang beriman yang diturut oleh zuriat keturunannya dengan keadaan beriman, Kami hubungkan (himpunkan) zuriat keturunannya itu dengan mereka (di dalam Syurga); dan Kami (dengan itu) tidak mengurangi sedikitpun dari pahala amal-amal mereka; tiap-tiap seorang manusia terikat dengan amal yang dikerjakannya.”

(Surah At-Tur, 52:21)

Dreams and Vomit

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Merciful, Most Gracious

Such a title

As always, being dramatic is so ingrained within me - it helps me joke around my life circumstances with dark humour

Anyhow,

Alhamdulillah I finally am writing this piece that I have been wanting to write since 3 weeks ago. A title I already have running around my head and the basic content of what I want to pen down (or type down if that makes any sense). Well to be honest, the first half was the original title. I had to add the second part because I feel so overwhelmed to the point of bloatedness and vomiting the stress out.

Today wasn't good. I lied down the whole day and was so down in the dumps - woke up feeling exhausted but still tried to pull through. Reheated yesterday's dinner for the family's lunch and slept with Ali after Zuhur curled up on the carpet with all the toys scattered around and the clothes unfolded, not dried in the washing machine. I didn't go to scan practicals today and felt such a loser for waking up late, extremely tired to even get up for a shower.

It was bad.

But I got up.

And I did shower, played with Ali and went to teach mengaji to the kids. Then I went to usrah all smiley-faced like nothing happened when in fact I was in such a situation that I was holding back my nausea while driving to Bangi.

It was that bad.

But khayr,

Alhamdulillah,

I survived 4th February.

So that's the vomit part, what about the dreams?

About two months ago, one of my good friends and personal therapist told me that I have forgotten to dream. The putting a life-goal and mission type of dream. I knew what I had to do in life - abid and khalifah and all - but I didn't have anything to look forward too. When I told her that I will be attending classes for ultrasound on obgyn, she was ecstatic for me - with a tinge of concern, because new addition to my schedule may help me look forward to life but I would need to prepare myself to deal with the new challenges that come with the added commitment.

January passed by and alhamdulillah I survived the hecticness. But during the first month of 2025, I find myself having repetitive dreams of certain people that actually have not been in my life for nearly a decade. And that, caused me to be half annoyed, a quarter confused and a quarter curious.

Like...

Dah kenapa kan?

It came haunting almost every other night that I told myself I had to put an end to it.

And so I did.

I really did something random.

And right afterwards (together with a lot of introspection and reflection) stopped the dreams and made amends with myself - because you only dream what you desire innit?

I find myself searching for support

For comfort

And for appreciation

For space and for reciprocal yearning

That I felt was lost during the period of January up till now

Maybe even longer (because them dreams actually started even since last year)

I told myself - with the help of Allah guiding my lost soul - that I need to make peace with myself and my current state

And I come back to seek solace and support by reading books

With the one book that hit home - Rukun Amal IHAB by Dr Ali Abdul Halim Mahmud

Videos of women from Ghazzah who are so steadfast shook me

And reminded me of my core, my purpose, and my ultimate goal

Allah.

I have sacrificed so much since the start of getting to know You, Ya Rabb

And You have given me so much more that I could ever ask for

So everyday when shaytan goes and whisper (sometimes he even gives visuals or use a microphone to bicker my mind and thoughts), I tell myself to be grateful for what You have given

Because You will truly add on them

And You will truly piece back what I found lost and what I yearn

It's okay

It will be okay
And I don't need humans to remind me of it

When I have You with me always

Ya Rabb

Help me, protect me, aid me and allow me to only suffice with You

Hasbunallah wa ni'ma wakeel

P.S: Again, this post is just word vommit.
If you've come this far, please make du'a for me (nanti will be prayed back at you by the angels :'))

The Devil's Plan

 Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah

I am alive, breathing and having my full body intact in one piece. Alhamdulillah I have my family with me, my son and husband, my akhwats, my job, clothes and a roof to shelter upon. I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed.

Today started of pretty well, I am slowly recovering from my nightmare in October - one month passed, and now we're entering December. I woke up refreshed, did the laundry and folded some clothes. I prepared to go to work, arrived and received a call.

It was the call I never wanted to receive but I did. It was about a patient I did my detail scan on, my heart sank.

Everyday I feel like shaytan is trying to trick me into doing things I shouldn't do and feeling emotions I shouldn't have. Tests after tests Allah is putting me in, surely is to humble me and make me break so that I can finally bend only to Allah's will.

I am afraid
I am down
I feel like I want to have a full blow breakdown

But I am trying to hold unto whatever small hope I may have, the hope that stems from Allah, the hope that Allah will show me the way and bring me to the right path.

What is done, is done
I cannot undo this
But I can learn from it and move forward

I am still healing yes
But I will not fall into the Devil's plan to make me lose hope
Biiznillah

Ya Allah, I am forever unable to protect myself from my nafs or the whispers of shaytan without Your everlasting protection and guidance
Ya Allah, do not let me look at the negatives, allow me to embrace this test so that I can practice my sabr and shukr
Ya Allah, I am ever weak and You are the Most Powerful, You hold the hearts of people and only You can give strength to help us during our darkest times

Stare

Today felt a bit better

I started what I had to start 

Alhamdulillah

Biiznillah

It was a bit better

But as the night crawls

And I began to remember how weak I am for just 'resting' at home, I start to stare deep into space

As these words unfold into my mind

Words that are actually non-existent

Silence

.

.

.

Yes, it's actually silence

InshaAllah

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day