The Devil's Plan

 Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah

I am alive, breathing and having my full body intact in one piece. Alhamdulillah I have my family with me, my son and husband, my akhwats, my job, clothes and a roof to shelter upon. I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed.

Today started of pretty well, I am slowly recovering from my nightmare in October - one month passed, and now we're entering December. I woke up refreshed, did the laundry and folded some clothes. I prepared to go to work, arrived and received a call.

It was the call I never wanted to receive but I did. It was about a patient I did my detail scan on, my heart sank.

Everyday I feel like shaytan is trying to trick me into doing things I shouldn't do and feeling emotions I shouldn't have. Tests after tests Allah is putting me in, surely is to humble me and make me break so that I can finally bend only to Allah's will.

I am afraid
I am down
I feel like I want to have a full blow breakdown

But I am trying to hold unto whatever small hope I may have, the hope that stems from Allah, the hope that Allah will show me the way and bring me to the right path.

What is done, is done
I cannot undo this
But I can learn from it and move forward

I am still healing yes
But I will not fall into the Devil's plan to make me lose hope
Biiznillah

Ya Allah, I am forever unable to protect myself from my nafs or the whispers of shaytan without Your everlasting protection and guidance
Ya Allah, do not let me look at the negatives, allow me to embrace this test so that I can practice my sabr and shukr
Ya Allah, I am ever weak and You are the Most Powerful, You hold the hearts of people and only You can give strength to help us during our darkest times