Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Merciful, Most Gracious
“And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith - We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds. Every person, for what he earned, is retained.”
(Surah At-Tur, 52:21)
At the age of 31, I only just knew that previously my grandparents had a wine cellar in their home in Malacca - and how my aunt would usually prepare cocktails for the visitors - non-muslims of course - who came to visit my grandfather during special occasions.
At the age of 31, I finally understood that changing this way of life for my grandparents and my mother’s side of the family was such a drastic change from what they were used to and what has usually become the norm for them.
The younger rebellious nature I once had, and the one sided feeling of being left out and isolated was slowly diminished with this new knowledge and understanding.
It was a great journey for the whole family. To hijrah.
**********
Growing up, I have always remembered my grandparents to be the abiding muslims they were. Despite knowing that my grandfather was a very loyal envoy of the British during their colonialism - kena belajar overseas UK/US the whole lot - both Tokpuan and Tokyah were the first ones who taught me 3 Qul when I was at the young age of 4 years old. They made sure I recited Surah Al-Fatihah and 3 Qul before bed, then eventually added Ayatul Qursi as well, which soon became my night routine since then.
In the family, I was the first one to start wearing the hijab at a 14 years old, something my aunts would then pinpoint as being an ustazah as I soon migrated to fully covering my chest later at 18 years old and wore the hijab amongst my cousins in the house, not just outside (which was the right way to go based on shariah). I had so much unrest within me when I saw my relatives not understanding Islam the way I understood it, the way the Quran outlined it to be. I even started feeling like they mocked me to a degree and made fun of my life choices.
Only after opening up and allowing myself to understand their POV that I fully found the truth behind their way of thinking and how including Islam and its teachings in their daily life was also a shift for them. Even praying was something that was so foreign, has become something accustomed in life and they even pray jemaah as well. Subhanallah.
It’s like, it’s Allah’s way of telling me that “Sabreena, you need to have patience. Remember your name, remember how your name was chosen by your grandfather after coming back from Hajj.”
I believe that Hajj was the paradigm shift for my grandparents.
It took them that long to make that change.
I see Hajj making a change in my aunt and my uncle.
I see the idea of going to Hajj making a change in my parents.
Ya Allah, why was I so hasty? When I knew that this Deen will prevail at Your own timeline and not based on my desires. Why was I so easy to pass judgement when I have yet to do my part in the da’wah to my family?
Truly, this Eiduladha opened up my horizons so much. It made me truly encompass the meaning of being a daie and just being myself with family, no fake masks, no lies, no trying to put up a good show - but being qudwah because I really am a part of it, and being respectful, understanding and open to listening to their side of the story.
Above all, I became the witness to how Tokpuan and Tokyah worked hard to make this leap of change from who they were before to what they left of this family after their passing.
*smiles*
Tokpuan, Tokyah
Kakak finally faham kenapa our family is like it is
And kakak finally faham why Allah letak nama akak Sabreena
And how it was inspired after your pilgrimage to the Holy lands
I may not be special, and I am just like anyone else dalam dunia ni
Tp Allah datangkan kakak in this family as someone to look after it, and be a part of it
Not as a judge
But as a child, a grandchild, a niece, a cousin
To spread Islam in its own beautiful way
And to strengthen our family ties
In the way of imaan, in the way of Islam
So that in the end, we will be united in the best of place
In Jannah
Kakak harap Tokpuan dan Tokyah tenang disana
Dilapangkan kubur, dikurniakan nikmat atas perjuangan di dunia
Dijauhkan dari azab kubur
Dan diampunkan segala dosa-dosa
Kakak is always proud of my Tokpuan Aminah and my Tokyah Ali
Sayang Tokpuan, Tokyah
Jumpa nanti inshaAllah.. :)
“Dan orang-orang yang beriman yang diturut oleh zuriat keturunannya dengan keadaan beriman, Kami hubungkan (himpunkan) zuriat keturunannya itu dengan mereka (di dalam Syurga); dan Kami (dengan itu) tidak mengurangi sedikitpun dari pahala amal-amal mereka; tiap-tiap seorang manusia terikat dengan amal yang dikerjakannya.”
(Surah At-Tur, 52:21)
