Ramadhan Diaries: Heavy but As Always, Blessed

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

10.19pm

5 Ramadhan 1438H

Balakong

Today, rather than focusing on the pain that came earlier in the morning, I will speak of my blessings.

*senyum*

"The women in my family are all stubborn. They always get their way. Your mother is stubborn and you know your Maktok right? You also, among all my children, are also very stubborn. Now kakak, I have been through so many things in my life. And I know that no matter how many good friends you have, family stays. And as long as I am still alive, I would prefer to entertain you. You're a big girl now kakak, you can make your own decision."
- Dad

"Ohh, nak balik dah eh. Okay, okay. Tunggu kejap tokpuan solat dulu."
- Tokpuan

"Dan terhadap nikmat Tuhanmu, hendaklah engkau nyatakan (dengan bersyukur)."

(Surah Ad-Dhuha, 93:11)

I'm up to be a muwajih tomorrow at Masjid Putra (doakan saya >,<) inshaAllah, and I just came home from Tokpuan's house in Malacca. Despite it being quite a trouble for my family to arrange, I figured that I needed to try and persuade them till the end. Because again, I'm not trying to do anything bad. It's like asking to get married, bukan nak mintak berzina. Eh.

So after driving to Malacca Central, I gave the wheel to Tokpuan and my 77 year-old grandmother drove the girls (my sister and my cousin) back home. I waved goodbye to them, and pulled my purple luggage to the bus stand, bought a one-way ticket to TBS and hopped on the bus. Coming back to Malacca Central after so long reminds me of the days in TGB. Back then, I was on my own many a times, and now, I am on my own again. It was melancholic taking the bus to TBS, with Maktok's baggy Kurung Kedah and my grey skirt, I definitely nailed the 'gadis kampung' look.

Upon arriving at TBS, I look over at the KTM and LRT station. Memories of almost everything I've been through in Malaysia came flashing back. From the days of Comic Fiesta, the Ramadhan 'Goodbye' in 2013 and the 'should-we-wear-niqabs-untuk-menyembunyikan-diri' talk with my usrahmates en route to Masjid Jamek.

Ammar picked me up (so baik meh ma brother, kakak want to nangis huhuhu) and he bought an over-priced burger as per usual due to his nature of 'lavish' spending. I, on the other hand just spend on 2 pastries which were still over-priced to me. Malaysia peeps, is cray cray now. =.=" Gotta save lotsa money before BFG in 2 more years inshaAllah.

When you want to act all cumil-cumil with your brother. Haha

Malaysia, has so many stories that I'd like to forget. And sometimes the atmosphere is a bit scarier than in Ireland as well. 

But here lies my family

The family that has never left me no matter how 'weird' I changed

Here is where I found tarbiyyah

The tarbiyyah that has saved me from being a victim of this vicious world

Here is where all my best memories were made

For more than 20 years already

I have so many people to love and miss

And cherish and be happy with

And overall,

Here is where Allah wants me to be now

And doing my purpose of life is what's essential to me now

Alhamdulillah ala kulli ni'mah

"It's not about marrying right away, rather it's about marrying the right way."

- Aiman Azlan

It is heavy, and it is painful because I truly felt something. But here, Allah is teaching me to let go of my jahiliyah that's dragging me down. So dear self, chin up and look forward. Consistency over intensity aite? Berubah kerana Dia tak pernah sia-sia.

"So if you love someone, you should let them know."

-Everglow

And remember that Ramadhan miracle in 2014? You were a proof of that miracle kan?
Miracles will still happen biiznillah.

#tazkiyahseorangsabr

Ramadhan Diaries: Nasi Ayam Berempah Tebabomm

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

4.44pm
4 Ramadhan 1438H
Klebang Besar

*mesej masuk dalam Telegram*

*bukak*

*Kak A sent a photo to YoU*

"Ala comelnya akhwat Sabah berniaga, Nasi Ayam Berempah Tebabom gitu haa. *ketawa kecil*"

*Kak N sent a photo to AInQC*

"Waaahh, Qul Drink Kak O laaaa! *mata bersinar*"

.....

Growing up is of course, very intimidating. And now, looking at the many people around me, everyone is trying their best to go through life as casual as they can. To gain enough income so that boleh terus buat dakwah. Banyakkan membaca dan menganalisa, menyampaikan dan bernadwah supaya dapat meraih the best from bahan-bahan fikrah yang terlalu banyak untuk dihadam. Ditambah lagi dengan mereka yang masih lagi menyambung pelajaran, perlu menyiapkan assignments, perlu berjumpa dengan patients.

Everyone has their struggle, and everyone is struggling.

"Saat larut dalam sedih

Tak berhenti putaran ini bumi

Saat gentar hela nafas

Tak berhenti cepatnya lalu masa."

Teringat tahun lepas waktu Kak Ejat share tadabbur Surah Al-Balad. Hidup ini memang Allah takdirkan utk menjadi susah untuk manusia, bahkan kalau kita buat apa-apa sekalipun kita akan berada dalam keadaan susah payah. Orang yang mempunyai wang, susah mahu tahu kemana harus dilaburkan wangnya, apa yang mahu dia belanjakan ia kepada, kereta apa yang mahu dibeli, baju apa yang mahu ditempah. Mereka yang diuji Allah dengan kekurangan harta pula susah juga, bagaimana mahu berjimat supaya dapat beli baju untuk anak belajar, mana nak dapat duit lebih beli susu adik, cukup tak makanan untuk satu keluarga makan.

Study medic ke, engineering ke, accounting ke, law ke, bussiness ke, architecture ke, culinary ke, hospitality ke, welding ke, menjahit ke, semuanya ada susah masing-masing. Bujang ke, sudah berkahwin ke, sudah beranak tiga ke, sudah bercucu ke, nak kahwinkan anak ke, pun have their fair share of difficulties as well.

"Sungguh, Kami telah menciptakan manusia berada dalam susah payah."

(Surah Al-Balad, 90:4)

Tapi susah mana yang paling susah dan berbaloi?

"Dan kami telah menunjukkan kepadanya dua jalan (kebajikan dan kejahatan). Tetapi dia tidak menempuh jalan yang mendaki dan sukar? Dan tahukah kamu apakah jalan yang mendaki dan sukar itu? (iaitu) melepaskan perbudakan (hamba sahaya), atau memberi makan pada hari terjadi kelaparan (kepada) anak yatim yang ada hubungan kerabat, atau orang miskin yang sangat fakir. Kemudian dia termasuk orang-orang yang beriman, dan saling berpesan untuk sabar dan saling berpesan untuk berkasih sayang."

(Surah Al-Balad, 90: 10-17)

Susah yang paling susah itu sebenarnya adalah menjadi mereka yang benar-benar beriman. Yang tatkala berlaku hari kelaparan, diberinya makan kepada mereka yang lagi memerlukan. Mereka yang menunaikan hak sebagai seorang muslim kepada saudara muslimnya yang lain dan berharap hanya kepada Allah untuk memberi rezeki makan dan minum buat dirinya sendiri. Tawakalnya hanya pada Allah untuk mencukupkan dirinya, dan dia masih terus melaksanakan amal soleh. Saat semua orang pada ketika itu memikirkan diri mereka sendiri, being selfish for their own feed, orang-orang yang beriman ini saling berpesan kepada kesabaran dan kasih sayang. Melaksanakan sesuatu amal dengan penuh kesabaran, penuh kasih terhadap mereka yang lebih memerlukan. Dan yang paling utama adalah sifat mereka yang terus jua mengajak sekalian manusia agar sama-sama menjadi seperti mereka, mengajak kepada kesabaran utk beramal, mengajak kepada kasih sayang sesama manusia. Syafaqah wa rahmah.

*senyum*

This is a difficulty that is worth it. Untuk menjadi QS adalah kesusahan yang paling susah, dan juga merupakan kesusahan yang paling bermakna. Kerana mereka inilah yang tergolong dalam golongan kanan, tenang dalam melaksanakan amanah hidupnya serta sabar dalam melalui kekurangan diri. Bahkan mungkin sahaja tidak dilihat kekurangan itu sebagai a deficit, but looking at it as a presentation of their amal towards Allah.

"Wahai jiwa yang tenang! Kembalilah kepada Tuhanmu dengan hati yang redha dan diredhaiNya. Maka masuklah ke dalam golongan hamba-hambaKu, dan masuklah kedalam syurgaKu."

(Surah Al-Fajr, 89: 27-30)

Indah, sungguh indah bersusah payah atas namaMu.
Moga kita tergolong dalam mereka yang benar ikhlas dalam amal kita, dan moga Allah menerima segala yang kita lakukan untukNya sebagai sebaik-baik amal.

#tazkiyahseorangsabr

Ramadhan Diaries: Family

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

3.39pm
3 Ramadhan 1438H
Klebang Besar

I miss the time when I was just 17 and things ended for new, fresh beginnings to happen. Anticipating the new was exciting, not daunting and terrifying. After 6 years since 2011, sometimes I feel like going back and re-live the moments again. Then tiba-tiba teringat kisah kaum Bani Israil yang mahukan semula makanan dan kehidupan mereka yg lalu di Mesir. Walhal ketika itu, Allah telah menyelamatkan mereka daripada kezaliman Firaun dan memberikan makanan dari syurga; mann dan salwa. Dulu, walau muka nampak bahagia, tapi kini Allah dah kurniakan satu nikmat yg sangat besar - nikmat hidup di bawah bayangan al-Quran. Would I trade that away with living in the 'dark' again like in my younger years?

Definitely not. Allah dah tunjuk contoh kot dalam al-Quran.

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bertakwalah kamu kepada Allah dan ucapkanlah perkataan yang benar, nescaya Allah akan memperbaiki amal-amalmu dan mengampuni dosa-dosamu. Dan barang siapa menaati Allah dan Rasul-Nya, maka sungguh, dia menang dengan kemenangan yang agung."

(Surah Al-Ahzab,33: 70-71)

I hope one day I get to smile as genuinely as I did in this photo, and I hope that during that time, all my family members will smile gleefully as I did. Like in this photo. InshaAllah.

#tazkiyahseorangsabr

Ramadhan Diaries Special: Dreams of the Future

To you who is writing this tonight,

Put prayers and effort to become these three okay?

A da'ie, a mother and a doctor.

Kak Sabr; 

Ummu Jannah, Ummu Rayyan, Ummu Adnin, Ummu Firdaus, Ummu Furqan; 

Dr Sabreena

Photos from owhsomuslim :)

Ramadhan Diaries: Save Me From Myself

Bismillahirrahmanirahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

9.01pm
2 Ramadhan 1438H
Klebang Besar

To my beautiful readers
To my loved ones
Balik semula kepada Allah okay?

:)

Bekal semangat

Ramadhan Diaries: Bersangka Baik

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

7.58am
2 Ramadhan 1438H
Klebang Besar

There are 2 types of pep-talks; one makes us feel calm, the other just smacks in reality in our face. The latter being the one that ignites pain, ever so often.

All that Allah gave is good, and thus despite which pep-talk one gets, we should always look at it as goodness. Kebenaran itu tak pernah merugikan kita, kebenaran adalah al-haq dan al-haq itu datangnya dari Allah. Bantuan Allah, janji Allah dan hikmah di sebalik segala kekusutan dan kegusaran ini akan hadir. Dan pada ketika itu, persoalan-persoalan yang mengganggu benak fikiran ini akan terungkai bersama kesyukuran yang tidak terhingga.

"...kerana itu Allah menimpakan kepadamu kesedihan demi kesedihan, agar kamu tidak bersedih hati (lagi) terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu dan terhadap apa yang menimpamu. Dan Allah Mahateliti apa yang kamu kerjakan."

(Ali-Imran,3:153)

Hati-hati yang bersama dengan Allah akan sentiasa terikat, jiwa-jiwa yang sentiasa dekat dengan Allah akan tenang dan redha dengan segala ketentuanNya. Tugas kita adalah melaksanakan amanah a'bid dan kekhalifahan, bukanlah sibuk dengan urusan takdir dan rezeki yang sudah lama tertulis. Teruslah bersangka baik wahai diri, Allah takkan pernah terlewat dalam mengurniakan rezekiNya buat kita.

Bersangka baiklah walau kebenaran itu pahit. Bersangka baiklah walau kata-kata yang kau terima itu perit. Bersangka baiklah, sebab Allah itu teramat, sangatlah baik kepada kita.

Apa-apapun yang berlaku, teruslah beramal dengan amal yang soleh. Ahsanu a'mala.

Senyum and syukur kays?

*smiles*

Ramadhan Diaries: The Start of Something New

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah, The Most Graceful, The Most Merciful

10.20pm
1 Ramadhan 1438H
Klebang Besar

Alhamdulillah wa astaghfirullah. A year has passed since Ramadhan 2016 and now, almost reaching the age of 23, I am blessed with yet another Ramadhan in Malaysia. Ever so happy, ever so grateful subhanallah.

So, in the spirit of Ramadhan I have listed out a number of things I would want to accomplish in my Ramadhan checklist. Yes, planning is essential! Especially for me yang dah berjanggut dalam tarbiyah, sangat-sangatlah faham that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. And istiqamah lads, is the key success to achieving all our Ramadhan goals.

To share will all of you, I'll list out a few particular items I had on my checklist which are of importance to have on everyone's planner for Ramadhan.

1. Tilawah
- How much would you want to read per day?
- What's you goal by the end of Ramadhan? One time khatam or 3x khatam?

2. The obligatory prayers (solat fardhu)
- Early and on time
- At the masjid? Put a minimum of >1 time for guys (girls can of course participate too if you can! :D)
- Jemaah if possible

3. Qiamullail
- How many times per week? How many rakaat's every time?
- What specific du'as would you like to mention?

4. Sadaqah
- A small but consistent amount is more preferable, than one huge lump sum (Allah loves deeds that are consistent aite?)

5. Good deeds
- Do a small good deed everyday, like sadaqah, make it a consistent one as well
- Could be as simple as smiling to a random stranger or your brother in Islam, helping someone lift their heavy stuff or helping mom prepare iftar *wink2*

These are simple ones that can be followed. Remember to be realistic and consistent. There's no point in being ambitious for the first 5 days and then you just falter through the remaining 25 (nauzubillahi min zalik huhu). There are so many more references that can be used online but the main ones that I can conclude are the ones listed above - especially learning the Quran! Ramadhan is the month of Quran, and to truly embody the spirit of this month, we should continuously put effort and passion to understand the message behind it. No need to be over-ambitious, we need to be realistic. It's sufficient to learn just one surah thoroughly and applying its lesson in our daily life to reap the benefit of it. The companions back in the time of Rasulullah, as eager as they are, would not continue to learn of a new ayat until they have thoroughly enriched themselves in the teachings of the previous ayat they have learned from. Such love towards the Quran mashaAllah!

Another beautiful thing I'd like to share is making a Du'a list. This month, Allah bestows is with a night that is worth more than a thousand months! You'd need to be 83 years to finally reach the time, and be so diligent in worshiping Allah as well to gain the benefit equivalent to this night. And the catch is, in those 29-30 days of Ramadhan, Allah did not pinpoint which night, though there are narrations saying that it's in the last 10 nights of Ramadhan. Then again, if we don't start building up our stamina from now on, how are we going to go through the last nights with full spirit aite?

Okay, okay, so for Lailatul Qadr, that night, Allah will come down from His Arasy, waiting for any of His servants' wishes for Him to grant. All the amal at that particular will be multiplied to about 700 times, even more. All the angels will come down to expand on what Allah will decree for the earth to happen in the following year to come. And this temasya langit is throughout the whole night sampai terbit fajar. Isn't that so magnificent subhanallah! And thus, I find it so exciting in preparing for Lailatul Qadr by making a Du'a list - a general one, and a Master Du'a list. The general Du'a list can contain all the du'a that you would want to ask for Allah, with no limit in numbers whatsoever. Whereas the Master Du'a list contains the top 6 du'as that are your top, biggest dreams, you'd like to accomplish and these ones are the one you'd like to consistently bring out to repeat everytime you're reciting du'a during qiamullail. *senyum nampak gigi*

And finally, for those yang ada usrah, GO TO USRAH! Go to uskab, mabits, daurahs, etc, etc. Program tarbiyah during Ramadhan is the best because that's what keeps the good vibes coming, Good people makes a good environment that boosts our motivation to make Ramadhan our ibadah festival. Staying at home, watching movies and eating too much would just dampen the true spirit of Ramadhan. Don't waste the barakah in this month peeps, it's too valuable to be wasted!

With all these written up here, I hope it benefits both you and also serves as a HUGE reminder for me (more importantly). Forgive me for all my past misdeeds readers! Please send me a comment if there's anything left unsettled between us.

May Allah cleanse us of our past sins and gives us a clean heart by the end of Ramadhan inshaAllah.

Allahumma bariklana Ramadhan wa a'inna a'la siyamuhu wa qiyamuhu a'lal wajhilladzi yurdhika a'nna

P.S: Sabr needs to consistently study her medical stuff as well because Auntie Chik and Uncle Razin are them family-consultants yg semangat tanya soalan random (hewhew)
P.S.S: Doakan saya dan keluarga dapat jejakkan kaki ke Tanah Haram tahun ni :)

That's The Way It Is

"When you want it the most there's no easy way out

When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt

Don't give up on your faith

Love comes to those who believe it

And that's the way it is"

All it needs is to strengthen that faith

And believe that there is always a way to gain redemption

Allah tu kan Maha Penyayang, Maha Pengampun?

*smiles*

May this Ramadhan cleanse us of our past sins

And may it be a training ground for us to live through the months bringing to the next Ramadhan

Let's gear up everyone!

A Note from The Heart

To the girl that has always believed in miracles

It's okay to sing a sad tune once in a while

But remember your biggest purpose okay?

And even if the future seems cloudy

And you worry over it countless of times

You'll find the love that you need

And the love that you want

They'll merge together as long as you follow the light

To the girl that believes in the unknown

Grow to be as a tree

That gives shade to those underneath

And fruits to those that throw stones at you

You were not born to bear hate

Nor could you ever do it yourself for your heart only knows how to love endlessly

Love exist

Peace exist

Contentment exist

And maybe you are the one Allah sent to deliver it

Because girl, don't you think He's been giving you so much more than your mind can ever count?

So,

To the one that cries almost everyday

Cry because of Allah

Cry because of your past misdeeds

Cry because you want to move forward

Cry because you want to begin anew

Sometimes starting something new doesn't really mean washing away all the stories of yesterday

Sometimes it begins with acceptance that things were meant to be like this

And all that needs to be repented, is actually past sins

To the girl that has learned to love beyond the subject of merely wanting

You're going to pass through this test

And you're going to meet the Love of your life soon

"Wahai manusia, sesungguhnya kamu telah bekerja keras menuju Tuhanmu, maka kamu akan menemuiNya."

And you're going to be happy

And you'll be content

And one day, no matter how ridiculously romantic it may sound, he'll find you

He'll find you based on His direction

And you'll be surprised

Oh gosh you'll be surprised

So to the girl that needs to walk as a woman now

Be strong okay?

Life will hit you hard

But let not your heart become rock solid

For the softest heart is what Allah loves

:)

When Breath Becomes Air

Tonight as I lie down on my bed, my face wet with tears, I am brought to a realization that books about venturing through the phase of inevitable death are books that give such deep insight in the quest of meaning; a searching only those brave enough will want to venture and endure till the end.

Tuesdays with Morrie, The Fault in Our Stars, When Breath Becomes Air; all three share a common ground in explaining what it is like to go through the prospect of dying - not in a mere metaphorical way, but in an honest, bare, and purposeful journey. Some books capture the lives of real people enduring the pain, some books encompass a more personal experience as the author becomes the storyteller of his/her predicament, while other books vividly display the essence of what it means to live or die even by depicting a fictional storyline.

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun

Sesungguhnya dari Allah kita datang dan kepadaNya kita kembali

Kullu nafsin dzaiqatul maut

Setiap yang hidup akan merasakan kematian

As I reflect on the words Paul Kalanithi writes in his book, I find such a deep connection to the setting he placed in it - mostly because I myself am pursuing a medical degree, with the idea of becoming a practicing doctor. Conflicts and dilemmas such as fatigue, long-hours, a wobbly personal relationship between husband and wife, family time and personal growth, all blend in too well with what I have buzzing around my head. If Paul was an ikhwah and was named Abdul instead, I would have bawled from the first page already.

The sacred duty of a physician and a human in search of meaning was a life that Paul continued to expand in his words. And the epilogue written by his wife Lucy, was the one that just broke the dam in my tear ducts, leaving me profusely 'bleeding' salted water from my eyes. This was a tale of how a man ventured into the realm of death, after him being the one delivering the news to his patients of the outcomes and options found after their CT brain scans. And this was a tale of how much an atrocity, an immense and heavy trial, can foster the true essence of what love is all about.

This book is definitely more than just a good read, it's reflective nature brings us to ask really important questions in life. And for me, the biggest take home message was to value the gifts Allah has given you with an enormous sense of gratitude and a dire urgency to utilize them well as all of them gifts have a time limit. Life is more than just the sadness and happiness one face, life is extracting meaning behind those events and connecting it back to the original plan of why it was given to us - those pain, laughter, smiles and tears.

Kerana mereka yg beriman itu adalah mereka yg redha dgn ketentuan Allah kpd mereka. Maka akhirnya Allah meredhai mereka, dan mengurniakan mereka syurga abadi. Where all physical, emotional pain simply doesn't exist.

#tazkiyahseorangsabr

Ratusan Hari

Ratusan hari telah berlalu

Sejak hari pertama disapa tarbiyah

Banyak yg sakit

Banyak yg harus dikorbankan

Tetapi

Terlalu banyak yg baik

Yg indah

Dan yg manis

I'll heal through this

And Allah will save me

As long as I am willing to make the first move

And keep steadfast on it

Sabr,

Hang in there okay?

Nastaghfirullah

Byk sgt dosa kami ya Allah

Moga diampunkan

Setiap sangkaan buruk

Setiap perbuatan sendi

Setiap luahan kata

Yg tak bersandarkan al-wahyu

Yg berunsurkan al-hawa' semata

We'll get there

Jannah is our aim right?

Fear

I'm scared to believe that happiness exist
I'm scared to believe that hope exist
I'm scared to be happy, because I fear the sadness that comes after every smile
I'm scared to love, because I think pain comes haunting my bones afterwards

I'm scared to move, feel or speak
I'm scared to engage in deep conversations

The idea that people can lie, hurt and betray keeps on coming
The idea that people can smile and be happy while you wither to death keeps on coming
Black, black, sorrowful thoughts are looming

Fear is building up on me
More than hope is

Khauf dan raja'
Pada Allah je bukan?

But why am I becoming so fearful of everything I used to once cherish so preciously?

I'm scared to be positive
Because I'm scared of losing it one day
One day when I needed it the most

Despite sunshine
I feel like staying in the dark
I'm becoming scared to love others
As the only piece left in me crumbles

"Sabr,
Have patience please?
Please just don't lose the smile and kindness, and closeness to Allah that you have."
That small dot of hope in my heart speaks

Central, crushing pain
Do I have angina?
Or is the emotional pain coming at me again?

Within Me

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

I pray only to Allah for guidance in the things that I do
And may the words that I write will be guided by Him and not by my nafs

...

To be honest,
I don't think anybody reads my blog
Let alone obtain anything decent from it
Recently I have been faced with a trial that is tormenting my soul
And ripping me apart internally

Despite knowing the nature of a trial
In which Allah is actually cleansing me of my past sins, and cleansing me of my jahiliyah
I still fail countless of times
To stop my heart from aching
To stop my tears from crying of the same reason
And my thoughts from being suicidal

Yes,
I try to talk it over with my friends and family
And I have had tremendous support from those around me
In fact,
I have my exams to shift my focus from the 'petty' trial
To something that is pertinent in my studies as a medical student

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal

Yet deep down,
Only Allah knows how much I've suffered, am suffering, and will be suffering

I tell myself everyday to grow up
Move forward
And stop reminiscing
I tell myself that I need to stop making up stories of the future
Don't hope for any rainbows
Don't breed vengeance
And don't act or feel ill because of remorse

Writing eases me
And it brings me to perspective on the things that I'm facing in life
So despite knowing that nobody actually ventures in this blog of mine
I'd still like to say
That I might be emotional and personal in my writings
For God knows how long of a time

So if anybody reads on the next chapters of my life,
Please bear with my words and paragraphs
The emotions and pain that I weave in my script here

"Awak kena cari cara utk cope dengan stress awak. Memang kita kena doa and solat, tapi Allah takkan ubah nasib kita kalau kita tak ubah apa yg ada dalam diri kita dulu kan?"

So this canvas
Is my way of coping with perils of life
Happy or sorrow
I'll continue to write
I don't think I'll ever stop
Because trials and tribulations never do

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
In the name of Allah I begin and I end
To him I came from, to Him I will return

If you've read till the end
Mohon doakan seorang Sabreena ye?

Jazakumullahu khayran.

Pain

If only emotional pain had an analgesia that can be consumed
I would have it continuously infused into my central vein
Hoping that it will stop the physical ache that's crushing my chest

"Dan kami pasti akan menguji kamu dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa, dan buah-buahan. Dan sampaikanlah khabar gembira kepada orang-orang yg sabar, (iaitu) orang-orang yg apabila ditimpa musibah, mereka berkata 'Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rajiun'."

(Surah Al-Baqarah,2:155-156)

If I could ask for how to die

I hope to die like this
With the Quran on my hand
And me sleeping on the bus, on my way to usrah