Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Long hours

Studying till late at night
Reading books, not only medical books but all sorts of other articles

Sleeping on the bus
Sometimes late at night, sometimes really early in the morning

Thinking about ideas
While cooking, while walking to the university

Zikr
Always, always, always

These are long hours spent in the name of Allah
Long hours that I wish I can be able to say that I did the best for Him

*smiles*


Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Prahara menjadi Anugerah

Seringkali apabila kita jatuh dalam kecundang maksiat
Kita fikir bahawa kita sudah capai satu tahap yang sangat rendah
Maka kita seolah mahu lari menyembunyikan diri
Ujian yang dihadapi terlalu pedih dan berat
Kita putus asa
Kita menangis
Kita lumpuh, tidak mampu bangun

Namun begitu
Kenapa kita seolah lupa bahawa Allah itu Maha Penerima Taubat?
Kenapa kita seolah mengingkari hakikat Dia Maha Penyayang?

We assume He hates us
We assume that we'll be sent to Jahannam at that moment
But think about it

After every mistake and downfall
We're never cut off from the oxygen we breathe
Our respiratory muscles never cease to work
Nor did our heart stop beating
The house ceiling didn't crumble on us
Nor did we die the minute we were committing those sins

Keinginan dan kesudahan kita melakukan maksiat itu adalah suatu ujian
Yang harus kita putarkan menjadi suatu anugerah
Anugerah utk kembali kepada Dia
Sebagai indikator bahawa kita harus semakin teguh memasang benteng iman
Sebagai peringatan bahawa kita lemah dan hanya kepada Dia kita harus berlindung kepada

Ayuh kawan-kawan
Mari kita ubah prahara itu menjadi anugerah

Allahu musta'an

:)

Merindui roadtrip ke Southampton bersama Kak A dan Ukht I. Uhuk

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Hidup semula

Sungguh perkumpulan bersama mereka lewat hari semalam benar-benar merupakan nikmat yang besar. Memasuki ruang-ruang yang tersergam indah di masjid ini membuatkan hati yang longlai dan lemah kembali bernafas semula.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

Despite the traffic
Despite the time constraints
Despite the strained eyes and muscle aches

Alhamdulillah ala kulli nikmah

:)


Sunday, June 26, 2016

Tada Hitotsu Dake Aru

Bismillah.

In this life, we are left to make choices. These choices can either be those that are easy to make, whereas others could take a lifetime to make. And for what should these choices be made range from the simplest ordeal on what to wear for class till what should be done with the remaining time we have living this life.

How people deal with these choices also differ from one person to another, because as unique as we are created as individuals, the way we view certain situations also varies. These differences; in making choices, in the way we look at situations and grade their difficulty, however, all has a ground rule that can be laid upon.

This also differs for a lot of people. But based on the observations I've made for the past 22 years living this life (yes, I turned 22 on June 16th if I may say. Uhu) is that you will follow either:-

1. Your own judgments, experience, emotions, rationality, etc. Basically, you will decide based on personal thoughts.
2. External factors ranging from an input from other people to the circumstances that you are currently living in - funds, social stigma, culture, etc.

Now, all of these thought processes are not wrong and in fact, many of us fail to realize how much of a big impact these notions bring about in our daily life. In fact, these factors that I would like to call 'earthly' connections bind us ever so tightly to this world that it governs our thoughts and further controls our behavior. I might not be a graduate of Human Psychology but I know this much that the power of the mind is unbelievable and how by belief, a person can be dealt to the extremes yet still be able to persevere or deter altogether.

Belief = Iman

Thus, knowing so much, especially to those whom have studied the Deen (a little bit or so like me), where do we lie our beliefs in in making the choices we inevitably have to make?

Is it based on what Allah and Rasul had taught us?

Is it based on what came from a higher source of being or just our own ignorant, earthly self?

Think about it, if we look at the world similarly to how Donald Trump and Bashar Al-Asad looks at things then we are merely cowards as they are too - afraid of humans, afraid of being trampled upon. Fear, greed and power governs us and we will only battle their ideals out of of fear that we would be harassed and removed from our homes. If we look at the world similarly to how business-people, politicians and so-called modern idealists look at the world, then we would just be progressing based on a communist industry that feeds upon economical growth only without any thoughts upon social dependency and livelihood. Nevertheless, if we merely look at the world as social activists and environmental-peace-lovers, we will be unable to properly subdue the nation and bring it to prosperity in the long run.

So really, how should we look at the world?
How should we make our choices to do with our lives?
How and why should we even care?

"...It is only those who have knowledge among His slaves that fear Allah.."
(Surah Fatir, 35:28)

"..'Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority'..."
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:30)

Only with knowledge will we know who we are,
Where are we going,
What we should do,
Why are we doing this.

Because all these questions linger among us, we can't lie. Be it a Muslim or an Agnostic, we need to deal with these questions instead of running away from it. So learn, and read. Find the Deen, the way of life and a life worth living.

Because there is no use fighting a war that we are sure to lose, and there is no use staying still while everybody else fights. And surely, what a waste it is if we fail to realize that we are fighting a war all this while.

And for me, as this Ramadhan ends there is only one thing that I wish to remain doing for the rest of my life.

Being His 'abid and upholding my duties as a 'khalif.

*smiles*

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Pulang

12.02 am
9 April 2016
Galway, Ireland

Lama, berdebu, berkarat, usang.
Kalau blog ini berbentuk fizikal dan boleh dipegang, aku fikir ia sudah penuh dengan sawang dan habuk kerana tiada di kemas-kini dengan apa-apa penulisan baharu. (Ayat yang aku seringkali kitar semula dan boleh dilihat dalam kebanyakan post di blog ini. Uhu)

Nak dikatakan sibuk, masih banyak lagi masa aku tidur nyenyak sampai sakit-sakit tengkuk aku tergeliat. Nak dikatakan tiada idea, hampir setiap hari berlegar sesuatu di kepala aku yang merayu-rayu minta ditulis. Fikir aku, cukup sudah sekadar menulis di FB. Sangkaanku rosak sama sekali kerana rupanya terlalu banyak dugaan dalam hendak berkarya di FB - antaranya, butang 'Like' yang tertera sebesar alam, kini bertambah pula dengan ekspresi yang boleh dipilih selain jari 'thumbs up' biru. Ini menyebabkan mata aku secara tidak langsung terkejar-kejar mahu melihat notifications berapa ramai orang sudah 'Like' atau 'Share' status marhaen aku. Riak. Ujub. Terbakar semua amal.

*nangis*

However, blogging holds a very dear place in my heart - which initially I was afraid to venture back in. Clearly it was not because of my busy schedule, lack of time or ideas, but maybe it was because I was scared to come back to this canvas. It had so much promises made in it that I have broken countless times, making me feel as though I have let myself and other people down. My previous self whom with full determination made such a strong stand on a broad range of things. My previous self who was so positive that things will be better. The me I miss so much now.

It's already the 2nd of Rejab and alhamdulillah, Allah gave me the courage to look back at the pieces I have written, the stories I have shared, and the sincerity I place in my writings before. It brings about fragments of treasured memories - especially those that I penned down during my stay with arwah maktok. This, despite being a very daunting ordeal to face, has actually proven to be a part of the remedy to my disturbed state of mind lately.

Alhamdulillah Ya Rabb, I think I'm coming back on my feet inshaAllah.

To not procrastinate any further, I shall now be off to finish reading up another two papers by Rita Charon on my Narrative Medicine assignment due next Monday. I'm glad I came back to see you again my dear canvas, and thank you for receiving me with open arms.

*smiles, teary-eyed*

To more therapeutic posts meant for my own remembrance before anyone else.
InshaAllah.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Relationship Goals

These are trying times.
And even after rolling in the same puddle multiple times, my best motivation did come from the Quran.

ادخلوا الجنة انتم وازواجكم تحبرون
"Masuklah ke dalam surga, kamu dan pasanganmu akan digembirakan."
(Az-Zukhruf,43:70)

*tears*

How can I be so deluded with this world?

Thursday, December 3, 2015

When Nights Like These Come

When nights like these come
And you can't even study
When finals is less than a week away
And you have three to four things to juggle in the weekends
With another 50 slides left to go
And you're brain is just a bit too drain
When you've finally let loose of one of the things you love for the ultimate Love of which is Him

When you type on the phone
Trying to find ease
Trying to make sense
When your heart is pounding with ache
And it hurts, but you know you have to stay put

Ya Allah, this time around
I am completely clueless of my future
So I pray only to You
To show me
To guide me
To strengthen me
In the path you ease the most

Nak syurga
Nak balik
Tak larat

:(