I lost count of how many times I cried this week. This horrible mess that I am entangled in, this ever selfless and self-sacrificing nature of myself that I am beginning to detest, the irritability towards people around me that I can no longer bear, and the lack of sleep - lack of luster - lack of positivity - that is shrouding me.
I have come to see that there seems no reason any more for me to continue this stressful life. And when I sent out a message of forsaking my life, wishing for it to be taken by fire, one of my most beloved replied with a barrage of words as though this was nonsensical and that I am being a selfish youth, an irresponsible adult cum mother cum wife, an ungrateful human being, a disgrace to mankind.
There was no...
Are you okay?
What happened?
If it was illness of the body, they rush to me with bags of soup and warm-cooked meals. When it is illness of the mind and the heart, they simply shrug it off as though I'm a dimwit.
And I cried again
So bad
That's why I said
I don't need an MC - I did not faint, lose an arm, have lacerations all over my body, or bleeding a limb out.
I cried
And cried
And stopped
And got out of the car.
Finally,
And it took someone out of the family to tell me to go home, sleep, and rest.
I am tired Ya Allah
If its best that I die, take me on this blessed Friday. Leave my husband with a better wife, my son with a better mother.
I am tired.
I am tired.
